dissapointed

today is the last nite i will stay in ipoh...
tomolo morning i will go back sg n start my work again..
hemmm...reli ng sek tuck..
i tot today i could rlei enjoy my day..
but it doesnt do so..
i was been wake up early in the morning to go market wt granny n mum..
then back home watch the drama as muc i can..
around 12noon went out to sent the youngest sis school..
then i went to bank tot wana change my bank booklet..
but din bring my ic out...
hemm..
when to the town, my bag was spoilt....
reach home i keep on watch drama...
then mum cook dinner n lunch today..
sis still so rebel...
sometime i feel to slap her..
i nvr reli beat her b4..mayb tats my wrong..
i donnoe wat to do to make her und wat we think of..
she is smart, she deserve better future..
but she's spoiltly everything...
she nvr learn from the mistake she done..
when she will realise it...
feel hopeless to her...
i reli hate myself...
y i cant do anything to improve the situation...
i donnoe wat should i do...
hemmm...i reli wish i will see he on9 today..
but he din..
i sms him..he said he tired after done an assignment..
so he din on9 today..i wish to chat wt him again..lik last nite..
tum tum, joke joke abit..bring away from where im unhapi wt..
i reli miss him..
i wish to be selfish, i wan to listen to his voice..
but he nd to wake up at 7am tomolo..he should get a rest..
i wish to hear again he sing a song to me..
this few nite when i listen to radio..
i heard the same song..from rainnie yang.."ai mei"
this mean alot to both of us...
suddenly reli reli miss him..
wish to see him..but so far away..
wish to hear his voice but he's tired..
i ask him whether im selfish or considerate..
he nvr see im been selfish, so tolarate to other ppl...
cz tat i cant be selfish to ask him stay abit longer chat wt me, sing a song for me, on9 for me, cant call him to listen his voice...

health

i realise my health is getting worst..
i get tired easily..
tot of going for body check up..
but com firm wit human resource tat company wont bear it on...
the worst is my heart,
the pain is awhile n lil by lil..
sumtime feel abit dizzy..
im getting terrible...
beside tat i found tat i don reli noe how to communicate wt ppl..
i could feel tat not muc ppl as close to as last time...
i found im becoming more n more dramatic..
so false..
i could sum1 is angry n wana avoid meeting me..
im so soli about tat..
some new gossip bout me in my department wt those new part timer..
reli make me paiseh wit all the stories..




i think back TTS n many ppl back..
for wat i did n wat had happened..
wow!! thinking of tat reli make ppl's brain headache..



i received a msg from TTS
i saw him when i on9 jz now..
i read the msg n conversation we had last time..




i believe the rain is coming..
the sky look dark..
tats an email i read the title is "smell lik rain"
the story is about a gal get born earlier the normal baby..
she had a tough time to survive..
but she get to stay as a normal healty gal..
one day she spoke to her mum..
tat she could smell HIM..
which her mum tot she was talking bout the rain coming soon..
n actually GOD was wt her all the way when she having a tough time..
after i read this email..
i feel so touch , almost got tears le..

been long time din blog..
is bcz i din hv muc time..
n i donnoe wat to blog anymore..
now im in the mcd restaurant, one of the branch in amk..
damn shit, whne i come out tat time..
i was so sun shinny hot..
but now it rain lik hell so heavy..
don think of run back or try to get a taxi..
if u run 5 step out onli..sure wet all..
summore i don even bring umbrella..
hope its stop soon..
i donnoe which taxi num i can call..
donnoe any taxi drop by..
later still nd to go out wt liwen n geo to bugis..
go eat steamboat oo..
yea..another thing,im going home again soon..
this time i will be in kl 1st then onli bakc ipoh..
mayb onli will be in ipoh for 2 or 3 days onli..
is actually the main i wan to gogenting..
long time din go thr le..
i reli wish to back thr again..
visit those memories back..
hving dinner at genting palace..at nite many place wish to go..
jz think of tat..i oledi feel so hapi..

10th feb 2009

im working midnite since the day i back from my leave..
same as today as well..
but i don feel great today..
don feel lik talk, eating or think anything..
today is my sis's bday..
i forgotten about tat..
luckily my sai lou remind me of tat..
today is oso the last day of chinese new year which on 9th feb..
whne i come to work tat time..
i saw the moon was round n bright..
so beautiful...
i oso realised tat eddie is no more in cold side..
he's at the western side now..

my ex

yesterday, i went out wit my sis..
1stly we went to parade..
i saw cho chee seng..
after bought wat we nd..
then we rushed to jusco..
i went to the new opening k box over thr wheere located at the end of jusco at 2nd floor nxt to food n tea..
i accidentally saw JJ inside..
everytime i cross by thr i feel scare..
i scare i will see JJ or he saw me..
if can i try to avoid cross by thr..
JJ, he changed le..
i believe he's no more the bar in charge person..
he may b the restaurant manager now..
the way he dress oledi different..
hemm..
cz k box hving a bz time..
they ask me to go back later..n do the booking
so i went to mcd as my sis hungry le..
during walk by, die die i oso din look into the restaurant..
when go in, i cant reli concentrate..
JJ's de memories, how i treat him..all out..
feel so soli to him..anyway hope everything all rite to him..
after tat..when reach home on9 at nite..
kok leong chat wt me..
everytime he look for me, i feel uncomfortable..
kind lik he is asking some favour again..
but this time he din..
when chat wt him..feel he kind of irritating..
he jz lik normal chat, asking how's my life..
but at last he ask for my num..
i din gv...pretend dc then away..
hemm..

my future..

two days ago i went n visit ah ming sifu..
he help ppl predict future..
i visit him last year..
b4 this i heard about him but nvr visit..
i wnet wt my mum..
this time..he said sumthing about me..
haha..i donnoe wat to say..
i don hv to said anything..
he noe wat happened tome, wat im thinking..
over all he said everything is fine for me in this coming yera..
i hv "tou far wan"..
i donnoe is good or not..
hemm..my health jz a small matter..
can improve slowly..
financial i ok de..not prob..
work ok de..seem now many ppl lost job..
i still got a job n get bonus..
the biggest prob is tat myself..
im not hapi..or should say im bored..
i donnoe wat to do..
im confuse wit wat i wan..
when im home i wana go out..
when im outside i wan go home..
when i meet sum1. he may the one..
but i will wonder alot..
the fell still not tat..
all do descride me..
hre's rite..
im bored..
i git everything..
good boss, good manager, nice frenz, nice landlady..
but i still not as hapi i wana..
hemm..

comic book

today i keep on thinking of him..
is actually after i read a comic book..
the story was saying a gal n a guy were classmate..
they nvr speak to each other..
seem lik irratated each..
do not look to each eyes,(invisible),uncomfortable words may spoken..
all this so familiar..
but the end is actually misunderstanding between them..
both tot each hate both n dare not to confront each..
but at last in a incident,
they realise tat actually both doesnt hate each other but is loving each..
after finish this comic..
it keep on going on in my mind..
keep on wondering..
today i din see him working morning le..
i could feel tat he will be in midnite again..
hemm..
wats going wrong wt me??
i still keep on predict wat stiff he will be in..
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