moving

ppl alwis tell me not to think so muc..
or they will said i think a lot..
ask me to relax..
but i dont think this should be delay anymore..
moving..
i start to hv this mind since i came to sg..
but after 8months i stil staying at the same place..
once i get a nice place wit cheap rent..
but i doesnt wan to blame my fren..
so better don mention..
i was so aggressive looking look after i back from leave..
but the rent is just to high for me now..
n one day..
i received a msg..
is from my aunt..
she asking me when i intend to find a place for myself..
as her son nd his own space study..
so my grandma nd to move back to the room where by im staying in..
so ppl oledi said it out..
n is not tat i din realise the thing earlier..
but i jz cant get it..
i don hv tat asset..
this things bothering me so muc..
my head is turning n turning now..
my fren advise me to delay to dec..
but i don wish to anymore..
even i told my aunt tat around nov or dec i wil be moving..
but tats no more feel staying there anymore..
no mean anymore..

man

should i believe in man anymore..
last nite i got a fren who work in the kitchen..
i stil remmeber the 1st time we noe each no longer..
he ask me alot of questions..
he ask me to be his gf..
he ask my hp num..
but i din gv him..
n last nite he came to tell me tat he is leaving..
no longer wil b in conrad..
tats he's last nite working..
i was a bit susprised..
but then i realise he might lie to me as i cheat him b4 about tat..
actually i was just jk..
then i confirm another staff in kitchen..
he told actually he jz go for leave..
going back to get marry..
the whole kitchen n noe about tat..
i felt lik im so idiot stupid believe him..
he treat so well,so protective..
but who noe he is a man who getting marry soon..
n still come close to me..
tell me this n tat..
what the hell it is..
i stil react cool..
i ask him hw long it wil b..
he told is wil b 2 weeks..
but going back doing sumthing not important..
hw could he said tat..
marridge is once of teh most important in life..
hw will the gal tat marry him??
i feel so dissapointed..
im not sure who should i believe on..
man couldnt b trust in love side..
could be fren but be careful if to the nxt step of it..

sick

i feel lik im kind of sick recently..
is not a normal sick..
i don feel lik working..
im tired..
currently i work afternoon..
i find hard for me to fall asleep during nite time..
mayb tats the reason i hv headache as well..
last week i cant even eat muc..
hwever if i work afternoon is better then i work morning..
i stil hv more time to sleep the nxt day..
no nd to wake so early..
but if work morning i got to wake up atleast 5am..
imagine i jz sleep 4 to 6 hours onli..
tats may enuff for other but not me..
==
i wanted to get some medical help..
but i delay n delay..
at last on thur i get to see doctor le..
she gave me some sleeping pill which will relax myself..
some pain killer n gastric pill as the pian killer wil make me gastric..
i din take the sleeping pill..
i keep on cant sleep,
alot of things i think of..
i call my sis..
i sms my fren til i fall as sleep..
is been for a few nite..
i stil go to work as usual..
no1 seem noe tat i sick..
expect geo..

do i noe where am i going to?

im donnoe wat im doing whether is rite or wrong..
im not sure i reli wan..
cant concentrate on wat im doing..
start to hate myself..
im not sure wat im doing n i wan is reli truth
feel tat im so false sumtime..
i totally confuse..
i can be a nice gal in this moment
but the nxt second might not..
might do sumthing tat dissappointed ppl..
it seem so confusion wat im telling now..
in my work place..
i keep on doing sumthing wrong..
things doesnt goes well..
i donnoe why..
is not lik wat im doing..is not usual me..
i keep on forgeting everything..
is not me..
im the most good memory among my family..
but not now..wat happened to me..
im dropping..
im making everyone dissapointed..
im doing well..
ppl use to trust on wat i did..
confident on wat i did..
but i did now is totally the other of it..
in my personal life..
everything is so mess..
joe appear back to my life..
i tot is oledi over..
but i keep on asking myself whether i love eddie or joe..
y do i feel sad when i saw his pic wt a gal..
y i stil miss him so muc..
y i start cry after the nite i met him back..
then met eddie at work
the way we look n react is so depress inside..
then i keep on done something tat wrong
spoiltly my imagine..
tired of being good n nice gal anymore
cz of joe n eddie, i keep on thinking
even at work..
i donnoe wat im doing..
seem so stupid n idiot in my whole life..

tears

after so long, i stop crying
try to control everytime sad
but not this time..
heart beat so fast after drank a bottle of apple vodka..
cant think muc but sad..
i don lik myself lik tat..

teng

once again i think of him..
hard to get out of my brain again..
i inform him this morning tat i change my msia num..
received his num make my heart soft..
lik last time when reach his msg but not as tat exticed..
still keeping his msg lik last time..
don feel wana delete his num, delete his msg, delete him from my memories..
i got his email le..
added in my mail box..
suddenly at nite, when on9, think of him, wish to see him..
he change his fs..i view in thr's onli 3 frenz..
look at his pics..
seem lik he is hapi wt his life now..
look at him seem miss him..
after long time staring at the pic..
realise tat actually he is not as tat handsome as i think of last time..
but he reli slim down..
mz b veli hard the life now..
in the msg he sent, he said
if not bz wt assignment, he wil back this week so might could meet up..
do we reli could meet up?
wil i act lik last time?
wil i b better?
the last time we met was he went to sg for a short vacation..
anyhow, why am i lik this??
r my heart to eddie?
or i stil gving myself an excuse..
i should b strong,tough,
i couldnt gv up, i mz keep on my life..
tek seng, all the best..
i hope this is the last drop bcz of u..

back home

hemm..
this time going back home feel different the usual..
last time back jz feel wana meet up wt frenz..
but this time i feel wana stay at home wt family..
even come back 4days onli..
but i do feel hapi coming back..
nth muc i hv done..
the 1st day i hv oledi took my favourite chee cheong fun..
but abit dissappointed, is not as delicious as i remember it is..
then lunch went to "9 wong yeah"
at nite went to the new food count..
hemm..seems lik back is bcz foods onli..
back eat alot..wanton mee, pan mee, bak kut teh,kenny roger,....
mum cook oso..
dad came on wed nite jz to see me..
then on thur early morning he went back to work..
i noe he veli tired..
he jz went back n hv a dinner wt me..
suppose he wana back on tues which my chinese bday..
but he cant manage to do so cz too bz to settle all of things..
so he postpone to the nxt day..
mum was jz fech me wherever i wana go..
hemm.feel lik im back so troubling..
even my sis, she is on exam, she chat wt me then read her books..
when i request sumthing it wil b done..
yea one more thing..
my msia hp num has been change cz too long din use le..
more then 3months so they cut my line n cant b use anymore..
i changed another num le..
long time din contact fren oso suddenly call or sms back..
tek seng chat wt me awhile..
chat wt chee kin oso after lost contact..
went out met ivan on fri morning before he go back taiping..
met wei kee on wed in the middle of her rest ..
went out wt mei mei after her school at parade..
before take my bus back spore..
went to take my spec which spent RM450..
went to visit my aunt, cousins n nephew..
the last but not least my grandma..
feel wana cry when think of her..
everytime i come back and saw her..
she is more n more skinny then before..
i know her health is not improve..
i wish i could do sumthing for her..
but i donnoe what i could do..
grandma i reli love alot..