a real confirm notice..

it was a bz nite, absinthe is full house n a private room wt 25 pax..
after a bz nite, i got an appointment wt sunny..
but at last din meet as he nd to wake up early the nxt morning..
so i went n join ah yang, che wui, n calvin chai..
they were at geylang lorong 9 eatting supper..
after 1230midnite finish then go there by taxi..
reach thr, they were sitting inside the lorong..
we start talk and talk..
alot, but was the most important is i heard something..
i got a confirm notice..
eddie n olivia reli together..
b4 tat i heard tat liao..
but jz guessing guessing..cz i jz noe tat eddie is in relation..
tats alll..
when i heard tat, i was a lil bit of alot feeling..
a lil bit of sad, pain, blur, broken..
which mean i do love him..
but im alwis not his type of..
all the way home when ah yang sent me..
i was silent, the 1st time i din talk the way home..
cz i keep on thinking of this..
i feel pain..this feel is familiar..
but not as strong as the 1st time i got it..
which i could contol from inside..
tell myself actting tough n strong..
tats wat i am all this while..
i alwis not the type of gal for the guys i love..
one of the topic during the supper is being in relation..
isnt it great being single..
isnt it great not being hurt..
isnt it great not to hv those pain again..
its not easy to handle n control it..
i don wish to cry every9..
i don wish to make myself look pity..
i don wish to hv tat feel anymore..
i ever think will i in relation anymore..
will i dare to do so..
will i gv a chance to myself n another person..
when i couldnt get reply of it..
i hate myself not to hate them then forgiven felt soli of wat i did..
in fact im the wrong one..
i wonder this time how long will it takes to recover..
will i ever feel better..
i which it will nvr hurt me again or come back this feel..
who should i say to?? who can help me??
reli pain, or should i leave this place again..
repeat again wat i did b4..
leaving conrad isnt far enuff ba..