nth special then jz normal me..

i hv no idea wat had happened but..
suddenly i felt tat i hv changed..
its not same as the past who i am..
i wasnt reli smart as i am..
i wasnt reli pretty as i am..
i wasnt reli aggressive as i am..
i wasnt reli kind as i am..
i wasnt reli ambitious as i am..
i wasnt reli tough as i am..
n suddenly i jz want to hv a normal life..
jz to get some1 tat i love n of cz in return..
which reli reli sincere..
a normal life..
peaceful, not necessary wealthy..
but affortable..
however it seem so difficult..
n im confuse where to go..
wat im doing..

dinner @ T3 on 10th Sept 2010

i din hv enuff slp for tat day..
plus went to work so early..
suddenly tek seng tell me around 3plus,tat her sis wana to come for dinner on the day..=.=
i wish i don hv to join but if not then they cant get any discount..
then i cont work with my paperwork n wait him til 7pm..
it was a pleasant evening
then i met some of his sis's frenz
we were enjoying the dinner..
they enjoy the lobsters n environment alot as well..
i was enjoying the dinner moment with him..
i confront tek seng telling about chee hong's issue
i told him who is chee hong..
he is the 1st guy noe about chee hong among my fren.
eventually he knew it was me
as i was angry wheni mention chee hong..
now i noe mayb tat time, i was the third party..
hahah got cheated
back to the dinner.
most of the chefs tot tek seng is my bf..
how on earth i wish it is..
but i fon think this will ever happen..
nvr the less, i don wish it any more somehow..
kind of too late ba..
mayb i too sensitive bt i sense of tek seng start to care of me..
which muc diff from last time
he ask me to send chee hong's pic to him..
i ask him why, he say he curious..
but i don think tat simple ans it is..
he keep remind to send chee hong's pic..
after i sent, we din talk muc on chee hong..
plusi nd to wake up early the nxt day..

Lim Chee Hong

today, suddenly i tot of him..
so in facebook i search him..
i found him..
n i saw something
alot of things i saw
i odn think i should cont view all tat..
but heart n fingers cant control keep pressing the key next next
viewing all the pics..
reading his comment
he graduated..
late oct its he's convo
she is from penang as well
same uni
look good
wat else should i said
i believe he forgotten me
as i believe in wat n why he did so in the past
tats may b the truth
its cruel for me to noe why
tats a word from him, i will jz take it
previously i went penang for my holiday
i've veli long din go penang de
i stayed penang for half years then move out
it seem penang doesnt gv me alot of good experince..
this time in penang nth muc happened then a visit
but for me it recall him n..
all the while i wonder how his place are
i wana noe him more..
but this doesnt help me to forget n release this person
he may not worth it but he is still thr
the feeling when i look at the picz,
i noe he hv great wonderful uni life
n most probably he hv forgotten me
which tats pretty sad..
the story about wasnt muc then a column in life
but tat column gv a lot of memories n sadness

who care???

hv any1 try to understand how i feel..
wat i hv gone thru....
wat i hv been done..
i jz cant explain how bad i feel now..
its seem lik no1 could understand how tired n wat i see now..
i hv a family that no1 will take care after my parent arent thr..
who should i blame?
i hv a sister nd my care after my parent gone..
who should i blame?
i hv my dream to cont study but i cant afford.
who should i blame??
i hv my dream of future n career, but where else could i go??
who should i blame??
i hv so muc so stress
who cant i rely on??
so many ppl telling me the stories
but to who i tell my stories??
so many ppl around me
but to who i shall trust??
so many frenz i knew
but who will lend a hand when i nded??
after all been thru
who will care how i feel??
after been deeling all unreasonable gst
could i still be patient??
after all the trouble ppl make to settle
but who will settle mine??
all the suggestion n proposal i given?
will they care?
after so long i stand thr
how long could i stand thr anymore?
after living in this life for more then 22years
how long could i take this kind of life again??
after all the stress n indirect killing..
will i hv cancer??
will i die with cancer??
after i hv been so sturbord holding the one..
will i get it even i knew i cant..
after 4years of waiting..
will it come truth??
whenever thats a prob, the person to find is me..
why me?
cz im ur daughter?
cz im ur captain?
cz im ur sister?
cz im ur frenz?
cz im stupid or wat!!!
with all the negative running in my blood n mind.
shall i still nd to cont pretend nth happened, to make sure no1 worry??
but who care of me??
every1 blame n complaint the same issue..
but how come i cant??
every1 got 24hours..
why i alwis running out of time??
i hv so many questions
but who could ans all of them..
as alwis, im alwis alone when i nd something..
as alwis, i nd to silent n patient when i was throw by thousand of issues
as alwis i nd to be more considerate then the others
as alwis i nd to let go something to fulfill others
as alwis i nd to think more mature then the others
as alwis i nd to scarisfice for other comfort.
as alwis as alwis n its seem lik a mz on me..
why cant its a route??