without words

i think of many things today..
alot n many different things..
so tired n moody now..
kind of weird after tat i cant descride how i feel in words...
but all over is not a wonderful, great feel of it..
i start to hate myself..
think back wat i hv did n done..so irritated myself..
i could feel a num of ppl dislike my appear..
is due to my disability at work n being a human..
i bcome more n more useless..
done sumthing i shouldnt hv make it..
if time could turn back, i wish i could change it...
being a human is such tiring..
i try to enjoy the life but it seem hard for me now..
i try to be angel n nice to every1 but i couldnt do so anymore..
thats no more pure sincere on it anymore..
i did it as its my job n beinng ask to..
no more extra mile going on..


i wish i could see him..
i wish i could let him noe tat im still here..
i wish i could get a hug from him..
i wish i could return to the past..
i wish to be protected by u as usual..
i wish i could hear ur voice..
i wish i can cry..
i wish i noe wat is missing on mine..
i wish i noe wat to do..

dissapointed

today is the last nite i will stay in ipoh...
tomolo morning i will go back sg n start my work again..
hemmm...reli ng sek tuck..
i tot today i could rlei enjoy my day..
but it doesnt do so..
i was been wake up early in the morning to go market wt granny n mum..
then back home watch the drama as muc i can..
around 12noon went out to sent the youngest sis school..
then i went to bank tot wana change my bank booklet..
but din bring my ic out...
hemm..
when to the town, my bag was spoilt....
reach home i keep on watch drama...
then mum cook dinner n lunch today..
sis still so rebel...
sometime i feel to slap her..
i nvr reli beat her b4..mayb tats my wrong..
i donnoe wat to do to make her und wat we think of..
she is smart, she deserve better future..
but she's spoiltly everything...
she nvr learn from the mistake she done..
when she will realise it...
feel hopeless to her...
i reli hate myself...
y i cant do anything to improve the situation...
i donnoe wat should i do...
hemmm...i reli wish i will see he on9 today..
but he din..
i sms him..he said he tired after done an assignment..
so he din on9 today..i wish to chat wt him again..lik last nite..
tum tum, joke joke abit..bring away from where im unhapi wt..
i reli miss him..
i wish to be selfish, i wan to listen to his voice..
but he nd to wake up at 7am tomolo..he should get a rest..
i wish to hear again he sing a song to me..
this few nite when i listen to radio..
i heard the same song..from rainnie yang.."ai mei"
this mean alot to both of us...
suddenly reli reli miss him..
wish to see him..but so far away..
wish to hear his voice but he's tired..
i ask him whether im selfish or considerate..
he nvr see im been selfish, so tolarate to other ppl...
cz tat i cant be selfish to ask him stay abit longer chat wt me, sing a song for me, on9 for me, cant call him to listen his voice...

health

i realise my health is getting worst..
i get tired easily..
tot of going for body check up..
but com firm wit human resource tat company wont bear it on...
the worst is my heart,
the pain is awhile n lil by lil..
sumtime feel abit dizzy..
im getting terrible...
beside tat i found tat i don reli noe how to communicate wt ppl..
i could feel tat not muc ppl as close to as last time...
i found im becoming more n more dramatic..
so false..
i could sum1 is angry n wana avoid meeting me..
im so soli about tat..
some new gossip bout me in my department wt those new part timer..
reli make me paiseh wit all the stories..




i think back TTS n many ppl back..
for wat i did n wat had happened..
wow!! thinking of tat reli make ppl's brain headache..



i received a msg from TTS
i saw him when i on9 jz now..
i read the msg n conversation we had last time..




i believe the rain is coming..
the sky look dark..
tats an email i read the title is "smell lik rain"
the story is about a gal get born earlier the normal baby..
she had a tough time to survive..
but she get to stay as a normal healty gal..
one day she spoke to her mum..
tat she could smell HIM..
which her mum tot she was talking bout the rain coming soon..
n actually GOD was wt her all the way when she having a tough time..
after i read this email..
i feel so touch , almost got tears le..