great catch up

its been 2 months since the last catch up with both of them..
who i mean??
no one other then Mr Teng and Mr Stanley..
suddenly come out of my brain aft the training today..
since there's not activities and cant arrange any tonite..
i send a msg to tek seng to invite for a dinner..
of cz nvr forget mr stanley whenever we out for dinner..
we seem nvr bored of amk's food..
i manage to stop by home and release my burden of heavy bag with papers inside..
however mr teng make me wait for him as he got a late meeting..
while wait for their arrive..i suggested to catch a movie..
since the previous JOHNNY ENGLISH doesnt reli satisfied me..
n tek seng asked to but this movie called "FRIGHT NIGHT"
from the poster it seem lik some fighting movie..
eventually we went to the same place and had our dinner together..
n tek seng start to be sentimental of able to gather having a hapi dinner..
as usual, mr stanley went n settle the bill..
during the dinner, i could feel some of family and protection from this cute handsome gor gor tat i newly got even we hv known each sometime.
aft the dinner, we went to catch the show..
the show was about a Dracula man trying to hunt this guy Charles as he knew his secret..
Charles with his mother and gf, Amy were escaping n the end they survive lik normal movie..
the story line isnt tat important..
as i rmb this is the 1st time i had horror movie wt tek seng n Stanley..
the important is the moment of watching it wt them..
its so funny wats tek seng and Stanley respond during the show..
life is sad most of the time..but once awhile catching up wt this warm n great frens are jz cant measure to precious more the that.

waiting for the nxt meet in the mid of oct 21st dinner wit tek seng's parent and Stanley at 333 ^^

doesnt derserve the honour..

its his bday today..20th August..
everything was ok..nth happened..
im in peace..
until she came and told me justin is inviting to hv a drink at the bar later aft work..
i told her im not going as i rlei hv an appointment earlier..
i din noe will come to mandarin..
aft all is his off day..
i refuse to join the celebration.
however i took a cake from the cake shop for him..
even thru isnt my hand made..
but its something lil thing i could do..
i wish i could walk to him, gv him a hug and wish him "hapi bday"
but all this seem so hard..

the past tense of us

its been 4 months ago
and recently i got the feel again.
sad to say i dont think he hv changed his mind
instead i could sense he falling to another person..
mayb he could find more comfort frm her..
i should b hapi and bless him..
i wish i could but the person i suspect he fall to, its a person i couldnt accept..
which this person is so close to me..
everything is not confirm..
its all by my observe and 6th sense again

today i was cutting lemon again..
he was thr, he came over, doing his preparation..
recall back the past of us..
veli long time ago, we use to tease each other everyday..
especially we were alone at kitchen and office..
but this do seem to happen again..
suddenly tis feeling of teasing each lik each come out of my brain
pretty miss that moment..
as it wont happen anymore again
we were quiet silent..
its weird, i wonder wat to start out conversation..
he spoke something!!
he ask why this month 18th oledi, i din chase aft him for menu..
1, i almost forgotten..
2, i don feel lik looking him for tat anymore..
3, if he did, sure will send to t3..

he gv reasons or excuses again..
saying he is do bz with his work
then fri he off and sat his bday..
so asking me whether could postpone tilll nxt week,,,,,,
ermm, could i say NO??
i wont to him..
i feel myself going back to the previous us..
but in the midddle of everything happening, i stopped..
i stopped all the mind of gong back to previous
its the best i believe..
as i noe myself well..
its will jz create another incident of me hurting myself again..
so i stay away from him..

i had a dream

i dreamt him..the 2nd time he appear in my dream..
the 1st time, he was at a corner tat i spot him..
nvr said anything, jz a moment among all the crowd..
this time mostly is me n him onli..
the dream start with me n some fren hving a drink session
he came to joined, n i wasnt aware of his invite thr..
i was very angry n took a taxi went home..
the nxt day, he chase aft me n force to listen to him.
the end he try to prove to me how serious he is..
of cz i cant fight n lose to his hands..
but both of us were got punish as he spoilt many things while to prove to me..
however we are hapily being questions and wait for the punish..

i wake up frm slp.. i could clesrly rmb everything happened in the dream
then i wish wont saw him at work..
but veli fortune, he is the 1st person..
n i keep on seeing him whole day..
try to avoid n listen heard or watever regards him..
he tried to talk to me when he went home..
i cant believe, n i donnoe how to react..
so stupid lo..
of cz i try to avoid..

tats how it is

i haven't

its been more then 1 month almost near to 2 months..
things been running in my brain everyday n guessing the meaning behind it..
i tot i could get over it easily then previous same incident..
din noe it will end up lik now..
aft the 'SAM' incident, i had one angry depress week..
til i cut my hair short which help me a lil..
then took a week to think how i wan the thing goes..
it was uncomfortable between the time i had b4 i went back msia for a week
i took alot of encourage to send him msg
asking him to react normal in front of me and wish to return back b4 the incident happened
he did not reply me..
i start feel ignore when i got to noe everything about him thru bout ppl
why have to b lik this??
when i heard it, shall i feel great or irritate??
day by day passed, i found i start to hate listening bout any news regards u..
i don find it interesting anymore
as the story thr does not include me
im pretty confuse the way he respond when i was away
i heard everything bout mentioning my name out of sudden..
if our relation cant start then i hope he could stop gving this kind of joke around
tats reli not funny, it make me feel worst..
'TEK SENG' took almost 4 years to reli let everything go n back to normal..
aft all the hope n care he gvn to me..
n tell myself, 'SAM' will onli take ever less as he nvr gv any hope n care of me
btw i hv knew im not the piece of cake he prefer.
i reli wish i could forget or get over it as soon as i could
n live normally, but it does not allow me
thr's alwis some1 remind me of him n the 'SAM' incident..
to those who reli wish i could live better then now,
they should stop mention his name or recall back all the memories i had with him..
i don ever wan to hear his name any more..

the day aft incident..

i wake up a few times today..
almost every 2 hours i woke up
cant reli slp
its reli rlei bother me..
i woke up early going out wit cheng to douby ghaut then she return to work
i cont going to bras basah
reached hotel reli early before 2pm
i saw him, i proposely wlaked slowly.. make sure he enter the lift 1st
but=.= he stop n ans the call..
the most we talk today is onli 2 times
n not muc
chef kim worried n came over to talk with me
he try to comfort me
but i don reli understand but i knew he meant good..
trying to act like nth.

will not forget

it was normal day til i cant control myself..
i told him.. i believe he knew it earlier..
4 years ago, i told it to tek seng,
4 years later i mention it to another guy..
n the same result out..
i knew it, no matter how hard i hv tried..
im still the same..
ppl will oli apprieciete the way i work
but not my personal..
its alwis happen, the person u fall in love will nvr respond back the same.
n i will cont to act stronger in front every1..
but no1 know how tired i am..
being strong alone..
i chase him away aft i know he ans frm him..
im so evil..
i know i should keep it silent..
at least, the condition will not as bad as now..
i know the ans frm my 6th sense..
but lik alwis, i wan to listen frm my own ears..
making my heart break totally.
im reli sorry for the misbehave..
its reli a shame of wat i did..
i shouldnt go at 1st..
i betray the trust my family on me..
not being take care of myself..
im sorry..
im reli sorry of it..
if time could return back, i wish i will nvr know him..
n tis will not happened..
being a normal person is not tat easy..
getting married, having a loving husband n a pair of children..
it sound so simple,, but it isnt
mayb im lik wat my sis alwis said..
a dreamer.. day dreaming..
i do believe,, if we keep on trusting on something..miracle
it will happened one day
god will see it..how kind a heart could b

i hv not idea how long it takes for me to recover....
wat will happend to me aft this incident..
i jz hope ppl will treat lik nth happen,
i could treat lik nth..
im reli reli sorry,
i should good enuff controling myself
not spoilt any1 mood tonite..
not making any1 worry about..
i shouldnt..
im reli sorry, regret

i will make an effort to move on
n leave this place..
i dont want him leave,
i reli donwan..
i donwan to influnce or force him..
jesslyne is a strong ppl aft tek seng in cident
will b stronger aft this as well
i will
i mean it
i don need any1 in my life
i could do it myself..
i could arrange my own life,
i could depend on myself..
i could take care of myself n my family
i will do it all by myself,,,

sean jz agree wit my status in fb,
"sometime no matter how hard hv tried, when doesnt belong, it will not belong.."
i use to said, as long as i hv tried my best..
or as long as i choose myself the road i want walked
i will not regret of it
but who know i alwis regret the step i take..
i wish im smart enuff to make desicion
not a stupid idiot woman here
i don hv to depend any1'
i could learn independance
im stronger
im more realistic
more mature
im jz not great enuff

seriously, i wish i hv some1 beside now
that i could hug n cry non stop
no words no comfort..
jz let me go
sometime its reli torture to b alone
the loneliness could not b descride


i should stop now, or i will nvr stop..
hope i could handle it again..
thx for gving me this road,,

feel like writing

seriously i donnoe wat topic i wana write this time..
just wana to write something suddenly..
mayb something in the heart wana to voice but nowhere to..
recently i told myself not to think of them..
jz concentrate on myself b4 i could manage others..
heard of so muc from others mouth but not from him..
but today, today he come over tell me bout it..
i dare not to look at him..
i keep on thinking..
its this the correct person, correct ans..

reaction of mixture feeling

its been few days im back from my leave..
its weird how it feel..
i heard alot,think alot,n listen alot..
i din talk muc, as i donwan to speak any..
tat kind of feel donwan to talk n jz wana to listen is back..
am i tired of talking?? or i jz wan to listen frm every1??
it seem lik every1 is bz wit their own life??
ppl seem to forget the not obvious person in this world
the worst, ppl seem ignore..
really veli unhapi wit this kind of feeling..
keep on telling myself not to think so muc.
even today we sit in the same office jz side by side..
i donnoe how should i start the conversation..
1st time we been keep silent when alone..
the more we talk the more i feel uncomfortable..link to nowhere that i should..
understand something in the world could not b force..
but to jz gv up, isnt lik me..
this time, its lik 2nd tek seng inccident happen again..
the diff is diff place, diff character..
should same ending as well..
recently i think of alot pharses out..
but din write it out..
eventually, no1 will care wats it is, how it is, ...

2nd day back ipoh-11th march 2011

since ytd i slpt late, today i oso wake up late..hehe
i would said today its a rainning day..
noon it was rainning..at night as well..
wat have i did today??
i went out to tesco to buy something..
like hangers to my clothes, mirror for me to make up..
some make up accessories that i need.
then went home to drop all the food n items we bought..
aft a while, me n mum went out to ah ming sifu's place..
ermm, actually during cny i planned to ask him something..
it may sound funny tat i would trust wat he said..
but i do, mayb it do comfort myself wherever im lost..
this time, he said im ok thru out the year..
jz ndto take care of my meal..less spicy sour and cold food..
career, sure will hv promotion n increase of salary..
i did ask whether its a suitable year for me to study..
i could study til im 28years old..
tats wat he mention..
i do hv alot "siao ren", i do believe so..
ask about staying wt another rabbit hows tat..
he gvn me some advices..i reli hope nth muc happened..
of cz in front mum i din ask bout my love life..
however mum asked for me..
he mention i will get marry when i reached 28 years old..
when im 33years old i will blame my partner for disablity in life..
which i bellieve i will, as im quite demanding..
thru the years i will hv short term love..
he donwan to said muc on it..
as he scare i will refer it to wat i hv..
aft i back home, i keep on thinking whether i should confront it..
no matter its my life partner or not..
as long as i did it b4..
and as alwis i said, dont regret with wat have done..
he oso mention this year im reli emo n confuse with wat i wan..
seem quite true, i reli donnoe how should i walk the road now..
anyway aft dinner at home, i start do facial for elder sis..
then my turn..
of cz i know tomolo i will not have muc time..so i start to do my nail polish le..
suddenly feel abit bored..
reli wan to find some1 to talk with..
but donnoe who i wana chat with..
sometime, i think..
its tat difficult to get some1 accompany along the road of life??
its tat true wat i heard that im too naive??
believe in fairy tale??
believe in true love?
n i alwis ask when is my turn to find this mr right?

1st day back ipoh-10th march 2011

this morning just reach ipoh..
did nth much then had a breakfast then went home take a nap n cont my lunch outside n sleep again later on..
at night went out with siew lon, as both of us too silly nth to do..
so we went out yum cha..
reached home plan to cont finish my drama..
have no idea with my itchy hands n fingers..
oledi in my mind not to post any update in facebook..
but keep on n on updating myself..
haiz..
the end still post some status hints how miss i am to him..
nvr la..the worst things i did was i view chee hong profile again..
=.=" donnoe why the hand will type his name on the search column..
donnoe reli wat make me view his profile the second time..
i noe everytime i view it, i sure feel uncomfortable n sad..
n i will start think alot of nonsense..
this reli cross my mind..
if tat time i manage to get into UUM..
we manage to meet up again thr..
how would everything be??
will he scare n come over to confront me??
how will he react when see me??
will he spread rumors?
if one day he saw me, wat his respond??
will he still rmb me??
its pretty sad with all this wonders in mind..
its reli silly still thinking of him "chin yan'
but i cant stop it..
like the rest of them, i cant stop recalled back all the past we spent..
the worst i still wonder if we din end wat will tat b??
ah mun ah mun, wake up la!!!!!

happening feb

seem lik the whole feb is so happening..
early month cny..
go back met so many frenz..
n between of cz did happened something..
i was in relationship wt a fren few days..
but it din go well in certain reason..
so we decide to end this relation aft i back to sg..
i met jay, ian, and some other fren lik khye chuan, siew lon, wengkit..
then when i back every1 was so hapi to know im in relation..
but then they din noe it was a few days ago onli
im ok de..i din cry, i din angry, i din throw temper..
veli ok..
yea, actually during the cny in ipoh, i met a fren ian..
we actually plan to spend a day together..
however he misarranged his timetable..
so i follow his plan to visit a fren at gopeng..
of cz with others frenz of him lo..
one of his fren look alike chee hong..
reli alike de..but i believe he is better then chee hong de..
so we did spend a day together, which din manage to visit the fren at gopeng as the traffic jam..reli crazy crowded oo..
so we went to his home at tasek..1st time i went his house..
then get a dinner..during dinner another fren frm ipoh came n joined us for dinner..
i couldnt recall where i met him b4..so do him..
haha..i believe 1 day sure i will noe where i met him b4 de..
then i met jay, he seem lik cant believe he went out wt a gal n go dinner at foodcourt...hahah..
but the end a lil bit scary as he hints abit to me >.<
anyway jz treat him as good fren tat could talk about anything..
khye chuan, nth special then last time..he still trying to impress n get to noe me welll..
a good fren..sometime feel guilty to him
back to sg le aft the long holiday..
now i start to bz wt a few things..
ready to pack n move to another room with vic..
looking for another new job..went for an interview..
talked to many ppl..
start to realise i could reli let him go..
who i mean?? of cz my monitor la..
hahaha..at last i sucessfully let him go but sure will put him at important place..
still take care him but the feel has gone..
^^
and march will b another bz month to write down all happening..

love movie

i got myself a movie aft waiting so long...
the prob was, i din manage to force myself to watch this movie
and i jz wan to watch alone..
luckily, this movie is still on show in cinema..
aft went out wt bert n G today.
i reached home early as they cxl movie today aft dinner..
i make myself to go for it..
and i enjoy it..
the story was bout 2 person meet n wanted to hv physically but not emotionally connection..
as both hv their own reasons..
however, the end they found, they had fall in love which each..
trying to solve the previous reasons to get back together..
n wats the most important for me not the story line or wat..
but the end, it teach me..
wats mean to b, it will..not matter how hard, how may time hv try..
it will come to us, when the time come..
and guess wat??
sometime even the best definition couldn't b understand then we experience our self.
jz go ahead, knock the doors, fall down, jump the rivers, n thr's the candle to light up the life..
i hv no idea, but jz feel wanted to express myself n everything is jz running around my brain to buzz out..
hope that one day, i will grad some1..
sorry rephrase, some1 grad me and said, u r mine..
n surprisingly, i'm willing..hahaha

maribhet

maribhet is a philippe gal which same age as me..
she is my 1st trainee buddy attached together
it was lik ytd the 1st day i was sitting down together telling her everything about the restaurant.
it is so fresh i still remember the way i alwis throw everywhere without reli taking care of her
n she did it veli well..kind of sad to hv me as her buddy..
and now she is leaving n go back to her country..
she was crying on her last day..
sort of unbear the feeling she will be leaving
reli will miss her alot
i ask for forgiveness frm her one of the day we hang out to celebrate her gradute
she did not angry wat i did, instead she being kind saying i did it veli well
i train her well and stronger..i couldnt express how i feel..
but i would say im so lucky to hv her..
out of all the hostess i hv train, she would b the best i had n i reli din guide her alot..
im reli proud having her..
as i train another new trainee as hostess today..
recalled me myself how hard i hv push bhet..
im so pampering the one i had..

jz last one,
i love you bhet!!1
will miss u alot