last blog of 2008..

today is 31st of dec 2008...
the last date of dec..
i wasnt hapi today..
even i try my best to control n let myself to be hapier..
but things doesnt working..
i don wish to cross my end of the year lik tat..
but everything doesnt help me to do so..
i hate hate hate hate now..
am i easy to bully?
tats y im the victim?
will they ever consider my feeling???
will ever they stand on myself side n care of me???
why should i care them so muc??
who am i to them???
when they nd sum1, here come to me..
should i learn to said no then being the yes gal??
im working split stiff today..
i don mind..i should in hostess today..
but i was being told tat dinner there's 3 hostess..
they doesnt need me thr..
but i need to cover the hostess to go break..
wats tat mean??
u said u got so many hostess, then y still nd me to cover since u got enuff power thr??
then throw me to floor..
i should end at 8pm..
kiasi, kiasu, ask me to stay till 11pm,
reason help up n could count down together..
nvr ask me, put my stiff from 630 to 11pm at floor..
i could do anything where they wan to put me..
either floor or hostess..
but my time to company is only 8hours..
after tats my own time, if i wan to work more or not,
is as i lik, but this doesnt seem lik wat happening..
is bcz everything i said yes, nvr reject mean i will alwis ok or they are taking advantage??
i pretend not to realise it..
they ask me to stya till 11pm..
ok fine i will stay even i noe is not bz..
doesnt nd tat muc of staff anyway..
thr's many excuses being gvn..
is prove tats not bz..
told me tat if i wan to back i can back..
mean what??
u doesnt nd me anymore??
wan me to go back??
wats tat mean le??
u nd me then i stay no then go home..
today is eve of new year..
if let said my frenz date me out tonite..
but i tot i was working till 11pm..
i rejected the request..
then how le??
not onli tat..
once i go up..
nth was done..
still ask me y i dress lik tat??
dont u see the floor plan..
trying to tease me or wat??
im thr, every1 gone, gone for dinner..
im alone settle the buffet,
din u even plan send sum1 for earlier break..
since is enuff staff..
every1 bz taking pic..the menu wasnt done by me..
how i noe where it should be..
i nd to ans the pho.
do food tags..
then how??
if din finished who help me??
after finished from break, din even ask whether i settle the buffet,
gone to take pic oso..
is it tat nice the buffet??
tat shit dress damn big, argh!!
every1 was laughing...
im so angry..wats tat..
feel tat im kind lik a ball..
being throw to everyplace where nded..
tats the bad way of thinking..
in the good way, said i capable,
can go any place..
if im reli tat capable then promote me lo
any discussion let me noe lo..
but this even involve me..
i'll alwis the left out..
i reli reli upsad..
when i joined, we add every1 as team members..
as family member.. we r in a team..
but it don seem as,is jz each using each..
playing, fooling around..
im so tired..
feel lik going home..
in actually i don reli nd to be tat suffer for life..
why should i??
tat day elbert said i bring geo to balcony..
bring geo to drink..
seem lik i force geo even i noe he shouldnt take alcohol..
wats tat mean??
im so so so bad till spoilt ppl's health??
im sure a evil to destroy everything..
im a disaster??
im so cheap tat every single tat i do, i went out wit a guy..
mean i simply social wit guys??
i still remember..
tats a manager said this phares b4..
" look at her, oso noe she not virgin la"
i virgin or not is not ur matter..
but wat u said make bad impressure to me..
ppl being so irritating..
argh..