the day aft incident..

i wake up a few times today..
almost every 2 hours i woke up
cant reli slp
its reli rlei bother me..
i woke up early going out wit cheng to douby ghaut then she return to work
i cont going to bras basah
reached hotel reli early before 2pm
i saw him, i proposely wlaked slowly.. make sure he enter the lift 1st
but=.= he stop n ans the call..
the most we talk today is onli 2 times
n not muc
chef kim worried n came over to talk with me
he try to comfort me
but i don reli understand but i knew he meant good..
trying to act like nth.

will not forget

it was normal day til i cant control myself..
i told him.. i believe he knew it earlier..
4 years ago, i told it to tek seng,
4 years later i mention it to another guy..
n the same result out..
i knew it, no matter how hard i hv tried..
im still the same..
ppl will oli apprieciete the way i work
but not my personal..
its alwis happen, the person u fall in love will nvr respond back the same.
n i will cont to act stronger in front every1..
but no1 know how tired i am..
being strong alone..
i chase him away aft i know he ans frm him..
im so evil..
i know i should keep it silent..
at least, the condition will not as bad as now..
i know the ans frm my 6th sense..
but lik alwis, i wan to listen frm my own ears..
making my heart break totally.
im reli sorry for the misbehave..
its reli a shame of wat i did..
i shouldnt go at 1st..
i betray the trust my family on me..
not being take care of myself..
im sorry..
im reli sorry of it..
if time could return back, i wish i will nvr know him..
n tis will not happened..
being a normal person is not tat easy..
getting married, having a loving husband n a pair of children..
it sound so simple,, but it isnt
mayb im lik wat my sis alwis said..
a dreamer.. day dreaming..
i do believe,, if we keep on trusting on something..miracle
it will happened one day
god will see it..how kind a heart could b

i hv not idea how long it takes for me to recover....
wat will happend to me aft this incident..
i jz hope ppl will treat lik nth happen,
i could treat lik nth..
im reli reli sorry,
i should good enuff controling myself
not spoilt any1 mood tonite..
not making any1 worry about..
i shouldnt..
im reli sorry, regret

i will make an effort to move on
n leave this place..
i dont want him leave,
i reli donwan..
i donwan to influnce or force him..
jesslyne is a strong ppl aft tek seng in cident
will b stronger aft this as well
i will
i mean it
i don need any1 in my life
i could do it myself..
i could arrange my own life,
i could depend on myself..
i could take care of myself n my family
i will do it all by myself,,,

sean jz agree wit my status in fb,
"sometime no matter how hard hv tried, when doesnt belong, it will not belong.."
i use to said, as long as i hv tried my best..
or as long as i choose myself the road i want walked
i will not regret of it
but who know i alwis regret the step i take..
i wish im smart enuff to make desicion
not a stupid idiot woman here
i don hv to depend any1'
i could learn independance
im stronger
im more realistic
more mature
im jz not great enuff

seriously, i wish i hv some1 beside now
that i could hug n cry non stop
no words no comfort..
jz let me go
sometime its reli torture to b alone
the loneliness could not b descride


i should stop now, or i will nvr stop..
hope i could handle it again..
thx for gving me this road,,

feel like writing

seriously i donnoe wat topic i wana write this time..
just wana to write something suddenly..
mayb something in the heart wana to voice but nowhere to..
recently i told myself not to think of them..
jz concentrate on myself b4 i could manage others..
heard of so muc from others mouth but not from him..
but today, today he come over tell me bout it..
i dare not to look at him..
i keep on thinking..
its this the correct person, correct ans..