alone

do u feel alone???
when will u descride u are alone??
its this consier alone??
alone wake up early in the morning..
alone sitting in the train/bus..
alone slowing walk to company..
alone sitting down hving breakfast..
alone working with false facess..
alone considerate others..
alone too care of it..
alone bear wit work..
alone waiting time to leave work..
alone sitting in the office, trying to finish everything..
alone listening to songs..
alone singing songs in the heart..
alone went for dinner..
alone walk back home silently..
alone sitting in front of comp..
alone in room without anything to do..
alone waiting some to reply her..
alone waiting some1 call to chat..
alone trying to slp for another alone day..
wat do u think??
trying to entertain every1
trying to b nice to every1
trying to finish everything as can
trying to b better
trying to keep contact but doesnt allow
trying to chance but couldnt
trying to find the list to call but din manage
trying to help but tiring
trying to entertain own but too quiet
trying to hv fun but no around
trying n trying n tryng
trying to lie own but din manage to lie the heart

how kind i could b?

today i dont feel tired..
but i feel something else
i felt im kind n alrite with everything
which its good for every1
but does tat good to me??
mayb will build up my PR n relation with every1
however i kind of dislike how i am now
im mean..im straightforward..im impatient
but i hv to b opposite
lazy to talk wt every1 as even i tell i don think they will und
i went for an interview one day..
n this person is so comfortable n wont hv any stress talking to him..
i was plan to change another post as to make myself stay till the bonus out
but now i hv another mind set
i reli donwan to stay thr anymore
reli hv to do a count down..
i hearrd ryan wanted to leave..
but susprising, mani as well..
hermm..for me there will b another 3 months to run this place
n i believe i will b away frm thr
sorry should repharse as i will leave this place
reli sad about this place
sad with the ppl, sad with being treat..
how ppl nvr learn frm mistake..
management with plenty cover faces..
not being sincere..
tats sometime reli make me don und them..

nth special then jz normal me..

i hv no idea wat had happened but..
suddenly i felt tat i hv changed..
its not same as the past who i am..
i wasnt reli smart as i am..
i wasnt reli pretty as i am..
i wasnt reli aggressive as i am..
i wasnt reli kind as i am..
i wasnt reli ambitious as i am..
i wasnt reli tough as i am..
n suddenly i jz want to hv a normal life..
jz to get some1 tat i love n of cz in return..
which reli reli sincere..
a normal life..
peaceful, not necessary wealthy..
but affortable..
however it seem so difficult..
n im confuse where to go..
wat im doing..

dinner @ T3 on 10th Sept 2010

i din hv enuff slp for tat day..
plus went to work so early..
suddenly tek seng tell me around 3plus,tat her sis wana to come for dinner on the day..=.=
i wish i don hv to join but if not then they cant get any discount..
then i cont work with my paperwork n wait him til 7pm..
it was a pleasant evening
then i met some of his sis's frenz
we were enjoying the dinner..
they enjoy the lobsters n environment alot as well..
i was enjoying the dinner moment with him..
i confront tek seng telling about chee hong's issue
i told him who is chee hong..
he is the 1st guy noe about chee hong among my fren.
eventually he knew it was me
as i was angry wheni mention chee hong..
now i noe mayb tat time, i was the third party..
hahah got cheated
back to the dinner.
most of the chefs tot tek seng is my bf..
how on earth i wish it is..
but i fon think this will ever happen..
nvr the less, i don wish it any more somehow..
kind of too late ba..
mayb i too sensitive bt i sense of tek seng start to care of me..
which muc diff from last time
he ask me to send chee hong's pic to him..
i ask him why, he say he curious..
but i don think tat simple ans it is..
he keep remind to send chee hong's pic..
after i sent, we din talk muc on chee hong..
plusi nd to wake up early the nxt day..

Lim Chee Hong

today, suddenly i tot of him..
so in facebook i search him..
i found him..
n i saw something
alot of things i saw
i odn think i should cont view all tat..
but heart n fingers cant control keep pressing the key next next
viewing all the pics..
reading his comment
he graduated..
late oct its he's convo
she is from penang as well
same uni
look good
wat else should i said
i believe he forgotten me
as i believe in wat n why he did so in the past
tats may b the truth
its cruel for me to noe why
tats a word from him, i will jz take it
previously i went penang for my holiday
i've veli long din go penang de
i stayed penang for half years then move out
it seem penang doesnt gv me alot of good experince..
this time in penang nth muc happened then a visit
but for me it recall him n..
all the while i wonder how his place are
i wana noe him more..
but this doesnt help me to forget n release this person
he may not worth it but he is still thr
the feeling when i look at the picz,
i noe he hv great wonderful uni life
n most probably he hv forgotten me
which tats pretty sad..
the story about wasnt muc then a column in life
but tat column gv a lot of memories n sadness

who care???

hv any1 try to understand how i feel..
wat i hv gone thru....
wat i hv been done..
i jz cant explain how bad i feel now..
its seem lik no1 could understand how tired n wat i see now..
i hv a family that no1 will take care after my parent arent thr..
who should i blame?
i hv a sister nd my care after my parent gone..
who should i blame?
i hv my dream to cont study but i cant afford.
who should i blame??
i hv my dream of future n career, but where else could i go??
who should i blame??
i hv so muc so stress
who cant i rely on??
so many ppl telling me the stories
but to who i tell my stories??
so many ppl around me
but to who i shall trust??
so many frenz i knew
but who will lend a hand when i nded??
after all been thru
who will care how i feel??
after been deeling all unreasonable gst
could i still be patient??
after all the trouble ppl make to settle
but who will settle mine??
all the suggestion n proposal i given?
will they care?
after so long i stand thr
how long could i stand thr anymore?
after living in this life for more then 22years
how long could i take this kind of life again??
after all the stress n indirect killing..
will i hv cancer??
will i die with cancer??
after i hv been so sturbord holding the one..
will i get it even i knew i cant..
after 4years of waiting..
will it come truth??
whenever thats a prob, the person to find is me..
why me?
cz im ur daughter?
cz im ur captain?
cz im ur sister?
cz im ur frenz?
cz im stupid or wat!!!
with all the negative running in my blood n mind.
shall i still nd to cont pretend nth happened, to make sure no1 worry??
but who care of me??
every1 blame n complaint the same issue..
but how come i cant??
every1 got 24hours..
why i alwis running out of time??
i hv so many questions
but who could ans all of them..
as alwis, im alwis alone when i nd something..
as alwis, i nd to silent n patient when i was throw by thousand of issues
as alwis i nd to be more considerate then the others
as alwis i nd to let go something to fulfill others
as alwis i nd to think more mature then the others
as alwis i nd to scarisfice for other comfort.
as alwis as alwis n its seem lik a mz on me..
why cant its a route??

singaporean mindset

im not sure wat make me hapi now..
i kind of fake in everything i smile n laugh at now
i start to complaint everything n every1
i hate being lik tat..
i cant believe some1 telling that she cant b hostess, she will die if she stand thr..
however she is still breathing til now..
n the onli things motivate her to stand thr is bcz she wana to wear the cheongsam..
=.="
wat a stupid mind she hv..
this woman reli make me feel so embaresss as she is elder then me but keep telling me she cant this n that..
its bcz she is the youngest in family make her spoilt..
should thanks her parent??
carrying a tray oso tell me cant.. i will teach..
teach le oso donwan to listen, nvr take in to the heart..
she make me shame as she is a gal..
then the other one, he tellme he cant b cashier..
=.=" telling me he cant as he don hv the mood..
i don care u got mood or not..
given a task then do it..
if he wan, b the COD then take in charge of manning..
i don mind b the cashier..
the most unreasonable reason was telling me today i don hv mood to b tomolo cashier..
today no mood mean tomolo oso no mood?
who will care u got mood anot..
somemore push to other ppl to do..
y mz this sad man alwis b the cashier??
i reli angry le..
i was told im not lik the msian mindset as to b lazy..
im sad if one day im lik tat..
i was force not to b lazy..
i cant bear to stop hardworking a min..
there's so many things waiting for me..
compare to many ppl in my age.
i was told more mature mindset then other..
i believe the teenager life i hv been make me to b mature..
i hv to be lik this..
don u think is very tiring??
yes, its very tired to be the one alwis think maturily,work hard,keep on force to move further..
its thr anyone to talk to when needed??

22nd July 2010

i afraid one day im the one crazy instead of u..
today is my off..din plan muc for today..
suddenly felt lik going to LiLy's place but she wasnt thr..
then met bang bang in city hall then go to absinthe..
philippe wasnt in as thr's outside catering during lunch.
michael come back later n gv me a call..
while wait for them, we go to chinatown..
as usual, i went to my favorite dim sum..
we bought some clothes as well..
then return thr, chat wt michael n kelly awhile..
they told me after nxt year world gummit will resign.
feel so sad of it..
then i received call from him telling me that the result out..
everything its fine!! could hear that he's veli hapi with it..
me cheng bang n pat went to chinatown took our dinner..
i will rmb n one day wil bring him thr try it as well..reli tasty the food^^
he was hving a late dinner at chatterbox with his manager..
so might go home together, however he ask me go buy ticket to hv movie tonite.
but i was so angry n tired..
cz out for whole day, but he din und.
so i took a cab back to amk hub..
silly de me, reli go n check at hub the movie timing..
told him that the cinema closed..
he abit dissapointed, as he forgotten im off today n couldnt catch a movie..
hemm, i was abit sad, but after listen to him, i felt abit better..
wat happened to me..
jesslyne ar!!!!
reach home, i was reli tired, took a bath n staright to on9.
suddenly he called me, told me he reach home..
bla bla bla, wat happened during the dinner..
hows the manager behaving..
the conversation problem with the manager..
he told me alot..
i realise he will call me recently
last time he wont
then he will tell me alot of things..
he start to show the real him..
bla bla bla..
he even sound abit hapi when he noe we off on sun next week
he ask to meet for breakfast tomolo..
usually he will ask me to accommodate him..
but after he think twice, he will wakl to hub n hv breakfast wt me..
hemm..
he start to confue me again..
bring me up n down =.="

20 July 2010

had a veli late slp ytd due to keep watching drama..
this morning wake up veli tired..
should say this few days oso feel lazy n tired to wake up..
received ur call reli susprised me..
sort of adding some sweetness in the morning..
jz 2 days, i start wondering how r u?
went to work lik ytd with empty stomach..haha
tot today will b better, however still the same..
however this time a bit muc more better then previous.
rosley was in course training 5 taiwanese trainees.
however will stay til dinner..
he went home ealier,
siti not feeling well, some doc gave her 2 days mc..
today i proud, hostess coffee and crust captain incharge, cashier..
=.="
we are pack with 195cover with onli 4full timer,2trainees, 7tcc, but 1tcc go back at 7pm then 1 tcc go back at 1030pm..
donnoe how should it b descride...
i stay till 1pm plus to settle all the bills..
luckily the bills all ok..
rosley pula balik around 930pm..
not onli me,but lilian,bhet,anderson n nico oso stay to help setting up the restaurant..

18th july2010

today i wake up veli late..im veli tired..
reach home around 5am after drinking with lavina and siti.
however i still feel lik meeting him today.
we met up today around 330pm at hub.
he is starting work tomolo
he told me domething when we went to kbox.
im not sure whether i should hapi of it of not..
he told me something, a secret..
the moment i heard it, inside my heart was abit shocked but i still smile n comfort him..
after awhile, something running in my brain.
thats normal, but tats something in heart feel uncomfortable,confuse..
abit down but i hv to motivate him tat,its the past..it would b alrite..
got our dinner, manage to catch a movie together again..
actually i reli tired.. but if i don accompany him now.
i scared i cant in the future.
lik 4years ago,i still will b thr when he nd me..
deep in my heart i reli don wish that will happen.
n believe it wont happen to him.i shouldnt think so muc..
b positive n bless with sincere heart..

16th july 2010

i tot today i will hv a usual day as normal..
a day i go to work with a tired body..
then work til frusarated.
then went home with tired tired body..
however today i wake up with a hapi mood..
i think of him suddenly..
so i started to dress up abit today..haha
however at work was lik usual..
anyway, at the end of the day, i received a msg..
this make my day back..^^
he ask me out for a movie..
however i make him waited me 30min.
when i reached thr, i could feel that he is angry..
but after that he's back to normal le..
feel so sweet..
i wear a dress n din bring any jacket ..
he offer me his white jacket..^^
so sweet le..
we will go n catch the mvie again.."the craziest"
^^ even its onli 2hours plus, but this reli gv me a great evening..

25th May 2010

jesslyne is crazy , im crazy..
everyday i am crazy..
i donnoe why..its jz not me..
im trying to make myself hapi and others as well..
hemm..reli tired to go work..
my brain my heart doesnt wan to go work..
but my physical force me thr..
today was so bz during dinner
tats a group coming in a short while..lik a bomb come in the sudden..
but after tat every1 come n help..haha..
anyway..its jz a short one..
they come at 730pm then by 9pm they are gone
suddenly when i check my phn..
i saw a msg from him..
argh!!! so miss him..n in the bz time i got his msg..
haha..the way he write the msg make me soft hearter and touch..
mayb die already as well.lol jk la..
he tell me in the msg tat we are meeting soon..
keep on mention this..
he reli noe i wish to see him soon??
hemm...

22nd May 2010

the May, alot have happened..
i got promoted early of MAy as captain form hostess..
from hostess i am been pull to do service..
the last 3days b4 i go hong kong i the 1st timebecome COD.
the 1st day is me myself as COD..
the last night i still nd towork til 1plus b4 i go home and rush for my flight to hong kong..
tek seng been here..
i went hong kong with bert and grace and geo and gary..
we go for 9 days..
in 9days we eat n eat n eat..play walk n walk..
walk alot n eat alot as well..
but fun however onli get to slp around 5 hours per day..
during the vacation, i was imagining if tek seng went with me then how it will be..
wish he was thr during the vacation..
reach sg back was lik a dream that doesnt wish it come truth..
from the 2nd day i back til today..only tonite i din see him..
every nite i saw him b4 i slp..
i was yum cha wt him n talk alot at crab place..
then attend the farewell party..
then ask yum cha at the same place..
then he dicided the go home le..
it may takes a month or more then onli miht meet each again..
when he left, he sent a sms..
sure im going tommis him

tats all,,

i reli veli tired..tired with everything..
especially the ppl i work with..
im not sure whether my desicion is correct but at this moment..
i reli don wan to see the face of all the irritating ppl..
i have been thinking veli long time..
but this time i reli have make a move on it..
i have jz finished type my resignation letter..
leaving mandarin doesnt make me wonder 2nd tot other then Rosley and cheryl.
i onli will feel soli to both of them.
cheryl have done so muc for me..
get me promoted jz with my working experince in mandarin for 5months.
rosley is so confident and appreciate the things i have done..
however only both of them know how hard i have done wasnt strong enuff for me to stay..
compare to their stress, mine of cz will not as heavy as their..
however i reli couldnt take it any more..
or mayb should i say..
i doesnt do my job well..
i couldnt hand my task on time or unsuccessfully do it..
but i rlei regret i learn alot from this place..
i learn to b more independance..
no1 you can reli count on..
no1 you can reli trust on..
ppl will not appreciate the things have done..
anyway, i think i reli need a break..
reli tired with the life i have now..
nth reli different then wat i had when i was with absinthe..

nth much i need now

today im off..
going out with cheng and bang almost whole day..
we went to buy something then back mandarin to pass over the stationary i bought..
oso got a full full brunch having buffet japanese food at sakae sushi..
then kar leong came n join us..
we had a veli full full brunch ba..
then cheng wan to buy a coat for her work de..
then the near by shop don hv..
so i suggest at suntec city
so accompany go find the coat then pat came to join..
after that, we accompany pat eat eat lo..
then since is near by oscars..
i went over but all the ppl i noe were not thr anymore..
i jz saw frankie, my loong tai hub..
miss him alot..chat awhile..
then i went home..donnoe y feel lik sms tek seng..
then we decide to meet at the market near by..
jz both of us..^^
during the talk..we talk alot of things..
about hows his work hunting is..
hows his relation between his sister..
how silly his sister..
how kar chuan is..
he got chicken pop now..
he consider whether i had it b4 la..
alot alot..
meet him at 11pm then around 130am..
we go back le..
seriously i reli envy his relation with his sis..
i will nvr had that kind of relation with him..
but from wat he tell me
how his sis done everything to him..
i reli couldnt compare myself with her..
however, i feel glad..
donnoe y.
he said go home then take shower oo..
i rlei do so..
haha..he still the one influence me alot..
but i think i am hapi wat i hv wt him..
simple fren..nth muc then that..
seriously if u wan me to b frank..
i reli donnoe wat my feel to him..
i reli still love him or??
i reli couldnt ans now..
i jz feel good in this way..
but when he tell me his sis will come later..
i rlei don feel good..
however i noe his sis status in his heart i reli cant replace..
i shall jz hapi wit wat i hv now

he is back

today i off i wait at home whole day..
he sms me when he almost reach.
when out fetch him..
but we stay at thr awhile to take dinner.
at 1st plan to take some pineapple fried rice..
but donnoe wat shop we enter..then jz order some ala carte..
we talk abit the past n present..
then we went home..
he stay veli near my place..
but he will move soon as the work place veli far..
anyway, i went home..
as he said will come n look for us later on..
i watch my drama takemy time..
he came..
sit awhile n chat abit..
then he suggest to go sing k..
then reach k box..
need to wait til 10 to get a room..
so we went down to take a drink break..
his sis came with her bf..
chit chat awhile..
seem lik normal as usual..
still couldnt get sometime wat he mean..
however tat might not be important to me..
wats important is how i feel..
he told me this time isnt his vacation..
he come for interview..
i wish he got success.. i believe he could..
the whoel nite we sang k..
but the feeling abit weird..
i donnoe how to said..
plus abit lik how i hate kok leong..but not tat deep..
abit confusing..
wat will happen in the future le?

scorpio vs aquarius

scorpio has been known all this while as a mystery horoscope.
hard to predict wat their mind running up to..
as well descride as a protective horoscope..
they will protect wat they feel important with they sting..
mean with their strongest strength..
outlook may as like ice but was descride b4 that when come close it turn to fire..
they hate being betray..
they are so loyal that may in their life only have a person the love most n willing to wait for long duration..
aquarius as a creative horoscope..
hard to control like a wide sea..
they have their own mind and idea of world..

recently i watched a horoscope drama..
i do noe this from begining that horoscope only could help us noe muc more better of urself..
they could help us to descride how the future or wats our future will be..
all is in our hand, depend on how we make the choice..
as i read the book in the past..
it does said scorpio n aquarius isnt the best match..
but whether its truth or not, it still on how we handle it..
this brought me back to old days..
refresh back when scorpio met aquarius..
memories of both..however it seem left not muc anymore..
even been some times..
but this is still in the mind not giving up..
eventrought wat the ans is..
the heart still isnt die with it..
haiz..how's the fate going to make it le??

bert going back msia

i got the news that bert wana return to msia quite sometimes..
but i din tell any1 even geo, as i think he must having a bad time now..
he mc , take unpaid leave, did alot of things..
din go work since he come back ffrom cny..
even geo work at the same place wt him but oso cant manage to meet him..
that day, i got a confirm sms from bert tha he wan to go back msia..
he tender his resignation letter..
at 1st i wasn't feeling anything but later on..
when i chat wt geo regard bert..
i start to refresh back about him..
he is the 1st person make me cry..
as i felt i got protected by this fren when i need to..
some1 softhearted
he knew i love siew mai..
knew im not dare to take from buffet line..
he will prepare for me..
even sometime he may sound abit rough or unkind..
but he din mean so..
may due to the go as man and big bro..
i couldnt descride the feeling..but i reli hapi that i met him..
after ivan gone, bert is the one taking care of us..
now he is gone as well..
then who will take care me le??
when think of this all, i nearly cry..
compare the time ivan leaving n now bert leaving..
i believe i have more strong feeling this time..
mayb during ivan time, i could prepare something for him when he leave..
but bert, wat could i do..
feel so sorry to him..
im sure will miss hiim so muc..

1st and last night of cny in msia 2010

still remember the 1st night i reach ipoh..
it was the 3rd day of cny..
dad will go back kl work tat night..
so i got a morning bus back ipoh reaching around 6pm plus..
after had dinner with dad n whole family,
later around 9 plus went to jusco to buy a cake for ah kee..
cz at 1st waiting cheng to fetch me, but she was abit running time..
but then meet up with them at kopitiam near tambun..
however that was the worst experince i ever had in a old town..
i ask a guy in red shirt to keep the cake n present to us when every1 thr..
he told me tat thr's no electric and no space to keep it for me..
then i told the server about it, he mention out loudly in front every1..
we all were suspised the way it is.haiz
then we change table as the one we having were too hot due to the air con spoilt..
the ais honey lemon water was only sour then without any honey taste..
then the end i ask a guy to serve us the cake..
cant imagine tat he gave me the whole box as how i gave it to them..
=='
then ask for lighter, he told me he din smoke..
ask 3 times only get a lighter..haiz
then we decide to change place to sit down chat chat..
then we decided to go cheng's home to drink drink ^^
we talk bout many things..its been long time 4 of us din have the chance to gather..
kee went home 1st then follow by ah bang..
i stay til around 3plus then cheng sent me home..
the last night of cny i in ipoh was quite great as well..
i was hanging at home since i wake up..
but then at afternoon i get to meet a old time fren..
i have been long time din manage to meet him..
thats the guy i noe when i work as a part timer..
SHEE KEIN WEI !!!!
the way we knew each stil fresh in my mind..
he saw siow mun working in food and tea, then got to noe im still in ipoh..
then we out meet for awhile at bercham..
he din change..still the same..
even the car still the same..
the deco, his skill of driving, his look..
everything still same..
reli glad could meet him at last..
at the past we try to meet up but the timing doesnt allow..
after sat down chatting with him..
the feeling still same, so comfortable, the way he talk so funny..
then later on, went home to have dinner at movenpeak steamboat with whole family..
after dinner dad went kl for work again..
we go to grandma's home, to pray for the 9th cny..
even its not as great as last time..but at least i spent sometime with grandma..
the next day, morning i got to take the bus back to sg..
the holiday seem end so fast..
but even i din do muc this time back..
but i appreciate wat i got to do..
lik meeting a old fren..

5th Feb 2010

is been reli a long time i din write my blog..
is due to my working hour and too tired , of cz another word of it is "lazy"..
reli happened alot of things in this few months..
i have resign from absinthe n joined this new company "MERITUS MANDARIN"
i've been assign as hostess..i was once the onli full timer hostess.
should i proud of it or not?
still remember how long hour i have work on..
staying from morning till nite time jz to finish up everything..
without any guide, any buddy assist me..
i have learn every little thing myself..
knock my head a few things..
i don think i could forget how i work the time i in meritus..
the 1st hotel i have been without a respek, even absinthe the small lil french restaurant they prepare with it..
the longer im there the worst im ..
no more disciple with me..
sometime i felt so tired..
i don understand why i will join this company..
the onli reason i could find, they offer me a better post that time..
and i was unsatrifice how hard i work at absinthe.
i went chinatown on tue nite with cheng..
later on, i went to absinthe to visit them..
kind of miss over there..
miss the way pau pau make fun, act cute..
miss kelly the playful one..
but k.a. isnt there anymore..
alfit, no more there..
deepe not there as well..
irritating joseph still thr..
but my bro kelvin wasnt there anymore..
kind of touch that pau still remember how i work last time compare to other..
he still believe on me even i left him without 2weeks notice..
on wed, i went out with geo..
been long din enjoy so muc going out with fren..
we talk alot of things..
the end mention of future..about saving..
oso make me think of alot of things..
hemmm..
then today, i felt my manger doesnt reli appreciate me..
when i felt that, it doesnt mean good..
i feel so tired will every1..
shikin wasnt helping me..
she is like having herown sweet time..
hings that ask her to be done, she din..
should stop talking that..
i have many ideas i want to share but, it doesnt seem been taken serious..
when i on the way back today..
suddenly this cross by my mind..
asking pau to write me a testimonia..
he agree and wana offer me a job..
as a captain/hostess..
i tot he was joking but he is serious..
however, i told him i am not as experince as the rest captain he got now..
he could get me as junior cap to strong up my bacis then go to captain..
i din reply him anymore..
as i donnoe how should i said so..
and i donnoe wat should i do too..