hope tat end wit disappointment..

great catch up

2011-09-23T01:18:00.003+08:00

its been 2 months since the last catch up with both of them..
who i mean??
no one other then Mr Teng and Mr Stanley..
suddenly come out of my brain aft the training today..
since there's not activities and cant arrange any tonite..
i send a msg to tek seng to invite for a dinner..
of cz nvr forget mr stanley whenever we out for dinner..
we seem nvr bored of amk's food..
i manage to stop by home and release my burden of heavy bag with papers inside..
however mr teng make me wait for him as he got a late meeting..
while wait for their arrive..i suggested to catch a movie..
since the previous JOHNNY ENGLISH doesnt reli satisfied me..
n tek seng asked to but this movie called "FRIGHT NIGHT"
from the poster it seem lik some fighting movie..
eventually we went to the same place and had our dinner together..
n tek seng start to be sentimental of able to gather having a hapi dinner..
as usual, mr stanley went n settle the bill..
during the dinner, i could feel some of family and protection from this cute handsome gor gor tat i newly got even we hv known each sometime.
aft the dinner, we went to catch the show..
the show was about a Dracula man trying to hunt this guy Charles as he knew his secret..
Charles with his mother and gf, Amy were escaping n the end they survive lik normal movie..
the story line isnt tat important..
as i rmb this is the 1st time i had horror movie wt tek seng n Stanley..
the important is the moment of watching it wt them..
its so funny wats tek seng and Stanley respond during the show..
life is sad most of the time..but once awhile catching up wt this warm n great frens are jz cant measure to precious more the that.

waiting for the nxt meet in the mid of oct 21st dinner wit tek seng's parent and Stanley at 333 ^^

doesnt derserve the honour..

2011-08-20T04:17:00.003+08:00

its his bday today..20th August..
everything was ok..nth happened..
im in peace..
until she came and told me justin is inviting to hv a drink at the bar later aft work..
i told her im not going as i rlei hv an appointment earlier..
i din noe will come to mandarin..
aft all is his off day..
i refuse to join the celebration.
however i took a cake from the cake shop for him..
even thru isnt my hand made..
but its something lil thing i could do..
i wish i could walk to him, gv him a hug and wish him "hapi bday"
but all this seem so hard..

the past tense of us

2011-08-19T02:48:00.003+08:00

its been 4 months ago
and recently i got the feel again.
sad to say i dont think he hv changed his mind
instead i could sense he falling to another person..
mayb he could find more comfort frm her..
i should b hapi and bless him..
i wish i could but the person i suspect he fall to, its a person i couldnt accept..
which this person is so close to me..
everything is not confirm..
its all by my observe and 6th sense again

today i was cutting lemon again..
he was thr, he came over, doing his preparation..
recall back the past of us..
veli long time ago, we use to tease each other everyday..
especially we were alone at kitchen and office..
but this do seem to happen again..
suddenly tis feeling of teasing each lik each come out of my brain
pretty miss that moment..
as it wont happen anymore again
we were quiet silent..
its weird, i wonder wat to start out conversation..
he spoke something!!
he ask why this month 18th oledi, i din chase aft him for menu..
1, i almost forgotten..
2, i don feel lik looking him for tat anymore..
3, if he did, sure will send to t3..

he gv reasons or excuses again..
saying he is do bz with his work
then fri he off and sat his bday..
so asking me whether could postpone tilll nxt week,,,,,,
ermm, could i say NO??
i wont to him..
i feel myself going back to the previous us..
but in the midddle of everything happening, i stopped..
i stopped all the mind of gong back to previous
its the best i believe..
as i noe myself well..
its will jz create another incident of me hurting myself again..
so i stay away from him..

i had a dream

2011-06-04T02:14:00.002+08:00

i dreamt him..the 2nd time he appear in my dream..
the 1st time, he was at a corner tat i spot him..
nvr said anything, jz a moment among all the crowd..
this time mostly is me n him onli..
the dream start with me n some fren hving a drink session
he came to joined, n i wasnt aware of his invite thr..
i was very angry n took a taxi went home..
the nxt day, he chase aft me n force to listen to him.
the end he try to prove to me how serious he is..
of cz i cant fight n lose to his hands..
but both of us were got punish as he spoilt many things while to prove to me..
however we are hapily being questions and wait for the punish..

i wake up frm slp.. i could clesrly rmb everything happened in the dream
then i wish wont saw him at work..
but veli fortune, he is the 1st person..
n i keep on seeing him whole day..
try to avoid n listen heard or watever regards him..
he tried to talk to me when he went home..
i cant believe, n i donnoe how to react..
so stupid lo..
of cz i try to avoid..

tats how it is

2011-06-02T22:32:00.004+08:00

i haven't

2011-06-02T20:32:00.002+08:00

its been more then 1 month almost near to 2 months..
things been running in my brain everyday n guessing the meaning behind it..
i tot i could get over it easily then previous same incident..
din noe it will end up lik now..
aft the 'SAM' incident, i had one angry depress week..
til i cut my hair short which help me a lil..
then took a week to think how i wan the thing goes..
it was uncomfortable between the time i had b4 i went back msia for a week
i took alot of encourage to send him msg
asking him to react normal in front of me and wish to return back b4 the incident happened
he did not reply me..
i start feel ignore when i got to noe everything about him thru bout ppl
why have to b lik this??
when i heard it, shall i feel great or irritate??
day by day passed, i found i start to hate listening bout any news regards u..
i don find it interesting anymore
as the story thr does not include me
im pretty confuse the way he respond when i was away
i heard everything bout mentioning my name out of sudden..
if our relation cant start then i hope he could stop gving this kind of joke around
tats reli not funny, it make me feel worst..
'TEK SENG' took almost 4 years to reli let everything go n back to normal..
aft all the hope n care he gvn to me..
n tell myself, 'SAM' will onli take ever less as he nvr gv any hope n care of me
btw i hv knew im not the piece of cake he prefer.
i reli wish i could forget or get over it as soon as i could
n live normally, but it does not allow me
thr's alwis some1 remind me of him n the 'SAM' incident..
to those who reli wish i could live better then now,
they should stop mention his name or recall back all the memories i had with him..
i don ever wan to hear his name any more..

the day aft incident..

2011-04-12T00:38:00.003+08:00

i wake up a few times today..
almost every 2 hours i woke up
cant reli slp
its reli rlei bother me..
i woke up early going out wit cheng to douby ghaut then she return to work
i cont going to bras basah
reached hotel reli early before 2pm
i saw him, i proposely wlaked slowly.. make sure he enter the lift 1st
but=.= he stop n ans the call..
the most we talk today is onli 2 times
n not muc
chef kim worried n came over to talk with me
he try to comfort me
but i don reli understand but i knew he meant good..
trying to act like nth.

will not forget

2011-04-11T06:14:00.002+08:00

it was normal day til i cant control myself..
i told him.. i believe he knew it earlier..
4 years ago, i told it to tek seng,
4 years later i mention it to another guy..
n the same result out..
i knew it, no matter how hard i hv tried..
im still the same..
ppl will oli apprieciete the way i work
but not my personal..
its alwis happen, the person u fall in love will nvr respond back the same.
n i will cont to act stronger in front every1..
but no1 know how tired i am..
being strong alone..
i chase him away aft i know he ans frm him..
im so evil..
i know i should keep it silent..
at least, the condition will not as bad as now..
i know the ans frm my 6th sense..
but lik alwis, i wan to listen frm my own ears..
making my heart break totally.
im reli sorry for the misbehave..
its reli a shame of wat i did..
i shouldnt go at 1st..
i betray the trust my family on me..
not being take care of myself..
im sorry..
im reli sorry of it..
if time could return back, i wish i will nvr know him..
n tis will not happened..
being a normal person is not tat easy..
getting married, having a loving husband n a pair of children..
it sound so simple,, but it isnt
mayb im lik wat my sis alwis said..
a dreamer.. day dreaming..
i do believe,, if we keep on trusting on something..miracle
it will happened one day
god will see it..how kind a heart could b

i hv not idea how long it takes for me to recover....
wat will happend to me aft this incident..
i jz hope ppl will treat lik nth happen,
i could treat lik nth..
im reli reli sorry,
i should good enuff controling myself
not spoilt any1 mood tonite..
not making any1 worry about..
i shouldnt..
im reli sorry, regret

i will make an effort to move on
n leave this place..
i dont want him leave,
i reli donwan..
i donwan to influnce or force him..
jesslyne is a strong ppl aft tek seng in cident
will b stronger aft this as well
i will
i mean it
i don need any1 in my life
i could do it myself..
i could arrange my own life,
i could depend on myself..
i could take care of myself n my family
i will do it all by myself,,,

sean jz agree wit my status in fb,
"sometime no matter how hard hv tried, when doesnt belong, it will not belong.."
i use to said, as long as i hv tried my best..
or as long as i choose myself the road i want walked
i will not regret of it
but who know i alwis regret the step i take..
i wish im smart enuff to make desicion
not a stupid idiot woman here
i don hv to depend any1'
i could learn independance
im stronger
im more realistic
more mature
im jz not great enuff

seriously, i wish i hv some1 beside now
that i could hug n cry non stop
no words no comfort..
jz let me go
sometime its reli torture to b alone
the loneliness could not b descride

i should stop now, or i will nvr stop..
hope i could handle it again..
thx for gving me this road,,

feel like writing

2011-04-07T21:59:00.002+08:00

seriously i donnoe wat topic i wana write this time..
just wana to write something suddenly..
mayb something in the heart wana to voice but nowhere to..
recently i told myself not to think of them..
jz concentrate on myself b4 i could manage others..
heard of so muc from others mouth but not from him..
but today, today he come over tell me bout it..
i dare not to look at him..
i keep on thinking..
its this the correct person, correct ans..

reaction of mixture feeling

2011-03-19T22:12:00.003+08:00

its been few days im back from my leave..
its weird how it feel..
i heard alot,think alot,n listen alot..
i din talk muc, as i donwan to speak any..
tat kind of feel donwan to talk n jz wana to listen is back..
am i tired of talking?? or i jz wan to listen frm every1??
it seem lik every1 is bz wit their own life??
ppl seem to forget the not obvious person in this world
the worst, ppl seem ignore..
really veli unhapi wit this kind of feeling..
keep on telling myself not to think so muc.
even today we sit in the same office jz side by side..
i donnoe how should i start the conversation..
1st time we been keep silent when alone..
the more we talk the more i feel uncomfortable..link to nowhere that i should..
understand something in the world could not b force..
but to jz gv up, isnt lik me..
this time, its lik 2nd tek seng inccident happen again..
the diff is diff place, diff character..
should same ending as well..
recently i think of alot pharses out..
but din write it out..
eventually, no1 will care wats it is, how it is, ...

2nd day back ipoh-11th march 2011

2011-03-12T02:08:00.003+08:00

since ytd i slpt late, today i oso wake up late..hehe
i would said today its a rainning day..
noon it was rainning..at night as well..
wat have i did today??
i went out to tesco to buy something..
like hangers to my clothes, mirror for me to make up..
some make up accessories that i need.
then went home to drop all the food n items we bought..
aft a while, me n mum went out to ah ming sifu's place..
ermm, actually during cny i planned to ask him something..
it may sound funny tat i would trust wat he said..
but i do, mayb it do comfort myself wherever im lost..
this time, he said im ok thru out the year..
jz ndto take care of my meal..less spicy sour and cold food..
career, sure will hv promotion n increase of salary..
i did ask whether its a suitable year for me to study..
i could study til im 28years old..
tats wat he mention..
i do hv alot "siao ren", i do believe so..
ask about staying wt another rabbit hows tat..
he gvn me some advices..i reli hope nth muc happened..
of cz in front mum i din ask bout my love life..
however mum asked for me..
he mention i will get marry when i reached 28 years old..
when im 33years old i will blame my partner for disablity in life..
which i bellieve i will, as im quite demanding..
thru the years i will hv short term love..
he donwan to said muc on it..
as he scare i will refer it to wat i hv..
aft i back home, i keep on thinking whether i should confront it..
no matter its my life partner or not..
as long as i did it b4..
and as alwis i said, dont regret with wat have done..
he oso mention this year im reli emo n confuse with wat i wan..
seem quite true, i reli donnoe how should i walk the road now..
anyway aft dinner at home, i start do facial for elder sis..
then my turn..
of cz i know tomolo i will not have muc time..so i start to do my nail polish le..
suddenly feel abit bored..
reli wan to find some1 to talk with..
but donnoe who i wana chat with..
sometime, i think..
its tat difficult to get some1 accompany along the road of life??
its tat true wat i heard that im too naive??
believe in fairy tale??
believe in true love?
n i alwis ask when is my turn to find this mr right?

1st day back ipoh-10th march 2011

2011-03-11T03:43:00.003+08:00

this morning just reach ipoh..
did nth much then had a breakfast then went home take a nap n cont my lunch outside n sleep again later on..
at night went out with siew lon, as both of us too silly nth to do..
so we went out yum cha..
reached home plan to cont finish my drama..
have no idea with my itchy hands n fingers..
oledi in my mind not to post any update in facebook..
but keep on n on updating myself..
haiz..
the end still post some status hints how miss i am to him..
nvr la..the worst things i did was i view chee hong profile again..
=.=" donnoe why the hand will type his name on the search column..
donnoe reli wat make me view his profile the second time..
i noe everytime i view it, i sure feel uncomfortable n sad..
n i will start think alot of nonsense..
this reli cross my mind..
if tat time i manage to get into UUM..
we manage to meet up again thr..
how would everything be??
will he scare n come over to confront me??
how will he react when see me??
will he spread rumors?
if one day he saw me, wat his respond??
will he still rmb me??
its pretty sad with all this wonders in mind..
its reli silly still thinking of him "chin yan'
but i cant stop it..
like the rest of them, i cant stop recalled back all the past we spent..
the worst i still wonder if we din end wat will tat b??
ah mun ah mun, wake up la!!!!!

happening feb

2011-03-06T02:01:00.004+08:00

seem lik the whole feb is so happening..
early month cny..
go back met so many frenz..
n between of cz did happened something..
i was in relationship wt a fren few days..
but it din go well in certain reason..
so we decide to end this relation aft i back to sg..
i met jay, ian, and some other fren lik khye chuan, siew lon, wengkit..
then when i back every1 was so hapi to know im in relation..
but then they din noe it was a few days ago onli
im ok de..i din cry, i din angry, i din throw temper..
veli ok..
yea, actually during the cny in ipoh, i met a fren ian..
we actually plan to spend a day together..
however he misarranged his timetable..
so i follow his plan to visit a fren at gopeng..
of cz with others frenz of him lo..
one of his fren look alike chee hong..
reli alike de..but i believe he is better then chee hong de..
so we did spend a day together, which din manage to visit the fren at gopeng as the traffic jam..reli crazy crowded oo..
so we went to his home at tasek..1st time i went his house..
then get a dinner..during dinner another fren frm ipoh came n joined us for dinner..
i couldnt recall where i met him b4..so do him..
haha..i believe 1 day sure i will noe where i met him b4 de..
then i met jay, he seem lik cant believe he went out wt a gal n go dinner at foodcourt...hahah..
but the end a lil bit scary as he hints abit to me >.<
anyway jz treat him as good fren tat could talk about anything..
khye chuan, nth special then last time..he still trying to impress n get to noe me welll..
a good fren..sometime feel guilty to him
back to sg le aft the long holiday..
now i start to bz wt a few things..
ready to pack n move to another room with vic..
looking for another new job..went for an interview..
talked to many ppl..
start to realise i could reli let him go..
who i mean?? of cz my monitor la..
hahaha..at last i sucessfully let him go but sure will put him at important place..
still take care him but the feel has gone..
^^
and march will b another bz month to write down all happening..

love movie

2011-01-15T01:35:00.003+08:00

i got myself a movie aft waiting so long...
the prob was, i din manage to force myself to watch this movie
and i jz wan to watch alone..
luckily, this movie is still on show in cinema..
aft went out wt bert n G today.
i reached home early as they cxl movie today aft dinner..
i make myself to go for it..
and i enjoy it..
the story was bout 2 person meet n wanted to hv physically but not emotionally connection..
as both hv their own reasons..
however, the end they found, they had fall in love which each..
trying to solve the previous reasons to get back together..
n wats the most important for me not the story line or wat..
but the end, it teach me..
wats mean to b, it will..not matter how hard, how may time hv try..
it will come to us, when the time come..
and guess wat??
sometime even the best definition couldn't b understand then we experience our self.
jz go ahead, knock the doors, fall down, jump the rivers, n thr's the candle to light up the life..
i hv no idea, but jz feel wanted to express myself n everything is jz running around my brain to buzz out..
hope that one day, i will grad some1..
sorry rephrase, some1 grad me and said, u r mine..
n surprisingly, i'm willing..hahaha

maribhet

2011-01-11T02:33:00.002+08:00

maribhet is a philippe gal which same age as me..
she is my 1st trainee buddy attached together
it was lik ytd the 1st day i was sitting down together telling her everything about the restaurant.
it is so fresh i still remember the way i alwis throw everywhere without reli taking care of her
n she did it veli well..kind of sad to hv me as her buddy..
and now she is leaving n go back to her country..
she was crying on her last day..
sort of unbear the feeling she will be leaving
reli will miss her alot
i ask for forgiveness frm her one of the day we hang out to celebrate her gradute
she did not angry wat i did, instead she being kind saying i did it veli well
i train her well and stronger..i couldnt express how i feel..
but i would say im so lucky to hv her..
out of all the hostess i hv train, she would b the best i had n i reli din guide her alot..
im reli proud having her..
as i train another new trainee as hostess today..
recalled me myself how hard i hv push bhet..
im so pampering the one i had..

jz last one,
i love you bhet!!1
will miss u alot

alone

2010-11-22T22:26:00.002+08:00

do u feel alone???
when will u descride u are alone??
its this consier alone??
alone wake up early in the morning..
alone sitting in the train/bus..
alone slowing walk to company..
alone sitting down hving breakfast..
alone working with false facess..
alone considerate others..
alone too care of it..
alone bear wit work..
alone waiting time to leave work..
alone sitting in the office, trying to finish everything..
alone listening to songs..
alone singing songs in the heart..
alone went for dinner..
alone walk back home silently..
alone sitting in front of comp..
alone in room without anything to do..
alone waiting some to reply her..
alone waiting some1 call to chat..
alone trying to slp for another alone day..
wat do u think??
trying to entertain every1
trying to b nice to every1
trying to finish everything as can
trying to b better
trying to keep contact but doesnt allow
trying to chance but couldnt
trying to find the list to call but din manage
trying to help but tiring
trying to entertain own but too quiet
trying to hv fun but no around
trying n trying n tryng
trying to lie own but din manage to lie the heart

how kind i could b?

2010-11-02T21:53:00.002+08:00

today i dont feel tired..
but i feel something else
i felt im kind n alrite with everything
which its good for every1
but does tat good to me??
mayb will build up my PR n relation with every1
however i kind of dislike how i am now
im mean..im straightforward..im impatient
but i hv to b opposite
lazy to talk wt every1 as even i tell i don think they will und
i went for an interview one day..
n this person is so comfortable n wont hv any stress talking to him..
i was plan to change another post as to make myself stay till the bonus out
but now i hv another mind set
i reli donwan to stay thr anymore
reli hv to do a count down..
i hearrd ryan wanted to leave..
but susprising, mani as well..
hermm..for me there will b another 3 months to run this place
n i believe i will b away frm thr
sorry should repharse as i will leave this place
reli sad about this place
sad with the ppl, sad with being treat..
how ppl nvr learn frm mistake..
management with plenty cover faces..
not being sincere..
tats sometime reli make me don und them..

nth special then jz normal me..

2010-09-26T09:53:00.002+08:00

i hv no idea wat had happened but..
suddenly i felt tat i hv changed..
its not same as the past who i am..
i wasnt reli smart as i am..
i wasnt reli pretty as i am..
i wasnt reli aggressive as i am..
i wasnt reli kind as i am..
i wasnt reli ambitious as i am..
i wasnt reli tough as i am..
n suddenly i jz want to hv a normal life..
jz to get some1 tat i love n of cz in return..
which reli reli sincere..
a normal life..
peaceful, not necessary wealthy..
but affortable..
however it seem so difficult..
n im confuse where to go..
wat im doing..

dinner @ T3 on 10th Sept 2010

2010-09-11T23:04:00.002+08:00

i din hv enuff slp for tat day..
plus went to work so early..
suddenly tek seng tell me around 3plus,tat her sis wana to come for dinner on the day..=.=
i wish i don hv to join but if not then they cant get any discount..
then i cont work with my paperwork n wait him til 7pm..
it was a pleasant evening
then i met some of his sis's frenz
we were enjoying the dinner..
they enjoy the lobsters n environment alot as well..
i was enjoying the dinner moment with him..
i confront tek seng telling about chee hong's issue
i told him who is chee hong..
he is the 1st guy noe about chee hong among my fren.
eventually he knew it was me
as i was angry wheni mention chee hong..
now i noe mayb tat time, i was the third party..
hahah got cheated
back to the dinner.
most of the chefs tot tek seng is my bf..
how on earth i wish it is..
but i fon think this will ever happen..
nvr the less, i don wish it any more somehow..
kind of too late ba..
mayb i too sensitive bt i sense of tek seng start to care of me..
which muc diff from last time
he ask me to send chee hong's pic to him..
i ask him why, he say he curious..
but i don think tat simple ans it is..
he keep remind to send chee hong's pic..
after i sent, we din talk muc on chee hong..
plusi nd to wake up early the nxt day..

Lim Chee Hong

2010-09-08T11:30:00.002+08:00

today, suddenly i tot of him..
so in facebook i search him..
i found him..
n i saw something
alot of things i saw
i odn think i should cont view all tat..
but heart n fingers cant control keep pressing the key next next
viewing all the pics..
reading his comment
he graduated..
late oct its he's convo
she is from penang as well
same uni
look good
wat else should i said
i believe he forgotten me
as i believe in wat n why he did so in the past
tats may b the truth
its cruel for me to noe why
tats a word from him, i will jz take it
previously i went penang for my holiday
i've veli long din go penang de
i stayed penang for half years then move out
it seem penang doesnt gv me alot of good experince..
this time in penang nth muc happened then a visit
but for me it recall him n..
all the while i wonder how his place are
i wana noe him more..
but this doesnt help me to forget n release this person
he may not worth it but he is still thr
the feeling when i look at the picz,
i noe he hv great wonderful uni life
n most probably he hv forgotten me
which tats pretty sad..
the story about wasnt muc then a column in life
but tat column gv a lot of memories n sadness

who care???

2010-09-08T01:36:00.003+08:00

hv any1 try to understand how i feel..
wat i hv gone thru....
wat i hv been done..
i jz cant explain how bad i feel now..
its seem lik no1 could understand how tired n wat i see now..
i hv a family that no1 will take care after my parent arent thr..
who should i blame?
i hv a sister nd my care after my parent gone..
who should i blame?
i hv my dream to cont study but i cant afford.
who should i blame??
i hv my dream of future n career, but where else could i go??
who should i blame??
i hv so muc so stress
who cant i rely on??
so many ppl telling me the stories
but to who i tell my stories??
so many ppl around me
but to who i shall trust??
so many frenz i knew
but who will lend a hand when i nded??
after all been thru
who will care how i feel??
after been deeling all unreasonable gst
could i still be patient??
after all the trouble ppl make to settle
but who will settle mine??
all the suggestion n proposal i given?
will they care?
after so long i stand thr
how long could i stand thr anymore?
after living in this life for more then 22years
how long could i take this kind of life again??
after all the stress n indirect killing..
will i hv cancer??
will i die with cancer??
after i hv been so sturbord holding the one..
will i get it even i knew i cant..
after 4years of waiting..
will it come truth??
whenever thats a prob, the person to find is me..
why me?
cz im ur daughter?
cz im ur captain?
cz im ur sister?
cz im ur frenz?
cz im stupid or wat!!!
with all the negative running in my blood n mind.
shall i still nd to cont pretend nth happened, to make sure no1 worry??
but who care of me??
every1 blame n complaint the same issue..
but how come i cant??
every1 got 24hours..
why i alwis running out of time??
i hv so many questions
but who could ans all of them..
as alwis, im alwis alone when i nd something..
as alwis, i nd to silent n patient when i was throw by thousand of issues
as alwis i nd to be more considerate then the others
as alwis i nd to let go something to fulfill others
as alwis i nd to think more mature then the others
as alwis i nd to scarisfice for other comfort.
as alwis as alwis n its seem lik a mz on me..
why cant its a route??

singaporean mindset

2010-07-27T02:25:00.002+08:00

im not sure wat make me hapi now..
i kind of fake in everything i smile n laugh at now
i start to complaint everything n every1
i hate being lik tat..
i cant believe some1 telling that she cant b hostess, she will die if she stand thr..
however she is still breathing til now..
n the onli things motivate her to stand thr is bcz she wana to wear the cheongsam..
=.="
wat a stupid mind she hv..
this woman reli make me feel so embaresss as she is elder then me but keep telling me she cant this n that..
its bcz she is the youngest in family make her spoilt..
should thanks her parent??
carrying a tray oso tell me cant.. i will teach..
teach le oso donwan to listen, nvr take in to the heart..
she make me shame as she is a gal..
then the other one, he tellme he cant b cashier..
=.=" telling me he cant as he don hv the mood..
i don care u got mood or not..
given a task then do it..
if he wan, b the COD then take in charge of manning..
i don mind b the cashier..
the most unreasonable reason was telling me today i don hv mood to b tomolo cashier..
today no mood mean tomolo oso no mood?
who will care u got mood anot..
somemore push to other ppl to do..
y mz this sad man alwis b the cashier??
i reli angry le..
i was told im not lik the msian mindset as to b lazy..
im sad if one day im lik tat..
i was force not to b lazy..
i cant bear to stop hardworking a min..
there's so many things waiting for me..
compare to many ppl in my age.
i was told more mature mindset then other..
i believe the teenager life i hv been make me to b mature..
i hv to be lik this..
don u think is very tiring??
yes, its very tired to be the one alwis think maturily,work hard,keep on force to move further..
its thr anyone to talk to when needed??

22nd July 2010

2010-07-23T01:25:00.002+08:00

i afraid one day im the one crazy instead of u..
today is my off..din plan muc for today..
suddenly felt lik going to LiLy's place but she wasnt thr..
then met bang bang in city hall then go to absinthe..
philippe wasnt in as thr's outside catering during lunch.
michael come back later n gv me a call..
while wait for them, we go to chinatown..
as usual, i went to my favorite dim sum..
we bought some clothes as well..
then return thr, chat wt michael n kelly awhile..
they told me after nxt year world gummit will resign.
feel so sad of it..
then i received call from him telling me that the result out..
everything its fine!! could hear that he's veli hapi with it..
me cheng bang n pat went to chinatown took our dinner..
i will rmb n one day wil bring him thr try it as well..reli tasty the food^^
he was hving a late dinner at chatterbox with his manager..
so might go home together, however he ask me go buy ticket to hv movie tonite.
but i was so angry n tired..
cz out for whole day, but he din und.
so i took a cab back to amk hub..
silly de me, reli go n check at hub the movie timing..
told him that the cinema closed..
he abit dissapointed, as he forgotten im off today n couldnt catch a movie..
hemm, i was abit sad, but after listen to him, i felt abit better..
wat happened to me..
jesslyne ar!!!!
reach home, i was reli tired, took a bath n staright to on9.
suddenly he called me, told me he reach home..
bla bla bla, wat happened during the dinner..
hows the manager behaving..
the conversation problem with the manager..
he told me alot..
i realise he will call me recently
last time he wont
then he will tell me alot of things..
he start to show the real him..
bla bla bla..
he even sound abit hapi when he noe we off on sun next week
he ask to meet for breakfast tomolo..
usually he will ask me to accommodate him..
but after he think twice, he will wakl to hub n hv breakfast wt me..
hemm..
he start to confue me again..
bring me up n down =.="

20 July 2010

2010-07-21T03:07:00.002+08:00

had a veli late slp ytd due to keep watching drama..
this morning wake up veli tired..
should say this few days oso feel lazy n tired to wake up..
received ur call reli susprised me..
sort of adding some sweetness in the morning..
jz 2 days, i start wondering how r u?
went to work lik ytd with empty stomach..haha
tot today will b better, however still the same..
however this time a bit muc more better then previous.
rosley was in course training 5 taiwanese trainees.
however will stay til dinner..
he went home ealier,
siti not feeling well, some doc gave her 2 days mc..
today i proud, hostess coffee and crust captain incharge, cashier..
=.="
we are pack with 195cover with onli 4full timer,2trainees, 7tcc, but 1tcc go back at 7pm then 1 tcc go back at 1030pm..
donnoe how should it b descride...
i stay till 1pm plus to settle all the bills..
luckily the bills all ok..
rosley pula balik around 930pm..
not onli me,but lilian,bhet,anderson n nico oso stay to help setting up the restaurant..

18th july2010

2010-07-19T00:46:00.002+08:00

today i wake up veli late..im veli tired..
reach home around 5am after drinking with lavina and siti.
however i still feel lik meeting him today.
we met up today around 330pm at hub.
he is starting work tomolo
he told me domething when we went to kbox.
im not sure whether i should hapi of it of not..
he told me something, a secret..
the moment i heard it, inside my heart was abit shocked but i still smile n comfort him..
after awhile, something running in my brain.
thats normal, but tats something in heart feel uncomfortable,confuse..
abit down but i hv to motivate him tat,its the past..it would b alrite..
got our dinner, manage to catch a movie together again..
actually i reli tired.. but if i don accompany him now.
i scared i cant in the future.
lik 4years ago,i still will b thr when he nd me..
deep in my heart i reli don wish that will happen.
n believe it wont happen to him.i shouldnt think so muc..
b positive n bless with sincere heart..

16th july 2010

2010-07-17T02:53:00.002+08:00

i tot today i will hv a usual day as normal..
a day i go to work with a tired body..
then work til frusarated.
then went home with tired tired body..
however today i wake up with a hapi mood..
i think of him suddenly..
so i started to dress up abit today..haha
however at work was lik usual..
anyway, at the end of the day, i received a msg..
this make my day back..^^
he ask me out for a movie..
however i make him waited me 30min.
when i reached thr, i could feel that he is angry..
but after that he's back to normal le..
feel so sweet..
i wear a dress n din bring any jacket ..
he offer me his white jacket..^^
so sweet le..
we will go n catch the mvie again.."the craziest"
^^ even its onli 2hours plus, but this reli gv me a great evening..

25th May 2010

2010-05-26T02:26:00.003+08:00

jesslyne is crazy , im crazy..
everyday i am crazy..
i donnoe why..its jz not me..
im trying to make myself hapi and others as well..
hemm..reli tired to go work..
my brain my heart doesnt wan to go work..
but my physical force me thr..
today was so bz during dinner
tats a group coming in a short while..lik a bomb come in the sudden..
but after tat every1 come n help..haha..
anyway..its jz a short one..
they come at 730pm then by 9pm they are gone
suddenly when i check my phn..
i saw a msg from him..
argh!!! so miss him..n in the bz time i got his msg..
haha..the way he write the msg make me soft hearter and touch..
mayb die already as well.lol jk la..
he tell me in the msg tat we are meeting soon..
keep on mention this..
he reli noe i wish to see him soon??
hemm...

22nd May 2010

2010-05-22T03:28:00.002+08:00

the May, alot have happened..
i got promoted early of MAy as captain form hostess..
from hostess i am been pull to do service..
the last 3days b4 i go hong kong i the 1st timebecome COD.
the 1st day is me myself as COD..
the last night i still nd towork til 1plus b4 i go home and rush for my flight to hong kong..
tek seng been here..
i went hong kong with bert and grace and geo and gary..
we go for 9 days..
in 9days we eat n eat n eat..play walk n walk..
walk alot n eat alot as well..
but fun however onli get to slp around 5 hours per day..
during the vacation, i was imagining if tek seng went with me then how it will be..
wish he was thr during the vacation..
reach sg back was lik a dream that doesnt wish it come truth..
from the 2nd day i back til today..only tonite i din see him..
every nite i saw him b4 i slp..
i was yum cha wt him n talk alot at crab place..
then attend the farewell party..
then ask yum cha at the same place..
then he dicided the go home le..
it may takes a month or more then onli miht meet each again..
when he left, he sent a sms..
sure im going tommis him

tats all,,

2010-04-10T23:33:00.002+08:00

i reli veli tired..tired with everything..
especially the ppl i work with..
im not sure whether my desicion is correct but at this moment..
i reli don wan to see the face of all the irritating ppl..
i have been thinking veli long time..
but this time i reli have make a move on it..
i have jz finished type my resignation letter..
leaving mandarin doesnt make me wonder 2nd tot other then Rosley and cheryl.
i onli will feel soli to both of them.
cheryl have done so muc for me..
get me promoted jz with my working experince in mandarin for 5months.
rosley is so confident and appreciate the things i have done..
however only both of them know how hard i have done wasnt strong enuff for me to stay..
compare to their stress, mine of cz will not as heavy as their..
however i reli couldnt take it any more..
or mayb should i say..
i doesnt do my job well..
i couldnt hand my task on time or unsuccessfully do it..
but i rlei regret i learn alot from this place..
i learn to b more independance..
no1 you can reli count on..
no1 you can reli trust on..
ppl will not appreciate the things have done..
anyway, i think i reli need a break..
reli tired with the life i have now..
nth reli different then wat i had when i was with absinthe..

nth much i need now

2010-04-09T01:57:00.002+08:00

today im off..
going out with cheng and bang almost whole day..
we went to buy something then back mandarin to pass over the stationary i bought..
oso got a full full brunch having buffet japanese food at sakae sushi..
then kar leong came n join us..
we had a veli full full brunch ba..
then cheng wan to buy a coat for her work de..
then the near by shop don hv..
so i suggest at suntec city
so accompany go find the coat then pat came to join..
after that, we accompany pat eat eat lo..
then since is near by oscars..
i went over but all the ppl i noe were not thr anymore..
i jz saw frankie, my loong tai hub..
miss him alot..chat awhile..
then i went home..donnoe y feel lik sms tek seng..
then we decide to meet at the market near by..
jz both of us..^^
during the talk..we talk alot of things..
about hows his work hunting is..
hows his relation between his sister..
how silly his sister..
how kar chuan is..
he got chicken pop now..
he consider whether i had it b4 la..
alot alot..
meet him at 11pm then around 130am..
we go back le..
seriously i reli envy his relation with his sis..
i will nvr had that kind of relation with him..
but from wat he tell me
how his sis done everything to him..
i reli couldnt compare myself with her..
however, i feel glad..
donnoe y.
he said go home then take shower oo..
i rlei do so..
haha..he still the one influence me alot..
but i think i am hapi wat i hv wt him..
simple fren..nth muc then that..
seriously if u wan me to b frank..
i reli donnoe wat my feel to him..
i reli still love him or??
i reli couldnt ans now..
i jz feel good in this way..
but when he tell me his sis will come later..
i rlei don feel good..
however i noe his sis status in his heart i reli cant replace..
i shall jz hapi wit wat i hv now

he is back

2010-04-01T02:48:00.002+08:00

today i off i wait at home whole day..
he sms me when he almost reach.
when out fetch him..
but we stay at thr awhile to take dinner.
at 1st plan to take some pineapple fried rice..
but donnoe wat shop we enter..then jz order some ala carte..
we talk abit the past n present..
then we went home..
he stay veli near my place..
but he will move soon as the work place veli far..
anyway, i went home..
as he said will come n look for us later on..
i watch my drama takemy time..
he came..
sit awhile n chat abit..
then he suggest to go sing k..
then reach k box..
need to wait til 10 to get a room..
so we went down to take a drink break..
his sis came with her bf..
chit chat awhile..
seem lik normal as usual..
still couldnt get sometime wat he mean..
however tat might not be important to me..
wats important is how i feel..
he told me this time isnt his vacation..
he come for interview..
i wish he got success.. i believe he could..
the whoel nite we sang k..
but the feeling abit weird..
i donnoe how to said..
plus abit lik how i hate kok leong..but not tat deep..
abit confusing..
wat will happen in the future le?

scorpio vs aquarius

2010-03-08T01:19:00.002+08:00

scorpio has been known all this while as a mystery horoscope.
hard to predict wat their mind running up to..
as well descride as a protective horoscope..
they will protect wat they feel important with they sting..
mean with their strongest strength..
outlook may as like ice but was descride b4 that when come close it turn to fire..
they hate being betray..
they are so loyal that may in their life only have a person the love most n willing to wait for long duration..
aquarius as a creative horoscope..
hard to control like a wide sea..
they have their own mind and idea of world..

recently i watched a horoscope drama..
i do noe this from begining that horoscope only could help us noe muc more better of urself..
they could help us to descride how the future or wats our future will be..
all is in our hand, depend on how we make the choice..
as i read the book in the past..
it does said scorpio n aquarius isnt the best match..
but whether its truth or not, it still on how we handle it..
this brought me back to old days..
refresh back when scorpio met aquarius..
memories of both..however it seem left not muc anymore..
even been some times..
but this is still in the mind not giving up..
eventrought wat the ans is..
the heart still isnt die with it..
haiz..how's the fate going to make it le??

bert going back msia

2010-03-08T00:51:00.002+08:00

i got the news that bert wana return to msia quite sometimes..
but i din tell any1 even geo, as i think he must having a bad time now..
he mc , take unpaid leave, did alot of things..
din go work since he come back ffrom cny..
even geo work at the same place wt him but oso cant manage to meet him..
that day, i got a confirm sms from bert tha he wan to go back msia..
he tender his resignation letter..
at 1st i wasn't feeling anything but later on..
when i chat wt geo regard bert..
i start to refresh back about him..
he is the 1st person make me cry..
as i felt i got protected by this fren when i need to..
some1 softhearted
he knew i love siew mai..
knew im not dare to take from buffet line..
he will prepare for me..
even sometime he may sound abit rough or unkind..
but he din mean so..
may due to the go as man and big bro..
i couldnt descride the feeling..but i reli hapi that i met him..
after ivan gone, bert is the one taking care of us..
now he is gone as well..
then who will take care me le??
when think of this all, i nearly cry..
compare the time ivan leaving n now bert leaving..
i believe i have more strong feeling this time..
mayb during ivan time, i could prepare something for him when he leave..
but bert, wat could i do..
feel so sorry to him..
im sure will miss hiim so muc..

1st and last night of cny in msia 2010

2010-02-26T02:15:00.003+08:00

still remember the 1st night i reach ipoh..
it was the 3rd day of cny..
dad will go back kl work tat night..
so i got a morning bus back ipoh reaching around 6pm plus..
after had dinner with dad n whole family,
later around 9 plus went to jusco to buy a cake for ah kee..
cz at 1st waiting cheng to fetch me, but she was abit running time..
but then meet up with them at kopitiam near tambun..
however that was the worst experince i ever had in a old town..
i ask a guy in red shirt to keep the cake n present to us when every1 thr..
he told me tat thr's no electric and no space to keep it for me..
then i told the server about it, he mention out loudly in front every1..
we all were suspised the way it is.haiz
then we change table as the one we having were too hot due to the air con spoilt..
the ais honey lemon water was only sour then without any honey taste..
then the end i ask a guy to serve us the cake..
cant imagine tat he gave me the whole box as how i gave it to them..
=='
then ask for lighter, he told me he din smoke..
ask 3 times only get a lighter..haiz
then we decide to change place to sit down chat chat..
then we decided to go cheng's home to drink drink ^^
we talk bout many things..its been long time 4 of us din have the chance to gather..
kee went home 1st then follow by ah bang..
i stay til around 3plus then cheng sent me home..
the last night of cny i in ipoh was quite great as well..
i was hanging at home since i wake up..
but then at afternoon i get to meet a old time fren..
i have been long time din manage to meet him..
thats the guy i noe when i work as a part timer..
SHEE KEIN WEI !!!!
the way we knew each stil fresh in my mind..
he saw siow mun working in food and tea, then got to noe im still in ipoh..
then we out meet for awhile at bercham..
he din change..still the same..
even the car still the same..
the deco, his skill of driving, his look..
everything still same..
reli glad could meet him at last..
at the past we try to meet up but the timing doesnt allow..
after sat down chatting with him..
the feeling still same, so comfortable, the way he talk so funny..
then later on, went home to have dinner at movenpeak steamboat with whole family..
after dinner dad went kl for work again..
we go to grandma's home, to pray for the 9th cny..
even its not as great as last time..but at least i spent sometime with grandma..
the next day, morning i got to take the bus back to sg..
the holiday seem end so fast..
but even i din do muc this time back..
but i appreciate wat i got to do..
lik meeting a old fren..

5th Feb 2010

2010-02-06T00:31:00.003+08:00

is been reli a long time i din write my blog..
is due to my working hour and too tired , of cz another word of it is "lazy"..
reli happened alot of things in this few months..
i have resign from absinthe n joined this new company "MERITUS MANDARIN"
i've been assign as hostess..i was once the onli full timer hostess.
should i proud of it or not?
still remember how long hour i have work on..
staying from morning till nite time jz to finish up everything..
without any guide, any buddy assist me..
i have learn every little thing myself..
knock my head a few things..
i don think i could forget how i work the time i in meritus..
the 1st hotel i have been without a respek, even absinthe the small lil french restaurant they prepare with it..
the longer im there the worst im ..
no more disciple with me..
sometime i felt so tired..
i don understand why i will join this company..
the onli reason i could find, they offer me a better post that time..
and i was unsatrifice how hard i work at absinthe.
i went chinatown on tue nite with cheng..
later on, i went to absinthe to visit them..
kind of miss over there..
miss the way pau pau make fun, act cute..
miss kelly the playful one..
but k.a. isnt there anymore..
alfit, no more there..
deepe not there as well..
irritating joseph still thr..
but my bro kelvin wasnt there anymore..
kind of touch that pau still remember how i work last time compare to other..
he still believe on me even i left him without 2weeks notice..
on wed, i went out with geo..
been long din enjoy so muc going out with fren..
we talk alot of things..
the end mention of future..about saving..
oso make me think of alot of things..
hemmm..
then today, i felt my manger doesnt reli appreciate me..
when i felt that, it doesnt mean good..
i feel so tired will every1..
shikin wasnt helping me..
she is like having herown sweet time..
hings that ask her to be done, she din..
should stop talking that..
i have many ideas i want to share but, it doesnt seem been taken serious..
when i on the way back today..
suddenly this cross by my mind..
asking pau to write me a testimonia..
he agree and wana offer me a job..
as a captain/hostess..
i tot he was joking but he is serious..
however, i told him i am not as experince as the rest captain he got now..
he could get me as junior cap to strong up my bacis then go to captain..
i din reply him anymore..
as i donnoe how should i said so..
and i donnoe wat should i do too..

my bday

2009-11-03T00:56:00.002+08:00

my bday was on sat..
but rosley said i could off on fri n sat as well..
so on fri i went to jz early in the morning..
to do some grocery shop..
then i rush back to sg to meet up elbert n geo..
we were planning to hv a dinner together..
but i was late as i reach home is oledi 3pm..haha
so elbert got to wait to me as geo got apec briefing..
around 5pm onli we left oscars..
then they told me we will go amk to hv dinner..
i went out from my home in rush n they tell is at amk..==
then when we almost reach it was raining..
so we stop a amk hub n wait for bert's gf..
then we took cab to the location which is veli near to my home..
we had alot of seafood..prawns, crabs, ....
which bert couldnt take it..
but he said as i lik prawn he will order n eat the crabs with us..^^
i was so full cz being force to eat..
then bert n his gf went back..
n me n geo walk to mrt..
geo gone home n i went to cineleisure to meet cheng..
we went ot sing k..^^
the 1st time i felt so tired..i din reli have energy to sing..lol
then around 23 plus we went back home..
then nxt day, i went out around 3pm..catch a movie..my favorite ghost horror movie..
then get a dinner at rits caltron, greenhouse..
the buffet is nice but i prefer the service n dessert part of it..
in suddenly when i almost go for dessert..
as usual wat i did to other gst...
i had a cake came out...now i could feel how paiseh the gst is..
the gal offer to sing for me..
but i rejected..
i got alot of msg from fren..
the earliest is bert , then the most on time is geo..
unexpected is kar chuan. then as i waiting for, tek seng..
i got most of the things i lik it..
bert, geo n bert's gf get me a Puma jacket which the latest..
cheng got me some cosmetic..
n her bf n herslef get me another present which is jacket..
then bang bang get me a brecelet..
i got the most unexpected earring which i love the design even is simple..
reli love it..thanks alot ^^

weird

2009-10-24T23:15:00.004+08:00

today im off..
staying at home whole day..
mayb cz too muc time alone..
i start to think alot of things..
kind of weird in this world..
alot of things doesnt happen as wat expected..
i watch a movie by alex fong n stephy which i bought long time ago..
i listen alot of alex's songs n video..
realise tat alot of his motion affect my life..
^^ should i said tats good?
anyway, back to the issues i think of n after watching the movie..
i feel the world reli a weird place..
u wont noe will happen..
wats truth n wats not..
i feel quite down thinking about it..
tot of telling my fren..
but couldnt see him on9..
i felt guilty to him as well..
im not sure whether he still feel the same way a not..
but im firm tat no matter how great we are..
we couldnt make it..
is hard to find a person tat could read ur mind..
who noe wats ur nd on the spot..
without a word from urself..
who spent the time with u when u needed him..
is weird isnt it?
but is it meant to be?
recently i was so bz working, everyday almost work more then 10 hours..
n automatic i forgotten this, n i oso forgotten tat some1 waiting thr..
some1 who take me so important but i alwis left him behind..
its alwis weird tat when u needed a thing, it wasnt thr for u..
but when u get it, u don feel lik hving it anymore..
fan jing..
same as when falling in love..
is hard to get a person tat in the return..
my sis said tat she is loyal, n i laugh on her tat she isnt..
n she will mention the usual name..tek seng..
this name seem familiar, been part of my life..
some1 tat important to me once upon..
but how about now? donnoe le..
when i hang around with my caring frenz..
whenever they mention his name, i try not to react..
make it no matter, but it was hurt..i still would lik to heard some news from him..
even it hurt..even i noe i shouldnt..
i couldnt imagine how my life will end up..
^^ even i wish i could tell my fren wat happened..but i couldnt
the 1st time i din tell hm anything tat i wish to tell..i keep it
i scare will hurt him n i donnoe how to tell him..
im sure he will forgive me..
sort of silly me..but i reli feel tat im stupid..
i wish i could be wat i am whenever im not alone..
i look tough among my frenz, they depend on me sometime, im calm, im smart sometime..
but im not..i hope im not tat forgiving, i hope im not tat kind, i hope im not tat patient..
i hope i wil hate whoever i wan, i can tell watever i wan..
any1 noe wat reli inside thinking of..??
im forgetful but i alwis remember those i should forget..
^^

21st sept 2009_back from trip

2009-09-21T23:34:00.003+08:00

sat back to work, i was located as runner alone with 4 service staff on floor..
no1 come in helping n been sent..might be some revenge..
but still ok , kelvin voluteeer come in help abit..
at the end of the day, i swellon my right ankle..
reli painful, til i went up n down stair donnoe scream or laugh..
reach home reli sleepy..
cz the nxt day i nd to meet up ivan at bugis for something amway meeting..
but when i wake up on sun morning, my leg was damn pain tat i couldnt stand up..
so gv up going by sms ivan regardness it..
i cont my sleep then wake up do some cross stitch..
luckily feel better later on, i went to market to take my lunch n bought some magazine n food..
reach home == cont cross stitch, then took a nap..
che wui called me, he jz finished work..
tot wana meet up, but since im home then cxl..
then i plan to go to catch a movie..
decided either "the ugly truth" or "up"
but "up" wasnt shown in amk hub cinema..
so i watch " the ugly truth"
n i reli enjoy watching tat..
is funny movie, but some statements they mention,keeping on playing in my brain..
went home,on9 n on9 n on9..
lol..i on9 till 630 in the morning fall asleep while chatting wt G..
then sleep sleep wake up, keep on on9..
haha..i din turn off my lappy ei..
then on9 on9 til the time ready to work lo..
go work stil the same, the onli runner wt 4 service staff on floor..
sha n joe went back as thr not bz..
later on, when almost everything finish..
i was sent back at 10pm..
btw kelvin has found a new job le...
2 weeks later he will be leaving absinthe..
tonite, bert reach sg le..
he plan to meet ivan tml at 330pm..

18th sept 2009_genting trip

2009-09-19T00:23:00.003+08:00

went for a trip to genting this time,
took 3 days leave- wed, thur, fri
n tomolo i gotto go back work le
wed, i din work..whole day at home, wait bert n geo finished work..
then go jb together, but b4 tat, we met at amk mrt..
then went to sembawang mrt to met up wt bert's gf at 610pm..
b4 the time come, we went to take a dinner..
after that it was raining outside..
we went to kanji to met up geo's bro as well around 630pm..
then go to jb n reach thr around 9pm ba..
catch a sg movie-"where got ghost"
done we went to take bus num n wait awhile at mamak stall..
the bus was at 11pm..
we took a small van to a place then change to bus..
all the way the bus was so shaking, couldnt reli take a nap..
woke up went reach seremban..
all the way jz looking out of the window..hemm..
reach genting around 5 in the morning..
we left the luggage at the bell desk, went to took early breakfast..
as im hungry le haha..
as normal, bert ahead to CASINO !!
i walk around thr, with some intro by MR G how the game work..
found nth interesting, i went out hang around..
walk here n thr..refresh all those old memories..
tot go catch a sunrise at lover's park..
but seem not successful as wat i saw was jz plain blue blue sky..
then went back find them..
but they still bz wt gamble..=="
so i din disturd them, jz find a place sit down n wait lo..
but accidentally fall asleep..
wake up tat time is oledi 1hour later..
found them, told geo look for me le..
so went out find as well lo..
he find me, i find him..
at last by call, n met at a food stall near marybrown..
then went back meet bert lo..
if i forget some part.
we went to buy ticket,then enter the theme park..
the 1st we layed was the water bump boat ba ( donnoe the actual name )
pretty fun..jz tat the seat was wet =="
then someof us was hungry..
went to nearest kopitiam took the 2nd breakfast..
i ordered a butter kaya toast, sharing wt geo some ham polo bun n a tune toast..
the frost drink was so giant size, couldnt finish alone =="
bert n the rest took the rice lo..
while waiting us finish the food, bert took a short nap.. haha..
n ME !! ka cau kacau a small sitting at another tbl wt her mum..
SO CUTE SIA she haha..
then go for go-kart,the 1st time i try it.pretty fun oo..
should go for it nxt wt mei !! ^^
then after tat bert's gf wana a bull dog..
so try to hook some bottle, throw the balls into the big milk bottle..
for the last chance onli won a small lil toy..but better then nth la..
i was caught to play the space shot wt geo...
all of them not dare to paly, n im the onli one played b4..
sia, i was so scare, cz this time whneim in,i couldnt feel anytj=hing beside me..
feel EMPTY UNSECURE !!!
i was reli reli scare, tears was abit la..=="
memalukan sia..geo was sitting beside try to comfort me..
the end of the game, i was keep on laughing n laughing..
abit crazy after played tat..=="
then we ahead to check in..
we stay at 1st world, 7th floor, room 849..
haha..i try to enter room 846 at 1st =="
then realise was wrong..luckily no1 in tat roomm..
after everything done, gary was sleeping ,couldnt wake him up..
G n me went to buy slipper..i din bring mine..
back to room, he still sleeping ==" n raining le..
try the best wake him up, then go for bowling,
bert was still sleeping, din disturd him le..
the best ever n i finish the game myself..
but the result wasnt good la..
haha, hv a great time, learn abit how to play lo..
so funny !! i do took some video n pic a well ^^..
after tat,we go around indoor 1st world,
couldnt forget the MR GHOST ><"
he terrible scarily lei, where by this guy in ghost make up in black dress..
we were standing at ghost hunting discussing..
he came by, in my heart, ward not to come near by..
but he came by to pass a browser..n i was so afraid..
i ran away..far far away..
then we plan for the dinner le..
survey here n thr..
decide either happy valley the chinese restaurant or go for buffet at terrace cafe..
after went to happy valley, look at the menu, decide some dishes, but they don do reservation..plus hv to choose dishes without seafood n some other dishes tat other don take =="
sound quite complicated n troublesome..so decided to choose the buffet lo..
after tat, we try to look for whole piece cake..
onli could found at baskin robin..
we order a strawberry ice cream cake with some poker cards drawing on top..
haha.then we onli go meet up wt bert..
we force him to take the buffet instead of pizza..
at the end, me n G wit some excuse went out to take the cake..
lol..then bring back blow blow candle lo..
haha..we were reli reli full man..seriously !!
seem lik nvr stop eatting le..
bert wan to go genting casino..
while wait he change the chips..i went to genting palace..
i saw a few of the captain..
cant believe they still remember me..
mayb i din change muc ba..
hv a short chat wt them.. chee seng wasnt thr, on holiday ..
we took outside road to reach 1st world..
walk walk..bert went in the casino again =="
wat to do.. G accompany me lo..since i don gamble de..
we almost finish everything indoor while wait bert..
venice gondola, reindeer cruiser, then rio float..
actually do ride ferris wheel with G n gary as well..
n we saw 2 cute cute boy boy..
one is mr jay chao, n one is mr zhu xiou ting..
we try to capture some of their pic lei..haha
at last they call us le..
we went to catch the car bumper..
they target on bumpering me..=="
we try to play the second round..but by our turn, he told was the last round..
try to play other games as well..but oso end le..
then wat else..i suggest go sing k lo..
we all ahead to Be A Star !!
b4 tat, cross by Safari, i bring along bert's gf in to see see..
wasnt lik last time so crowded..
we sang n sang, at last i knew de..bert try to drunk me so end earlier bring me back..
they can play texas..
as they order a jug of beer..n i got a glass as well..
usually wont allow me drink de..hemm..
nvr scare, i reli drink oo..
then of cz la..
i will be myself again lo haha..
in the middle, bert sent his gf back..
when back, is my turn..=="
donnoe y lei, i was a bit angry le..
walk veli fast n din stop wait them..
reach room, bert ask me to arrange the bed lo..
then they are gone, left me thr alone..
as usual, i start think n think alot..
then come to a point a scare myself, i wasnt dare to stay in the room..
i change n go out..
nowhere could go, i went to downstair, a coffee shop..
sitting wt a cup of hot milo waiting them back..
as they took the key as well..
hemm, but luckily after 15min@4am, i saw G le..
din tell him y i was thr, jz wan go back n sleep..terrible tired la !!
hemm..then around 730am gary back lo..
he told bert he wake us around 10am..
but in the between i got wake up by the door bell rang =="
so irritating..around 10am,G woke up..
din bother him..cont sleep hehe..
then my turn to get ready, then onli wake gary seem he back late..
but i clumsy n careless..
donnoe where put my small phn pocket which got my atm card n money inside..==
G help me find , go back the room find, oso cant get it..
end up he accompany me go cxl the atm card while bert in CASINO again!! ==
then after finish,wait wait bert at casino, wait he finish lo..
but at the end, we decided to eat while wait him..
went to pizza hut n eat eat lo..
wow ~~ reli full full sia..
then we went to take bus num, b4 tat
bert as usual, he paid the bill, our bus fee, n my lost of phn pocket..
bert go to kl, me G n gary go back sg..
we took 3pm bus..on the way every1 was sleeping..
we even skip dinner at yong ping..
we took dinner at jurong then back wt cab..hemm..
the dinner oso veli full, as they come in big portion as welll..
the end of genting trip le..

6th sept 09

2009-09-07T00:10:00.002+08:00

this morning went for a lunch wt shah, pau, victor seow, mic n myself..
it the majestic restaurant..
the food wasnt bad, onli the soup wasnt reli taste as i prefer it is..
but during the lunch, so many alcohol i took..
they bought a champagne, then a red wine then a rose champagne later on..
==" i was so damn lobster as usual..
victor treat us the lunch..
b4 the dessert they complimentry a tasting mooncake where they home make de..
then we left, i went o bugis, pau went to east coast, mic to holland village..
shah n victor went home..
suspose kelly n suraj coming as well..
but last min cant make it..
i went to bugis tot onli buy grandma present..
end up i bought all again..=="
went home to drop the things..
then i went out again to meet kok leong..
he ask for a drink..
cz i got slightly headache so we went for a chinese dessert instead of others..
we got abit of chat..
they after tat we went home..
he did ask me to join him on 26th sept to club..
too far away, din promise..
ask him remind me again..
as i become more forgetful nowadays..
yea.. at bugis i got a demo on nail..last went home tot clean up the nail..
so so difficult to do so =="
but after the lunch i was smsing wt pau till i reach home..
oso will reeve..
mic said i selfish.when i nd some1 i look for him..
==" watever la..
reach home, quickly finish up everything,as i nd to wake up early to buy herbal for bryan, forget to do so=="
hope tomolo my headache get better..^^
but recently abit bz wt alot of things..
helping the hari raya gathering for others,
work, organize my personal duty,preparing for the nxt trip wt bert n geo them..
i wish i could finish all up..
n the mst important, rush up grandma present lei >.<"

3rd sept 09

2009-09-04T01:57:00.003+08:00

thurs,working 6pm today as i requested earlier..
planned to go out on wed nite wt voen n chay but voen's roster cant..
so we change to another day..
instead going out wt voen on wed nite, i went to jb this morning wt cheng n jane lee..
bang bang din join us as she got work..
we reach jb around 1230noon..
cheng's bf , ah leong oso come along to jb..
reach thr, jane was hungry so we ahead to new japanese restaurant at basement..
at 1st was ok everything..
but almost when we done, we saw some unfriendly frenz crawls at the walls..
cockroachs !!!!
jane n cheng got big big reaction on it..lol
we told the server regards it but he did nth..
the second time, he jz catch one of it..==
anyway, they don hv any app to eat le..
so paid n they went to buy movie ticket n top up the mobile credit..
mean while i went to bank..wat a long Q..
me n jane went for a walk n cheng with her bf walk walk..
we decide to meet at cinema on 245pm..
when in watch final destination..
the movie was ok la..not as horrible as i imagine..
anyway, after the movie i back sg for work..
i ask cheng they all cont to hang around as its early n they arent working..
this time, i din back wt empty hand, i bought myself a pair of shoes..
i pretty love it..
reach work,nth special..still the same..
but i keep on thinking about grandma..
mayb too miss or cz i talk about her wt mum tat day..
btw, kok leong called me during my work..
he call as he around amk..
seem lik he sick le..
we got a chat, as i nd to cont work..
we end the conversatioon..
been so time din chat wt him le..
n couldnt imagine we still got this chance to do so..
i received a msg from jack regards gathering around hari raya..
but unfortunately, i couldnt attend it..
however i had pass the msg around so the rest could do so..
wish tat they can hv a great time..
gals n guys, miss you all alot ^^

2nd sept 09

2009-09-03T02:12:00.002+08:00

cant believe i had stay wt absinthe for 3months le..
n how long will i stay wt them??
tats a question i couldnt ans myself as well..
anyway, i reli learn n knew tat in this world tats alot of different kind of human..
btw, today i went to shop again =="
during the shopping advanture..
i call n told mum about going genting wt my frenz..
suddenly we talk about grandmum..
then lead me thinking of her whole day le..
i think she reli miss me, as she keep on asking mum whether im going back during mooncake festival..
cant wait going home soon..
im thinking of preparing a gift to her as this year bday present..
as mostly i couldnt reach home when her big bday date come..
nth muc special then about talking grandmum today..
as my work as i was say of..
nth different still the same..
successfully cross the day..
btw, tomolo im going out wt cheng n jane jane to jb le..
cheng's bf might join us..
donnoe wat will happen tomolo??

28th august

2009-08-29T00:55:00.002+08:00

i din noe tat alot of ppl reading my blog..
anyway i wana to said tat im went for a ooutside catering today..
it wasnt a big group, 8pax onli..
at wong partnership..
me n joseph lead by philippe..
i reach company b4 10am..
but we onli move when 1030am..
early thr jz to check the items n reconfirm something..
witout any breakfast start the day le..
was so hungry when reach 230pm..==
wasnt angry in the morning then nervous as tats the 1st time going for outside catering..
when reach back to restaurant the anger back le..
i was so so tired..
i started feel hungry but nth to fill in..
i wake up so ealry i onli could back to rest around 4pm..
due to the heavy headache i got, i could sleep well..
i took more then 15tablets of calcium in one short to kill the pain n help my sleep..
but it seen doenst reli help lik usual..
at last i manage make myself fall asleep in the other ways..
took a short nap 30 min then wake up cont prepare for the dinner..
still hvn fill in, but alot of things to be done..
i reli anger wt shah n joseph..
reli damn hate themm especially shah nowadays..
i try to get some info but couldnt yesterday..
will be calling for info tomolo..
hope could gets some useful info..
i reli not in the condition..
i reli got a bad headache..
around 1030pm i called philipppe to request home..
i couldnt take it anymore..
im reli reli tired, n the headache make me lik dying..

27th august

2009-08-28T02:18:00.002+08:00

today again i veli veli damn angry..
tilll i feel lik throw everything out everywhere..
this morning i came onli me n sha were in the restaurant..
as usual joseph was nvr on time..
zack was late..
anyway, lunch wasnt bz, tat si joseph may irritated him tat i was oso veli feel in the kitchen..
he caught me to do this n tat..
n he wasnt doing any..==
veli irritating sia !!!!!
somemore nowadays he lik to push me or slap my shoulder or watever la..
man, i don lik it lo..
but he still keep on doing it..
kelly did ask me to scold him if he did it again..
talking to this kind of human is jz wasting my time..
is not ta i wan to be calculative, but shah isnt being fair enuff..
as this dinner, joseph was going home earlier..
left every1 at the back..
if he is going back early, tats no reason i cant go back as well..
he is runner wt carmelita, is going back..
after i settled everything on floor, i nd to go in to help carmelita as well..
wat the hell its this..
plus i nd to prepare the catering item for tomolo..
he din even let me to prepare when the gst wasnt alot..
n most of the things was settle..
im reli angry, n don feel tats fair enuff for me..
he is the captain getting more paid then me..
n wat the hell i nd to do n work more then him..
is tat being fair enuf..
later on, i found tat im going for the catering tomolo wt joseph as well..
it add on my anger somemore..
i nd to be in the restaurant by 1030am..
is jz 30 min earlier then usual..
but wasnt the main item, the thing is..
i susposed to work at 6pm on fri, i nd to come early in the morning,i don mind le..
somemore joseph was the one who should come at 3pm oso come on morning...
but he get to go home b4 10pm n i nd to stay n prepare everything n settle the back area for him as well..
plus im onli the waitress he is the captain..
is tat fair enuff for me..
unleast tomolo after catering back i was the onli one could go back, no dinner work for me..
but i don think i still will hapi about it..
im getting more stress n stress nowadays..
mayb i should plan go wt my frenz to genting to release my stress..
n wt veli frank word to tell philippe about it..
somemore im thinking of resigning..
i don think i could stand until the end of the year..
but 1st of all.. nd to do some research of some infomation..
i was so angry, when finish tat time, i was the onli one who going back by transport..
zack as usual take a ride wt sha..
kelvin bakc wt chef..
im sure suraj will take a ride as well..
so im the one onli going back by transport plus nd to wake up earlier..
everything me..walau..

25th august - eyes prob

2009-08-25T23:35:00.002+08:00

today i din work le..
mc again..it serious this time..
my eyes are so sensitive..tat i cant wear lenses for 2 weeks..
actually was planing to go work..
but on the way out, the eys were reli pain..
so i sms philippe telling him i mc..
since yesterday nite i was feel good wt my eyes..
tot will be better after a nite..
so i went n visit the doc..
he gv me an eyes drop onli..
said i cant wear lenses for atleast 3 days..
the best 2weeks don wear..==
plus no make up anything contact to the eyes..
cant imagine i nvr wear make up to work..==
shah oledi complaint i don hv enuff make up le..
now more worst lei..
then i go walk walk awhile then go home..
i sleep for a couple of hours the wake up n play games lo..
nth to do ma..
after tat i do laundry..donnoe why so good mood le..
half way, i wnet out buy fruits..
thinking of eating fruit salad..
onli fruit i spend $15 le..
then walk to sheng siong walk walk awhile lo..
at there i bought alot of snacks..
after so long i feel lik calling mum..
chat wt her awhile then end the call..
reach home cont my laundry lo..
cut my fruit fruit..
then do mask scrub everything..
one day pass le..
i hope my eyes get better fast fast oo..

she bring back ppl again !!!

2009-08-25T00:48:00.002+08:00

today i wasnt in good condition..
my lenses seem bring alot of prob to me recently..
whenever i wear it, after a ouple of hours, i wont feel comfortable wt it anymore..
i think i couldnt wear anymore lenses le..
today more worst which my tears keep on blinking..
even now im home without it..
i feel so pain when i blink my eyes..
hemm..
after everything settle in the restaurant
i asked philippe to go back earlier..
as onli the back area left over n joe with carmelita were thr..
so around 11 plus i went home le..
reach home, i saw some1 in the room..
she bring another gal home again..
this gal was the one she brought back last fri..
they went out then drunk drunk de went home..
recently whenever she bring home gal, will not inform me le..
== think i sei de ar??
or im invisible??
she reli make speechless now..
so angry lei..plus now my eyes lik tat..
reli bad luck man..
btw, today got 4 frenz bday
-yvonne foo
-cho chee seng
-alfie
-alex yee
wish they have a great day

23rd aug

2009-08-23T22:32:00.002+08:00

today sun , i had a lunch wt bang bang n pat at queenstown IKEA
susprisingly, the food was far better then wat i expected..
we went for a walk near by then decided to sing k..
tot going to clementi but end up at boon lay..
on the way going, we were talking about cheng n her bf..
a place near by to jurong east..
we went in n sing k lo..
1st time sing wt pat n bang..^^
the day wasnt bad..
after the entertainment, we had our dinner near by..
the japanese foodcourt..
yesterday, we out wt micheal, kelvin,shah nzack to a place at orchard..
a place called acid pub..
shah's frens preforming thr..
after tat, i went home as i donwan to join them..
they went to a place called gossip..
on thur i was mc..
i mean it, as i unhapi wt some of the staffs..
i wnet to jb wt bert n geo..
has been long time nvr been out wt them so hapily n to jb..
^^

18th aug 2009

2009-08-19T00:47:00.002+08:00

today donnoe y i veli bad mood..
working split shift, handling a tbl of 6 in wine cellar..
but donnoe wat am i doing..
around 230 all gst gone..
shah ask us to rest..
i went to buy my grocery at amway..
reach company around, 430 ba..
i took some snack then get a nap..
aound 6pm i woke up n blur blur do my things..
shah told me to cut the menu at upstair..
again is me, i realise kelvin was sleeping when i reach..
found out the dirty napkin wasnt count, butter wasnt arranged,napkin wasnt fold
one words, lik joe, things wasnt done n sleep..
i reli bad mood..
wat should i said?
i suggest, i tell, i try...
no1 follow, everything expect me to do..
im tired being by myself fighting, moving..
then, joe n zack back ealier then follow by me..
at the way chat wt geo,
he oso not in good mood today..
many prob in bar..
reli feel lik going back msia..
but wat could i do after back??
when almost reach home, the uncle sat behind me..
his hand was on the handler which touched my shoulder..
when i down from the bis, he follow me as well..
waiting at the traffic , he talk with me..
ask whether im from sg or china..
wat a quest he asked..a shy of him..
i don wana b rude, so i said im not local..
tats all..
then he keep on asking am i staying here,
i jz tell him, im not in good mood, i don feel lik talking..
he keep asking whether can be fren..
walao, uncle pliss la..
mirror urself b4 talk to me..
wat age are u man, somemore tat quality wan to talk wt me..
sei far far la..
i din ans him anymore..
i jz cross my road..
so irritating person he is..

16th aug 2009

2009-08-16T23:50:00.002+08:00

this few days i stil don feel great after knowing eddie in relation but..
i tell myself to be ok..
i went back to oscars n look for peter about my testi..
donnoe where come the braveness to meet peter..
but when it come..
actually it doenst so bad as i imagine..
after tat, i heard tat elbert hurt his hand..
it wasnt tat serious but he took this an excuse to mc..
==
today sun, i din plan anything to do..
tot if nth then will stay at home whole day..
but cheng sms me early in the morning..
went out meet her around 4pm at novena n find jane jane..
hv a chat in a donut shop...
then went window shop wt cheng..
ah wui call later on , ask dinner together at bugis..
so go wt cheng to bugis..
cheng went home, n i meet the rest of them..
ah wui told me tat reeve's mum hv cook for us..
ask us to go his home eat wor..==
im don feel comfortable going thr..
end up me, wui n yang eat sakae sushi..
during the dinner,, again i heard something about eddie le..
he will resign around dec..
hemm..i wish i don care his info anymore..
but its seem i nd more n more time for it..
b4 go home..
i tapao some food for geo as i pass by oscars..
i wonder why i will be lik tat..
but i hope its jz tat i think too muc..
recently cz of love love issues..
make me could sleep well..
as one of the ang mo in bareatoo, marcus
one of the guy in absinthe, joeseph..
both seem lik fall in..==
veli fan of this, hope wont happen anymore..
i call ivan jz now..
feel lik sharing this with him..
tell him alot of things..
eddie de, reeve de, geo de, marcus n joeseph de..
peter de, shirley from amway de, many ppl de..
as alwis, after talk wt him, feel better le..

a real confirm notice..

2009-08-14T03:13:00.001+08:00

it was a bz nite, absinthe is full house n a private room wt 25 pax..
after a bz nite, i got an appointment wt sunny..
but at last din meet as he nd to wake up early the nxt morning..
so i went n join ah yang, che wui, n calvin chai..
they were at geylang lorong 9 eatting supper..
after 1230midnite finish then go there by taxi..
reach thr, they were sitting inside the lorong..
we start talk and talk..
alot, but was the most important is i heard something..
i got a confirm notice..
eddie n olivia reli together..
b4 tat i heard tat liao..
but jz guessing guessing..cz i jz noe tat eddie is in relation..
tats alll..
when i heard tat, i was a lil bit of alot feeling..
a lil bit of sad, pain, blur, broken..
which mean i do love him..
but im alwis not his type of..
all the way home when ah yang sent me..
i was silent, the 1st time i din talk the way home..
cz i keep on thinking of this..
i feel pain..this feel is familiar..
but not as strong as the 1st time i got it..
which i could contol from inside..
tell myself actting tough n strong..
tats wat i am all this while..
i alwis not the type of gal for the guys i love..
one of the topic during the supper is being in relation..
isnt it great being single..
isnt it great not being hurt..
isnt it great not to hv those pain again..
its not easy to handle n control it..
i don wish to cry every9..
i don wish to make myself look pity..
i don wish to hv tat feel anymore..
i ever think will i in relation anymore..
will i dare to do so..
will i gv a chance to myself n another person..
when i couldnt get reply of it..
i hate myself not to hate them then forgiven felt soli of wat i did..
in fact im the wrong one..
i wonder this time how long will it takes to recover..
will i ever feel better..
i which it will nvr hurt me again or come back this feel..
who should i say to?? who can help me??
reli pain, or should i leave this place again..
repeat again wat i did b4..
leaving conrad isnt far enuff ba..

lazy

2009-08-11T01:32:00.002+08:00

recently i did alot of things but veli LAZY to write down..
sleep late cz on9 but nvr on here to blog..
im getting more n more lazy sia..==
ok..start wt eddie ba..
alwis talk about him at last..
now start wt him then end wt other..
tats one day i on in facebook, i saw under highlighted..
the title is conrad soccer's team..
inside i saw peter as usual, eddie n rajiz..
it took my more then 1 hours to view n view any pic n video tat related..
i told myself i shouldnt any of his pic..
but my finger doesnt control it..
of cz after view it, i don feel great la...
then about reeve..
i donnoe wat happened..
but i start feel uncomfortable whenever im with him
i don lik tat feel..
he start to ask alot n he wan to noe everything in details..==
when we went out, he will try to pay for everything..
the dinner, the movie, try to send me home even he got to catch a cab..
is reli irritating..
i don lik being control de, hv to report every single lil thing..
don lik been treat lik a princess==
i said a lie to him..he was trying to call n wake me up one day..
but i purposely swith it to silent..
tats 4 miss call..at last i sent a sms said i forgotten to bring my phn out..
i couldnt meet him as i got something veli important to do..
i gv this excuses to avoid meeting him..
when im doing my grocery, he call again..
again asking me alot of ques ==
i hope i could avoid him this moment..
then go to geo..
its was sun, where we went n visited su..
she gv birth le..
i bought a blanket n a set of boy boy clothes..
share wt bert n geo ,,of cz im the one duty to buy it as usual..
b4 tat, i met angeline n lady name shirley, she is edwin chai's wife..
they all oso from amway lo..
after met wt them, suspose meet wt bert n geo at oscars as i wan to find peter..
at last im dare to find him..
but no use, they finished early so i meet them at hougang n hv dinner b4 ahead to su'home..
had a good weekend..
even doesnt did muc things but i meet my fren n reli got a talk wt themm..
during dinner, bert ask me a ques tat i don reli noe how to ans him..
anyway, i successfully skip the ques..haha
he ask me how's my work, any1 bully me anymore..
haha, the excuse he gv was care of me wor..lol
at the end is about myself lo...
i got abit sick recently..abit flu, headache, sorethoart..
all the min min sickness..
khye chuan so worry keep on urgent me to see doc..
but at last i din see oo..
now i think i nd drink more n more water..
as i got ulsers le ==..
but flu ok le, headache better le..
so i hope all the sickness away away from me far far oo!!!!
haha..

wed nite

2009-07-31T00:26:00.002+08:00

i was working 3pm yesterday..
when i reach shah came n told me tat i got to work split shift instead of come in 6pm..
as thr was an error in my roster.. =="
as my info, eddie will going for the drink tat nite..
i was still wondering whether to attend the party..
so i said i nd to check it up n get back to him..
but at last i decided to attend n today will keep on coming for split..
when i off duty, reeve was thr waiting me to go together..
i wasnt expect tat..as i told him to go 1st..
somehow i don feel comfortable anymore,
as i could feel, he getting more curious n worry on my issue..
this will link ppl thinking both of us couple but it isnt..
reach thr, eddie wasnt thr..
we were drinking n drinking..
some GP guys were thr..
ah wui, steven, kelvin khoo, calvin chai and ah yang oso thr..
i was reli drunk til i cant stand propably..
keep on laugh n laugh..
i don feel good as the whole nite i din spent a single cent..
cab, drink, food... everything was paid for me.. =="
i step on steven's toes 3 times..
after finish at golden miles..
GP guys said they will go for 2nd round at clarke quay..
i wanted to join them, but i wasnt allow to..
the end, i went back wt yang same cab..
poor guy sent me home, n got to walk back home..
on the way back, i ask him a few ques..
ask why eddie wasnt thr..
i din feel any at that moment..
but today i reli feel down after think n think the ans i got..
he wasnt thr cz his gf doesnt wan him to be thr..
n i got another news is, he get promoted..to cook 1
when i think back, who will be the possibillty his gf.. the 1st i tot of is olivia..
the feel doesnt feel great..relli..i mean it..

" BOYFRIEND "

2009-07-26T23:11:00.002+08:00

me n chay ting went out yesterday nite..
she came to majestic bar to wait me off..
it was early we finsih at 1230 on sat nite..
then we ahead to clarke quay..
she told me eddie sms her sudden on a day..
jz a normal chat wt him..
he lost his phn, wasnt hapi working oscars..
he might plan to leave oscars or sg..
we were trying to look for a bar tat wit leng chai..
but end up, we jz choose a bar n sat down for a drink..
as we were to tired to walk around anymore..
we choosen " fashion bar"
we start wt each a bottle of caslberg..
start talking about guys..
she told me how's her work all..
suggest how to face it..
then talk about guys guys guys guys..
we found out we feel better wt this topic without ivoen..
cz of her opinion on guys..
we talk about hows the past relation,
wat kind of qualities we looking at..
all about girls talk..
she searching a tall, mature, rich guy commonly..
im looking for a mature, loving, ambitious guy..
both oso looking for a average looking guy..
lol..even imagine who won be the bf post..
if even we could marry..haha..
n tat nite i got myself 2 bottles of beers..
both of us kind of desperate to get a bf..
but jz doesnt hv a rite candidate around..
actually the qualities tat we ask for doesnt make us get a bf..
cz those qualities, isnt easy to get in a person..
not even we could do so..
a educated, well manner,average looking, ambitious,caring, abit of bad guy image,"tai nam yan"..lol..alot of qualities we state out..
we should name the person as mr ideal boyfriend..
which alwis n forever mayb as an ideal, but nvr come truth..
been long time nvr had a good talk wt..
after 3am..the place is close, i went n join bert n g at spice..
chay ting was too tired, so she went home de..
had a supper n lik usual, we walk to orchard as g insist to wait for mrt..
bert wana to go by cab but accompany g to orchard..
on the way walking to orchard, i believe im drunk..
i keep on laughing n laughing, till tears drop..
they veli worry n ask me to go home 1st instead follow them..
frankly speaking i reli reli reli tired lei..
jz reach home around 530 n staright away fall asleep le..

movie alone

2009-07-26T22:55:00.002+08:00

i went for a movie alone today..
cz is been a few week im alone staying in the room without going any place or doing muc..
somemore feel lik catching a movie but thr's no1..
so i choose a movie i could watch myself..
" Harry Potter And The Half-blood Prince"
is a 2hours n 30min movie..
b4 going for the movie,
i get to a restaurant to fill up my empty stomach since i wake up..
" The Soup Restaurant "
i get a plate of yang chow fried rice, a bowl of soup n a glass of tea..
the yang chow fried rice, is quite nice but compare wat i had last time..
its doesnt seem as good as the one i get from the person..
manage to catch the movie, jz missed abit at the front..
the 1st time i ever watch a movie by myself..
tot it won be some i will repeat anymore..
but after the movie finished, it doesnt seem tat bad..
reli concentrate on wat the movie on..
i did oso cry inside..haha
when the principal die..
anyway, i hv pass a sun by myself again..

colour of the day = DARK BLUE

2009-07-20T22:44:00.002+08:00

today i get to go home early..
doesnt noe should go..
ashley , my roommate told me she got insomia..
teach her a few ways to get better sleep
she ask if i found the CHOYA, help her buy it..
so i wonder which mall i wana go to shop n hang around as well..
then suddenly feel lik going bugis..
stop at bugis n walk around cold storage..
after bought the CHOYA, i hang around then thinking of buying K.A. some herbal tea..
since he is not feeling well n carmelita as well..
then went to AMK Hub near by buy the herbal..
then go home le..
on the way,i was thinking n thinking..
kind of alone, suddenly felt lik wanting a bf..
some1 who can care of of me..
some1 i could lay on..
kind of silly when i think so..
no my attitude n stail..haha..
reach home then on9 til now..
hemm..the colous of the day is dark blue..
y suddenly i put colour is cz i read a comic about colour..
n i felt lik dark blue..
hard to descride,but is not a hapi feel..
jz calm but undescridable, alone,...
is jz dark blue colour..veli confusing
i saw some1 lik eddie when on the way back..
susprisingly it wasnt him..but don feel great missing him..

18th july

2009-07-19T23:22:00.003+08:00

yesterday was sat,..
pilippe asked us to come at 4pm..
i knew he wan a meeting to let every1 discuss wat happening in the restaurant..
even i did speak out some,but i did get some shoot back indirectly..
even i don feel great but i noe tats my fault couldnt denied..
i din gv my effort to do my best..
however tats onli knowledge, i could improve it,but when go to work..
i believe i could work better n more responsible then them..
the whole dinner i wasnt enjoying myself working..
after work, i went out wt micheal n some of his frens to oscars..
i do oso ask geo to join me..
me n micheal share the burger since in big portion, then we did soem snack platter..
eddie , john n kok soon worked midnite again..
this time, iz do saw me in oscars,
after geo off duty, he went to mcd to take supper instead of joining me n micheal..
we chat alot, at the end, we talked about him n irene as well his carrer..
he kind of feel sad n guilty of wat he did to irene,
wat a nice man he is..
later on elbert told me geo was waiting me at smoking area..
then i told micheal i nd to join my fren, n they oso nd to leave soon..
me n micheal share the bill, ni went to find geo..
elbert was veli bz bz, so he din get a chance to chat wt us..
he gv us some penang food tat he bought back during his leave in penang..
the whole nite me n geo gossip about oscars n sometime about myself..
i was noted, oliver interested in eddie, i din feel sad nor angry..
jz a bit shock then ok le..
im not clear whether i still love him, but i don mind he got a good relation wt other gal since i doenst match him..
geo told me how eddie nowadays act lik..
a sentence came out from him
"how come u fall in love to this kind of man"
haha..i oso don noe le..jz love him..the points i gave him,
days by days become more less, but i still care wat happened to him..
still afraid to see him..
around 630 am, we left oscars n wait elbert at mcd near cityhall mrt..
on the way i saw the man i wanted to see so long time ago..
he is Chef King Wei,at last saw him..
couldnt descride hows the feeling then hapi..
took his num to keep contact..
i even get a hug to him..haha..
he is the chef tat most sayang sayang me in oscars..
even though many ppl doesnt lik him..
n i realise the way he treat ppl oso no nice but not to me..
crazy miss him n long time din greet him " good morning, king wei"
haha..
chat n chat wat recently happened in oscars..
mostly about oscars, ourselves..
went home around 9am
straight went to sleep when reach home..so tired !!!

mid nite visit

2009-07-17T01:07:00.003+08:00

i vsited oscars yesterday nite after work..
b4 i went i had an unhapi time in absinthe..
wasnt hapi wit wat sha decided..
on the way back home in transport van,,
suddenly feel lik going back to oscars..
wentt thr, bert n star worked midnite..
they are having a briefing by iz..
after briefing, iz din go back, she stay til around 230am..
while i wait, i sat at terrace taking chay kway teow..
in sudden, eddie appear in front me..
he went to oppo to smoke..
i was kind of avoid looking at him, but he did something susprised me..
he came n said a halo wit me..then he went for a smoke..
when he came back, we had a small chat..
bert was susprised as well
seeing us talking..
it seem lik worth i left oscars..
but i still could feel tat he doest wan to let ppl noe
or doesnt wan to talk wt me in front of any1
cZ during thier break time, i was sitting wt them..
as usual, he keep on silent..
so i went back to oscars helping bert fold napkins..
we were talking about him..
suddenly he appear as came back to start work again..
around 430am i left oscars..
kind of miss the place..
while i wait at the terrace tat moment, i saw irene, the phua chu kang's wife..
she was alone, n she came to ask for a glass of wine, later on she wana go toilet..
asking me help watched up her belonging..
later on, we got some chat..bla bla bla..
after visit bert n chat wt him..
feel muc more better..i told micheal this morning..
he said i still so miss oscars..

too tired

2009-07-15T02:05:00.002+08:00

jesslyne veli tired..
after a few times getting heart broken,
stand up n cont walk,n fall, and cont and cont...
even how tough a person is, is not easy go across by alone..
eventhought, pysically seem normal but do tat reli mean it??
thr's a phrase " don judge a book by its cover"
its reli truth..
jesslyne too tired le wt all this..
tired to handle all this le..
after shawn teng, hving so many difficulty to get back to original..
then up down up down after gving every1 include myself a chance..
then happened this fellow incident..
some kind of simple story line as shawn teng..
which this time the male main player is eddie..
hemmm..
veli tired to think of this..
but sometime when u alone or face some unhapi ..
wish there some1 special to protect n comfort the lonely heart..
but to find some1 tat reli could do so..
isnt a easy task..
i asked kelvin how does he noe if he is in love..
for guys, when it happened..
they onli wish to noe n protect this gal..
they could forgive every single lil things they did..
but do tat happen to me wen i love those ppl..???
jesslyne is veli veli veli tired..

jesslyne oso oso veli veli miss oscars..
so muc..

missing

2009-06-22T16:21:00.002+08:00

yesterday i went out with ivoen..
b4 tat i met reeve to get back my hp..
left over at balcony after a drink wt him on sat nite..
went to balcony to visit sean ting..
had a stop at oscars, they were quite bz..
drop by to collect my last month tips..
then meet up wt ivoen at HMV..
we went for a japanese food..
taken alot of kind food..
then she plan to buy a hp as she almost spolit the one she had now..
so we went around to look for a hp model..
around 8plus..ivoen go home n i go to mandarin to meet up cc..
on the way walking wt ivoen..
she told me after i left alot of ppl ask where have i gone..
king wei, melvin chua from pastry oso notice im not thr..
then wat make me susprose was eddie gan..
he asked why cant see me recently..
is it i went on leave..
ha~~
ivoen told him i leave oscars le..
now onli he notice it..
i oledi on leave started new job n might get my paid liao..
tats the way she explain it..
reli feel abit sad tat we became lik tat...
is not regret or feel is my fault..
it wasnt my fault..
i did nth..
mayb cz tat time the other one was too aggressive n scare him of..
so he oso treat me lik tat as well..
honestly i do not hate or guilty of it..
im ready to be fren wt him..jz tat don think tats any possiblity..
but kind of silly to say, one of the reason i leave oscars is him..
is quite suffering for both working in this condition..
he don lik to see me around..
i don feel comfortable wt how he react..
he avoiding wherever im..
so y not i leave le..
after tat..i met up cc at meritus lounge
hv a few drinks wt her while she wait her bf off..
we talked about alot of things..
during conversation we mention alot of things lik..
bang soon to act in a film, eddie, tek seng, our family, cc's bf, her work, how big sis in home..
almost everything..
cc ask me whether i still love tekseng..
i cnat ans tat, wat i noe tat we are comfortable wt how we are now..
we oso chat getting pr in sg, about my work...
she is going back to sarawak wt her bf then on 26th will return to ipoh then 29th back sg..
hemmm..
reli reli reli miss every1, been long time din hug hug cc n ivoen..
alwis hug voen, so comfortable, but doesnt happen anymore..

tek seng

2009-05-25T01:00:00.003+08:00

again i chat wt him le..
reli reli miss him..
and again i record down our conversation..
those records reli mean alot to me..
whenever im down, listening back will make me feel better..
this time he called me..
the other time was i make the call..
this time he told he was bored..
at 1st we donnoe wat to start wt..
but later on, non stop our topic..
miss those time we spent together..
i hope im some1 important in his life..
some1 he will think of when he nd my understanding, care n joke, my talkative..
wish i bring hapiness to him..
even we r onli fren..
mayb i should start to keep our relation back lik last time tat good..
keep in touch wit each..
but we still lik last time..
ppl wont noe how close we are..
onli between us..
no1 noe we still keep in touch
often call each msn each..
will take time out when nd each to comfort..
i hope this feel will onli add point n not minus..

25th april

2009-04-25T21:51:00.002+08:00

today i work spilt stiff..
from 7am to 12 noon..then cont from 530pm to 8pm..
in the middle i sleep whole resting time..
this morning i was with pei see n boram in hotsess..
darlina put a note she n boram oso cant find the other 2candle's glasses..
so in the middle which not bz i call pastry to find out any with them..
as per alvin he told me is at the basemnt but uncle said is at the 2nd floor..
so i went there n get 5 candles glasses..
where by i don und why they cant find it out..
then later on boram n iz was talking about children that boram hate so muc but not baby..
so i add a sentence, so u will teach or said "cibai" to the children everyday la..
i could feel she no more hapi working wt me..
but i don care..
she reply me tat i am the one who will do so..
but the fate who will is obvoiusly stated..
she reply me by saying alot, ask me said loudly so Mr grafe noe n every1 noe tat i said "cibai"..
lol..she got a big emotion about tat..
anyway i donwan so comparetative with her as she is not worth it..
i go back to hostess at 530 helping dar ..
she got something to be done so after the buffet started then she went for her break..
i was having my break wt elbert as he worked 4 to 1 at bar..
this morning i ask iz whether can put me 8am tomolo til 4pm..
since sun usually is not bz early in the morning..
she said cant as tomolo will be bz..
anyway i don feel lik fair as boram will be in 8am but she finished today at 7am..
so i don think they are doing something for me..
im going to bring out the 8-3pm the nxt week scedule as well..
see wat will happened if they do not change it..
cz rite now its not confirm yet..
i hate thinking about work..
cz the more i think the hateness inside its getting deeper..

24th april

2009-04-24T21:49:00.002+08:00

3days din write blog as i too tired n no time..
on 22th after work , me elbert n geo went to geylang n hv lunch..
we went to a dim sum restaurant..
had so many things..but not the crabs tong fun..
elbert told going thr to eat tat but onli available after 530pm..
but then he nd to rush back for work..
after tat the dimsum..still got alot of time so we go to to douby ghaut..
went thr to hv dessert at ice monster..
i got a mix fruit ice blended, elbert had the mango flavour n geo the mango n durian flavour..
was so so so full..then elbert went to buy his magazine while me n geo went home..
i near fall asleep on the way home in mrt..
so tired tat day == donnoe y..
reach home, after remove make up straightly fall asleep..
sleep til the nxt day..lol..i think more then 10hours ba...
then the nxt day i work floor..
no1 clear the clear station..
once i cleared the station, i broken some side plates n sauces..
iz din said anything =X
then lunch vlei strong runner..
me , pei qi n roshan runner..
but stil cant back at 3 sharp sharp..
as the auntis din cooperated..
so slow slow they wash things..=X
after work i went home n on9..
onli realise tat the nutrilite tat dar ask me to get her wasnt available in sg..
so do alot of research to see which suitable for her..
i oso call ivan to ask so..
then i play games till around 12 midnite..== so late..
this morning so tired..
working with boram onli at hostess..
tini mc, so i got to be in hostess..
i suppose at floor..sienz le...
she everything oso donnoe ..oso nvm..cant blame her..
evrything oso ken cheong..kaisu, kaisi..
scare this scare tat..
everything ask me..everything oso need i do..==
so headache..fool around she noe..
the biggiest job i think she done is gving out the doorgifts n lucky draw vouchers..
run away check settle by me, dinner resv call by me, buffet close by me, everything me..==
when i wan go back tat time, she still at the cashier..
then call me ask where's the chocolate candles light glasses..
yea, is my wrong.. but can she find it out..
ask me where to find, said later i make her get scold..
watever oso me..
at last still said her usual word " cibai"
so damn angry her tat time..then i reply her again..
argh!!!!
after tat i went out wt elbert n geo for dinner at marina square in the hk restaurant..
talk about many things..then now at home writing my blog..
kok leong jz now call about my hp..
he make hand to me tomolo or on mon..
hv a while chat wt him..
then i told him i wan to sleep le..
so tired recently..
yea mum called me about segi after my work..
she said she cant find the one..reli no mood to talk wt her this..so ask her to settle her home prob then onli think of this..
today is mum' chinese bday..

21st april

2009-04-21T21:11:00.002+08:00

today i wake up around9am..
reli got a good good sleep..
then i wake up to prepare to go jb le..
as i nd to tansfer money for my mum..
reach thr almost around 1130am..
after transfer n cash deposit to mum's account..
i went to telekom as well..
as mum said the tmnet line is under my name..
they cant change the line to bercham..
nd i go to change it..
din noe the way go so i took a taxi to go..
reach thr then onli realise is quite near de..
i can walk thr no nd spent RM5 for it..
anyway nvr la...
is actually located near putri pacific..
went in to take my turn..onli 2 person infornt me..
but it takes sometime onli my turn..
after fill in the form n details..
i left telekom n walk back to city square...
reach thr i go to the thai massage..
the 1st time get massage,but it reli quite good after the massage..
can heard the waist sound when she turn my body n waist to a side..
scared me..=="
then my advantage started..
been long time din reli go shop shop..
but i bought alot expensive clothes..
2 pants tat cost RM65(20%) each, a colt cost RM75(1/2%)which after discount..
n some other clothes which oso branded..
as usual i will buy my comic as well n this time plus 2books of sudoku..
when i finished tmnet thr i went to eat at kim gary restaurant alone..
i saw the 2GP's staff thr dining..
then when i wan to go home tat time i go kopitiam eat eat as well..
after tat i go to the beside shop n bought 1/2 dozen "bao"..
is a new openning shop..wish to try long time ago..
donnoe why jz feel lik buying..
anyway i spent alot today, i change $150 to RM as my account not allow to without any money more..
reach home is almost around 8plus at nite..
po po boiled some leong sui..
abit bitter..but cant waste it la..
no1 at home,the bun still thr.i onli taken i of it..==
abit headache i think i should sleep early today..
suddenly when reach home feel lik wan to cut my frony hair..
long time din do lik tat oledi ..

20th april

2009-04-21T00:01:00.002+08:00

this morning, im with hostess again..
it was a bz day, pei qi was on floor today..
me ,tini and pei see on hostess..
i was ask to help stn 1 n 2 to turn the table as there's no table for gst by peter..
realise tat ppl who work in tat stn couldnt move fast..
jz set a tbl take 2 to 3 time back to the table..
no1 care about the clear stn, so do the equitment to operate..
hemm..just noe how to blame other person..
pei see and tini go for 1st break..
i go the second break to cover them..
damn bz answering phn..n prepare everything..
after break come up,im in same stn wt star, christine, and hesley..
keep on jking donwan same stn wt star nor christine...
at the end, kak rahman came to help up..
so i offer myself to runner wt olivia and geo..
i help olivia wt the ala carte order as william tat time abit fierce..
lunch is lil bit bz then usual..
we finished things quite on time..
olivia was sent home at 230pm..
after work we wait for elbert to get dinner..
wait him at koufu then he wan to change to marina square..
tot he said food court..
change again to other place..
end up we take KFC..
elbert treat this time..
later on, i go and meet reave ,che wui and keong gor.
ask geo to accompany me as well..
around 9 pm,,,keong gor went to take his motor..the rest take mrt together..
on the way to met station..
geo n wui joke around about me..
from cityhall til amk mrt i did not speak a word with geo..
reach home no longer he sms me..
said soli as he noe he's too over the line..
anyway i din angry or wat..jz wana to make him scare onli..
so tats mean i success le...
when i on9 i saw tek seng on9 as well..
is been veli veli long time din see him on9 le..
n get this chance to chat wt him..
however he seem cold this time during the conversation..
he din say muc or respond muc..
as i guess he went to genting wt kar chuan to see hins's concert..
no longer he said he feel uncomfortable so wan to off9..
hemmmm..so hard see he on9 so fast he off le...
mum call me to go jb tomolo to tranfer $$ to her account ..
so tired till i cant finish the blog and hv to cont on 21st april...
cz i fall asleep in the middle i type the blog..

19th april

2009-04-19T23:22:00.003+08:00

morning have a late crowd..busy turn over to brunch..
brunch was at floor, got a few of VIP came..
same station wt geo n mimi..
everything was fine during the brunch..
sean's last day in oscars..
we stay till almost 4pm thne onli left..
plan to hv dinner wt sean n elbert due to sean's last day..
wait at koufu, iz came up had her breakfast+lunch+dinner..
join later by sean..
after iz gone down..roland came le..
chat awhile then sean gone down to take over elbert..
elbert come onli we had the dinner..
then i make a decision to send my hp o repair at juntion8(bugis)
reach thr find the sony errisson's service centre..
i don feel good once im thr..
the service wasnt thr..
then by my turn..
i told them wat happened..
if wan to change the design..
i nd to pay $269 to change it..
after talk wt themm...
i called kok leong about it..
he said take back the hp n leave ba..
then i tell them i wan to cxl the service..
so so angry when she said nd $269 jz to change the cover..
too muc le..
then i went home..
on the way i phone geo tell him everything...
after take bath at home...
kok leong sms me tat he's coming but i oledi at home..
==
then i faster take a jacket n run out to meet him..
cant imagine he reli come cz tot meet him tomolo..
after telling himeverything..
he said is jz small matter..but small things seem alwis big trouble for me..
then talk awhile n check my things..
then he leave as i oso nd to work tomolo..

18th april

2009-04-18T21:41:00.002+08:00

today is siew lon's bday..
jz sent a msg in fs wishing him..
yesterday was my off..
the one whole day i stay at home..
i did laundry (clothes, pillow, shoes, bag)
then i get my hush puppies lugagge bag oso..
then i on9 n chat n check my mail..
clean the room..bla la blabla..then one whole finish..
at nite i was chatting wt aunt kelly...
then today i was at hostess wt pei qi n pei see..
so boring..today not reli bz..i got to stay til 4pm as there's no1 between 3 to 4pm..
then amanda ask to go for steamboat at bugis..
so at 5pm, me amanda, olivia, geo n sebastine walkto bugis..
man,, they order spicy soup..
reli cant take it..veli spicy...
hv a veli veli full dinner...
then after work, every1 take their own way home..
i take bus home..
on the way i fall asleep..
luckily this pass the stop..
reach home..roommate was sleeping..
so early today she at home sleep..
anyway i feel so uncomfortable..
the stomach kind lik turning n turning..
abit lik throwing out..
hou san fu le..
so sleeping n tired..
got to sleep early today..

16th april

2009-04-16T23:23:00.002+08:00

today i work morning..
after work, i will meet bangbang, pat, chee kin, yang they all..
chee cheng will join 1st but then i believe cz his bf then she din come..
so the whoel was me n bang bang..
pat oso invite another fren which i donnoe de..
after work, i stay at locker n play my sudoku..
after awhile felt sleepy so take a rest..
no longer bang bang call say she finished her training coming to meet me 1st.
so got a fast bath then meet her at raffles city's star buck..
we go n walk n walk around thr..
around 7pm then we met pat n cheekin, yang another fren of pat..
the guys left out abit of me n bang
luckily bang bang got come accompany me..
then they decided to go marina square food court take dinner..
i order ayam penyet n bang order japanese food..
we oso order two more side dish, fried carrot cake n fried oyster..
when we wait for the fried carrot cake, me n bang talk in cant..
the guy tot we are hk ppl..
lol..then we act act we are..lol
i believe he try to kacau kacau us la..
ask alot of things..
then me n bang start our dinner festival..
wow..so full le..cant reli finish all..
as they din take muc of the fried carrot cake n oyster..
after the dinner, almost 10pm then we go home..
but after dining,me n bang refresh alot of our history..
during primary n secondary school..remind me n bang noe each long time n we alwis in same class onli form 1 n 2 not in same class..
the rest we alwis stick together..
got alot of memories..mostly is wonderful de..
so so tired n sleepy..after reach home..
all of us go home, yang go work midnite..

nakamura

2009-04-15T21:10:00.002+08:00

the man tat i love b4..
the man i hate so muc..
the last relation i had wt..
the man tat make me feel being fool..
the man left me..
the man tat doesnt trust how i reli am..
the man i din drop a single tear after break..
i met him yesterday as he ask me out..
reli not sure whether to meet him back..
after break up, this will be the 1st time we met up..
but at last i make the decision to met him at orchard's mrt..
b4 the day of meeting him..
i did alot of things..
wat he complainted about me when we together..
i try to gv the best impression to him..
no idea why i do so..
when the time come near n near..
i feel nervous n without direction..
wonder wat should i do n said when i meet him..
we were quiet at 1st..but then were better..
after a dinner at wisma republic..
we went for a walk around orchard..
then at last i suggest to hv a drink..
during the drink we start to talk alot..more personal..
he doesnt change lik last time..so caring n gentle..
told bout wat he is doing n where working..
asking wat had happened to me..
talking about the songs..
the change we have, how we are last time..
alot....
at last we go home then he insist to send me home..
til i reach my flat lift onli he go back..
cz all the way i ask him to go home without sending me home..
i believe he worry i cant reach home cz drunk..
but i still ok de..

anyway he told me he doesnt start any relation after me..
he said he wan to settle down..
he wan to get a stable life now..
how i hv changed..

n i could he reli got a change then the past..
ermm..

12th april

2009-04-12T22:48:00.002+08:00

today is easter day..
not to say in oscars was bz,..
anyhow i feel i do hate him..
but sumtime i will sercetly look at him..
i noe he reli reli don lik to see me anywhere..
wherever i am he wil go another place..
so sad of tat..
another case was me n another guy..
he admire tat he lik me..
but this shouldnt happen
as i promise myself from the begginning..
i wil nvr be ppl's third party..
tats one of the point..
another was i don think i lik him..
i donwan wat happened to JJ will happened to him as well..
reli sad wat i did to JJ..
but recent he keep on ask me whether i hate to be fren wt him or even look at him..
i don reli mean tat..
but jz tat i donnoe how to comfront him..
summore one of my team member lik to relate us together..
speard rumors..so irritating..
beside tat today kok leong seache me n chat..
he ask me out for dinner on tue..
i wonder so long but i still donnoe whether to meet him anot..
so sien..
i lost the gal n guy chain..
the one i bought to gv eddie one of it but din do so..
i lost on the day i ask yang to take my hp thru calling him..

recently i could feel thr's these 3person veli concern of me..
which is elbert, geo and sunny..
mostly sunny noe muc wat happened to me
hemm..elbert keep on ask me wat happened to me..
but i cant n donnoe how to let him noe it..
anyway i still got many things tat i nd to consider n i donnoe how tosettle..
i don wish to tell everything to ppl anymore especially my secrets..
i believe not everything could jz open mouth n say out now..
hemm..pretty tired as after work i went n hv a jog today..
on thur i may go out wt patrick, chee kin n yang and mayb john wong as well..
they planning,i still wonder whether join or not..

8th apr

2009-04-08T22:16:00.002+08:00

im not feeling well today..
so din go to work during morning..
after visit doc i went a walk at amk hub..
but wat i wan to say is from yesterday i hv felt not rite..
flu, headache n abit fever..
i hv a chat wt kok leong..
i unblock him at msn..donnoe why..
i find khye chuan n tell him wat had happened..
i forgot about wat i told last time..
n now he back to it again..some kind of it..
he is one of my nice good fren..i don which it happened again..
hemm..
beside tat, on sun i bought sumthing..
i told sunny..
he kind of angry,abit..
he urge me not to take it again..
or else he will knead me..
anyway i reli donnoe why i take it..

after i back from leave worked mid the 1st few days,
after tat i din saw him on9 to chat wt him til now..
donnoe wat had happened to him..
everytime on9, i will check whether he is here anot..
but everytime he's not in..

tomolo im going to meet cheng n bang..
i date cheng to queentown..
but after discuss wit bang..
we decide to stay at town..
try to let cheng noe..
but cant get thru her whole day..
donnoe wat happened to her..
as me n bang planned to celebrate cheng's belated bday..
cheng doesnt noe bang will be thr as well..
but me n bang will meet 1st..
..lol..
cheng jz call me said she forget to bring her hp out..
she will decide n let me noe when to meet tomolo b4 i finish work..
^^
sister gathering tomolo ..
long time din gather all together..
so hard as we nd to work n working hours..
^^

7th april

2009-04-07T22:02:00.002+08:00

today i work morning..
veli tired..as yesterday i slept veli late due to go out wt frenz..
this morning summore i at hostess..
reli reli stress n dizzy during morning..
mayb cause long time not at hostess..
peter ask me those tat i donnoe..
hemmm...when i reach this morning at canteen..
i sat wt the chef as thr's no1..
din noe he oso work as well..
when he reach, tats a seat beside me..
he choose to sit at other tbl...
reli angry bout his attitude..

breakfast n lunch was so bz but after 2pm all was slow down..
voen said wan to go eat waffle but i don feel of going..
at last i din join n went to buy my blush n go home..
while waiting bus i saw the cold kitchen aunty..
we take the same bus..
reach home i still ok de..
but donnoe why now i sick le..
mayb i took cold bath n recently weather not good..
i oso din take care health..
the earliest even call to say im mc..
i called at 1030pm lik tat..

4th april

2009-04-04T14:53:00.003+08:00

yesterday was hin leong's bday..
i do chat wt him awhile today..
i was same shift wt leong yesterday..
still the same he don look at me..
he don smile at me..
when i enter to canteen, he was sitiing wt his frenz..
i believe he saw me n he left..
but i make a move n sms him..
whether he hate to see me??
wat i received is he said im the one hate to see him..
is not hate is scare,
he look so fierce, the 1st nite when working mid wt him..
he reli scare me..
summore i don wish he hv second tot of us..
jz wish to cont be fren wt him onli..
but he seem don und tat..
he call me dear..
he's so sturborn keep mention the name..
do i make a wrong move?
as i should keep things the same way..

reeve as well..
i feel so soli to reeve..
i feel i treat him so bad..
misuse him..
but he seem nvr angry bout tat..
sumtime he oso advised me..
recently scare to get close to him..
as elbert n geo will make fun of us in front of me..
i don wan gv any hope or misunderstand to any1..
as i oso donnoe wat i wan n feel so..
donwan to be unfair..
i sms reeve as well yesterday, telling him im soli to him..
he ask whether im mad, asking am i irritating to him..
he still could joke wt me..
i reli donnoe wat i could do then saying soli to every1..

gan

2009-04-04T14:45:00.002+08:00

after working mid wt him a few nite..
i could said he reli don lik seeing me..
che wui ask me to hv supper wt them..
when i go in, a quick one he finish n went out..
n wasnt bz outside..
doesnt wana to talk to me..
whenever they are talking, n they include me in..
he will jz silent..

after tat few nite, i found tat many of the song he heard i do heard b4 while not muc ppl do so..
however tat doesnt mean anything anymore..
i wish i could work mid wt him last time..
so tat i could hv more time to noe him..
but now i feel so..
working in the same shitf wt him reli feel difficult..
dare not to speak a word more, dare not to enter kitchen,dare not to look in,dare not to cross by..reli don enjoy it lik tat..

without words

2009-03-31T00:11:00.004+08:00

i think of many things today..
alot n many different things..
so tired n moody now..
kind of weird after tat i cant descride how i feel in words...
but all over is not a wonderful, great feel of it..
i start to hate myself..
think back wat i hv did n done..so irritated myself..
i could feel a num of ppl dislike my appear..
is due to my disability at work n being a human..
i bcome more n more useless..
done sumthing i shouldnt hv make it..
if time could turn back, i wish i could change it...
being a human is such tiring..
i try to enjoy the life but it seem hard for me now..
i try to be angel n nice to every1 but i couldnt do so anymore..
thats no more pure sincere on it anymore..
i did it as its my job n beinng ask to..
no more extra mile going on..

i wish i could see him..
i wish i could let him noe tat im still here..
i wish i could get a hug from him..
i wish i could return to the past..
i wish to be protected by u as usual..
i wish i could hear ur voice..
i wish i can cry..
i wish i noe wat is missing on mine..
i wish i noe wat to do..

dissapointed

2009-03-24T22:34:00.002+08:00

today is the last nite i will stay in ipoh...
tomolo morning i will go back sg n start my work again..
hemmm...reli ng sek tuck..
i tot today i could rlei enjoy my day..
but it doesnt do so..
i was been wake up early in the morning to go market wt granny n mum..
then back home watch the drama as muc i can..
around 12noon went out to sent the youngest sis school..
then i went to bank tot wana change my bank booklet..
but din bring my ic out...
hemm..
when to the town, my bag was spoilt....
reach home i keep on watch drama...
then mum cook dinner n lunch today..
sis still so rebel...
sometime i feel to slap her..
i nvr reli beat her b4..mayb tats my wrong..
i donnoe wat to do to make her und wat we think of..
she is smart, she deserve better future..
but she's spoiltly everything...
she nvr learn from the mistake she done..
when she will realise it...
feel hopeless to her...
i reli hate myself...
y i cant do anything to improve the situation...
i donnoe wat should i do...
hemmm...i reli wish i will see he on9 today..
but he din..
i sms him..he said he tired after done an assignment..
so he din on9 today..i wish to chat wt him again..lik last nite..
tum tum, joke joke abit..bring away from where im unhapi wt..
i reli miss him..
i wish to be selfish, i wan to listen to his voice..
but he nd to wake up at 7am tomolo..he should get a rest..
i wish to hear again he sing a song to me..
this few nite when i listen to radio..
i heard the same song..from rainnie yang.."ai mei"
this mean alot to both of us...
suddenly reli reli miss him..
wish to see him..but so far away..
wish to hear his voice but he's tired..
i ask him whether im selfish or considerate..
he nvr see im been selfish, so tolarate to other ppl...
cz tat i cant be selfish to ask him stay abit longer chat wt me, sing a song for me, on9 for me, cant call him to listen his voice...

health

2009-03-07T14:43:00.002+08:00

i realise my health is getting worst..
i get tired easily..
tot of going for body check up..
but com firm wit human resource tat company wont bear it on...
the worst is my heart,
the pain is awhile n lil by lil..
sumtime feel abit dizzy..
im getting terrible...
beside tat i found tat i don reli noe how to communicate wt ppl..
i could feel tat not muc ppl as close to as last time...
i found im becoming more n more dramatic..
so false..
i could sum1 is angry n wana avoid meeting me..
im so soli about tat..
some new gossip bout me in my department wt those new part timer..
reli make me paiseh wit all the stories..

i think back TTS n many ppl back..
for wat i did n wat had happened..
wow!! thinking of tat reli make ppl's brain headache..

i received a msg from TTS
i saw him when i on9 jz now..
i read the msg n conversation we had last time..

i believe the rain is coming..
the sky look dark..
tats an email i read the title is "smell lik rain"
the story is about a gal get born earlier the normal baby..
she had a tough time to survive..
but she get to stay as a normal healty gal..
one day she spoke to her mum..
tat she could smell HIM..
which her mum tot she was talking bout the rain coming soon..
n actually GOD was wt her all the way when she having a tough time..
after i read this email..
i feel so touch , almost got tears le..

2009-02-25T16:13:00.002+08:00

been long time din blog..
is bcz i din hv muc time..
n i donnoe wat to blog anymore..
now im in the mcd restaurant, one of the branch in amk..
damn shit, whne i come out tat time..
i was so sun shinny hot..
but now it rain lik hell so heavy..
don think of run back or try to get a taxi..
if u run 5 step out onli..sure wet all..
summore i don even bring umbrella..
hope its stop soon..
i donnoe which taxi num i can call..
donnoe any taxi drop by..
later still nd to go out wt liwen n geo to bugis..
go eat steamboat oo..
yea..another thing,im going home again soon..
this time i will be in kl 1st then onli bakc ipoh..
mayb onli will be in ipoh for 2 or 3 days onli..
is actually the main i wan to gogenting..
long time din go thr le..
i reli wish to back thr again..
visit those memories back..
hving dinner at genting palace..at nite many place wish to go..
jz think of tat..i oledi feel so hapi..

10th feb 2009

2009-02-10T03:23:00.003+08:00

im working midnite since the day i back from my leave..
same as today as well..
but i don feel great today..
don feel lik talk, eating or think anything..
today is my sis's bday..
i forgotten about tat..
luckily my sai lou remind me of tat..
today is oso the last day of chinese new year which on 9th feb..
whne i come to work tat time..
i saw the moon was round n bright..
so beautiful...
i oso realised tat eddie is no more in cold side..
he's at the western side now..

my ex

2009-02-04T21:53:00.002+08:00

yesterday, i went out wit my sis..
1stly we went to parade..
i saw cho chee seng..
after bought wat we nd..
then we rushed to jusco..
i went to the new opening k box over thr wheere located at the end of jusco at 2nd floor nxt to food n tea..
i accidentally saw JJ inside..
everytime i cross by thr i feel scare..
i scare i will see JJ or he saw me..
if can i try to avoid cross by thr..
JJ, he changed le..
i believe he's no more the bar in charge person..
he may b the restaurant manager now..
the way he dress oledi different..
hemm..
cz k box hving a bz time..
they ask me to go back later..n do the booking
so i went to mcd as my sis hungry le..
during walk by, die die i oso din look into the restaurant..
when go in, i cant reli concentrate..
JJ's de memories, how i treat him..all out..
feel so soli to him..anyway hope everything all rite to him..
after tat..when reach home on9 at nite..
kok leong chat wt me..
everytime he look for me, i feel uncomfortable..
kind lik he is asking some favour again..
but this time he din..
when chat wt him..feel he kind of irritating..
he jz lik normal chat, asking how's my life..
but at last he ask for my num..
i din gv...pretend dc then away..
hemm..

my future..

2009-02-03T04:43:00.002+08:00

two days ago i went n visit ah ming sifu..
he help ppl predict future..
i visit him last year..
b4 this i heard about him but nvr visit..
i wnet wt my mum..
this time..he said sumthing about me..
haha..i donnoe wat to say..
i don hv to said anything..
he noe wat happened tome, wat im thinking..
over all he said everything is fine for me in this coming yera..
i hv "tou far wan"..
i donnoe is good or not..
hemm..my health jz a small matter..
can improve slowly..
financial i ok de..not prob..
work ok de..seem now many ppl lost job..
i still got a job n get bonus..
the biggest prob is tat myself..
im not hapi..or should say im bored..
i donnoe wat to do..
im confuse wit wat i wan..
when im home i wana go out..
when im outside i wan go home..
when i meet sum1. he may the one..
but i will wonder alot..
the fell still not tat..
all do descride me..
hre's rite..
im bored..
i git everything..
good boss, good manager, nice frenz, nice landlady..
but i still not as hapi i wana..
hemm..

comic book

2009-01-04T20:34:00.002+08:00

today i keep on thinking of him..
is actually after i read a comic book..
the story was saying a gal n a guy were classmate..
they nvr speak to each other..
seem lik irratated each..
do not look to each eyes,(invisible),uncomfortable words may spoken..
all this so familiar..
but the end is actually misunderstanding between them..
both tot each hate both n dare not to confront each..
but at last in a incident,
they realise tat actually both doesnt hate each other but is loving each..
after finish this comic..
it keep on going on in my mind..
keep on wondering..
today i din see him working morning le..
i could feel tat he will be in midnite again..
hemm..
wats going wrong wt me??
i still keep on predict wat stiff he will be in..
==

last blog of 2008..

2008-12-31T21:33:00.002+08:00

today is 31st of dec 2008...
the last date of dec..
i wasnt hapi today..
even i try my best to control n let myself to be hapier..
but things doesnt working..
i don wish to cross my end of the year lik tat..
but everything doesnt help me to do so..
i hate hate hate hate now..
am i easy to bully?
tats y im the victim?
will they ever consider my feeling???
will ever they stand on myself side n care of me???
why should i care them so muc??
who am i to them???
when they nd sum1, here come to me..
should i learn to said no then being the yes gal??
im working split stiff today..
i don mind..i should in hostess today..
but i was being told tat dinner there's 3 hostess..
they doesnt need me thr..
but i need to cover the hostess to go break..
wats tat mean??
u said u got so many hostess, then y still nd me to cover since u got enuff power thr??
then throw me to floor..
i should end at 8pm..
kiasi, kiasu, ask me to stay till 11pm,
reason help up n could count down together..
nvr ask me, put my stiff from 630 to 11pm at floor..
i could do anything where they wan to put me..
either floor or hostess..
but my time to company is only 8hours..
after tats my own time, if i wan to work more or not,
is as i lik, but this doesnt seem lik wat happening..
is bcz everything i said yes, nvr reject mean i will alwis ok or they are taking advantage??
i pretend not to realise it..
they ask me to stya till 11pm..
ok fine i will stay even i noe is not bz..
doesnt nd tat muc of staff anyway..
thr's many excuses being gvn..
is prove tats not bz..
told me tat if i wan to back i can back..
mean what??
u doesnt nd me anymore??
wan me to go back??
wats tat mean le??
u nd me then i stay no then go home..
today is eve of new year..
if let said my frenz date me out tonite..
but i tot i was working till 11pm..
i rejected the request..
then how le??
not onli tat..
once i go up..
nth was done..
still ask me y i dress lik tat??
dont u see the floor plan..
trying to tease me or wat??
im thr, every1 gone, gone for dinner..
im alone settle the buffet,
din u even plan send sum1 for earlier break..
since is enuff staff..
every1 bz taking pic..the menu wasnt done by me..
how i noe where it should be..
i nd to ans the pho.
do food tags..
then how??
if din finished who help me??
after finished from break, din even ask whether i settle the buffet,
gone to take pic oso..
is it tat nice the buffet??
tat shit dress damn big, argh!!
every1 was laughing...
im so angry..wats tat..
feel tat im kind lik a ball..
being throw to everyplace where nded..
tats the bad way of thinking..
in the good way, said i capable,
can go any place..
if im reli tat capable then promote me lo
any discussion let me noe lo..
but this even involve me..
i'll alwis the left out..
i reli reli upsad..
when i joined, we add every1 as team members..
as family member.. we r in a team..
but it don seem as,is jz each using each..
playing, fooling around..
im so tired..
feel lik going home..
in actually i don reli nd to be tat suffer for life..
why should i??
tat day elbert said i bring geo to balcony..
bring geo to drink..
seem lik i force geo even i noe he shouldnt take alcohol..
wats tat mean??
im so so so bad till spoilt ppl's health??
im sure a evil to destroy everything..
im a disaster??
im so cheap tat every single tat i do, i went out wit a guy..
mean i simply social wit guys??
i still remember..
tats a manager said this phares b4..
" look at her, oso noe she not virgin la"
i virgin or not is not ur matter..
but wat u said make bad impressure to me..
ppl being so irritating..
argh..

more then a month

2008-12-15T23:13:00.002+08:00

is been long time i din on9 n writ emy blog le..
theres few time i wish to write but time doesnt allow..
many things happened to me..
many things has change..
i wish to hide, i wish to return back..
but time doesnt do so..
b4 i go back to ipoh,
i oledi change..
im no more lik last time..
i got many things to reconsider..
many things force me..
i hv try to change..
but cant..i hate myself
at work..
no matter hw hard to do, i cant complte my job, done the best i can..
everyday i wil mess up sumthing, i din bring my heart to work..
i cant reli concentrate no matter how hard i try..
i doesnt present myself the best i could..
im droping..droping to a place i oso not sure where it wil be..
i tot of resigning n go back home..
throw everything back
but it doesnt who i am who away run away..
im watching a drama name"ka hau yu yuan"
tats a character name " yun so chao"
i feel i kind of her..
i alwis mess things up..
not sure wat i wan, look lik pity from outside..
i try to cover all i donwan ppl to see..
i don hv " guan ka chai"
i don hv "lin B"
i don hv i don hv..
i donnoe wat i hv..
im living alone in my own world..
tats one day iz ask me to station 2 n sit down wt her n chat wt her..
she noe tats sumthing wrong wt me..
i oso noe tat..
but the problem at where i oso donnoe..
am i too tired..
am i too stress..
am i think too muc..
am i am i??
she wish to see the jesslyne she noe at 1st..
i oso wish too..
but i donnoe where to find back the jesslyne tat energitic, positive, hapi..
im tired everyday, im angry everyday, im boring everyday..
i wan to talk wt sum1 but i donnoe who i can look for..
i wish to share wat i experinced but to who i should share wt..
suddenly feel of soing to genting alone..
go thr n freezy myself..
go thr find my frenz..
tat day when i go back i saw a fren-ah fai..
the one i noe at genting palace, the cook..
he came here n work..
but he seem cant recognice me..
he is the one who sayang me alot, introdunce me to a better restaurant..
hemm..i think mayb he forget me le..
i start to hate many ppl..
i start to keep everything inside myself..
i start to talk less..
i start to stay alone..
i start to anti social..
sumthing is wrong wit me..
but i donnoe wats tat..
i oso fooling ppl's feeling..
i noe reave lik me..
whenever i alone, n boring..
i wil make him accompany me..
i noe this may lead gving him a hope..
but i noe i don lik him..
as fren i don mind but not as couple..
another guy name kok soon..
he's quite nice..look gentle n honest..
i ever think of asking him to be my bf..
am i so desperate??
no iam not..
tats not me..
me n eddie getting worst..
tat day when i back to grandma's home..
i accidentally wait til the time tat may cruse the same bus wt him..
i sit at the bus stop for half an hour to wait the time come..
but at last i din meet him at the bus..
fate doesnt mean us to meet..
christmas coming..
i love christmas alot..
but i cant feel the christmas feel as usual..
wat i feel of is i feel so suffer..
i donnoe why..
i wish to cry but cant..
after i cry i may feel better..
but cant..
i feel tat im b coming more n more irratating..
useless...
i hate my self..
i hate n hate n hate..
i miss all my ex bf..
even sum doesnt good too me..hurt me..
but..i think i feel better tat time..
sumtime don feel lik going home..
wish to sit alone at a chair or at the garden..
got one day, i reli reli sad..
i go n tell geo tat i wan resign..
the 1st time i said i wan resign, no matter last time hw stress i am..
then i ask sunny wheher he free..
i ask leong whether he free n accompany for a drink..
i din ask geo cz i hv been troubling him so muc..
sunny tell he meeting his frens..
leong tell he working tomolo n got to go home le..
elbert on leave..
i feel i kind of wt nth in this world..
tat time is 11pm i finished work..
i reach at bus stop at 1145pm lik tat..
suddenly i drop a few tears..
i feel im so cham..
so alone, no1 care me le..no1 wan me le..
i veli scare..
when i go up to the bus..
i look at the window my tears still coming out..
wish to sit alone n look at the sky, cry n cry..
try many things to make myself to cry but still cant..
leaving in a world of myself

he called

2008-11-16T01:52:00.003+08:00

tek seng called me
quite some time din heard his voice..
miss his voice..once listen to it, noe is him..
nth change to his voice..
he called cz he lazy sign in somemore..
as his msn keep on dc..
we talked about po po..
said wat happened..
hw po po treat him last time, wait him come back from work..
cook leong sui for him..
when he gone back to ipoh to study..
both cry le..
talk about his study..
he is hving exam soon..
got a chance to other country study but he din go..
the reason is his parent..
about his plan, his family, wat he wan..
soon his semester break dec if not wrong he wil come to sg le..
hemm...
talk about me..
about him..about the past..
about duration of sleeping he had..
haha..
din cry this time but miss him so so muc..

my room

2008-11-06T18:28:00.002+08:00

yesterday i went to view my room..
im going to share my room wt sum1..
anyway beter then nth..
cz at 1st found a room at whampoa thru agent..
suddenly the agent din ans my pho..
everything was fine b4..==
then one of my fren said the place he staying now..
got a gal looking for sum1 to share..
the owner oso ok de..
it is at ang mo kio..
the room quite small..
no heater but can boil water..
hemmm..
my life wil restart once move out..
hope good thing happen after tat..
then i went home n on9..
i feel lik kind of fall a sick again..
lik fever..
shit! i keep on sick recently..
then this morning go out tot buy some big big boxes to pack..
but cant find..use money to buy oso cannot get..
haiz..
then headache seem get worst..
so decide to go home..
reach home on9 n pack my things..
hving difficulty to pack..
so many things to pack..
but no space n boxes..
plan to move in on sun..
tats y nd to pack things out le..
hope could successfully pack..
my fren said this is all bcz i shop alot so now many things to pack..
hemm
or i wil throw watever is useless..
==

mountain of trouble..

2008-11-06T18:21:00.001+08:00

things seem nvr get settle..
one by one deal..
one by one rinse..
==
so boring n tired thinking alot this..
now i got prob wt the senior hostess..
she said i make her lik stupid..
nvr inform her anything..
when she sms me ==...
donnoe tomolo got wat to heard le..
but she seem lik reli reli angry this time..
donnoe hw le tomolo when go to work..
i still nd to work same stiff wt her summore..
haiz..
i jz settled my room..
now this happened..
my headache getting worst..
is like 24 hours pain..
any1 can help me???

discussion

2008-11-05T15:17:00.002+08:00

i plan to go back ipoh nxt week for leave..
but i din inform the hostess's team..
so the person manage the roster not feeling hapi it..
== is lik a big deal i go for leave..
got to infrom every1 n ask every1..
but i told peter about it le..
beside tat, i tell him about my feeling..
hw i feel lik working in hostess..
i kind of droping now..
as every1 notice tat..
i cant do well in hostess..
as some of the captain said as well..
im more confident in floor then at hostess..
but i feel kind of escape if now i go back floor..
is lik i fail hostess so i go back floor..
then mean i forever fail in hostess.
i do ask the senior in hostess..
she did said i kind of blur sumtime but over all i still ok de..
n me myself i do realise it..
so peter said he will try to see how to arrange..
he wil discuss wit iz see whether can put me back to floor..
he did gv me sum advise as well..
==..
after telling him all this, kind of feel free le...
petter do ask me is lik sumthing bothering me..
isnt it about personal lik love or wat..
my ans was both personal n work..
everything mess up..
n my dear manager he was considerate..
he use a better tune n advise for me..

31st oct

2008-11-05T15:06:00.003+08:00

as my fren u should this date mean alot..
shouldnt forget it..
haha..
in western country this a halloween day..
n for me it is a big day for me..
is my bday..^^
i was duty to work on tat day..
summore is spilt stiff..==
from morning til nite..
in the middle break 5 hours..
so at the morning, some of my collegues oledi wish me..
then, during break time..i hv lunch wt geo..
then i went to meet voen n chay at a pub near by..
sean joined us later..
haha..tat voen n chay said go washroom..
but earlier they oledi prepare a cake for me..
n chay specially get a chocolate mouse cake for as im crazy chocolate lover...
wow~~ i was so full man..
then we sat n chat laugh..
i go back to work..
then voen n her younger bro celebrate his bday in oscar..
then i meet voen after work n go cineleisure n meet up wt sean..
geo joined us as well..
then chay came later as she went back to bought for family..
tat nite reli hv fun..
i love u guys...muacksss.. ^^
kah yee was the 1st one to wish me on 30th
then follow by kiasu elbert(actually he mistake the date)==
then geo on 31st 12midnite...
follow by reeve,voen,my sis, my sai lo,mum,and ....
ivan who yum cah wt me 30th donnoe my bday..haha..
but at last sure elbert tell him about it..
so ivan called to wish me on 1st..
even is late but better then nth..

joe teng

2008-11-05T14:57:00.002+08:00

joe is a guy tat love so muc..
o might not hv this feeling the second chance..
but i nvr regret fall in love to him..
is worth it to me..
i saw him on9 one nite..
i go n hv a talk wt him..
we start wt sum joke..
then suddenly start to go to serious ques..
i said he dissapoint many ppl..
tot jz fool him abit..
donnoe why suddenly tell all the thing..
all about the past..
hw things happened..
how muc i love him tat time..
wat i crossed tat time..
how sad i am..
how he treat n change me..
all this things was out..
i tot i scare him..
i told my sis tat i tell him this..
she afaird we cant be fren anymore after i told him this..
anyway we still keep as good fren..
we stil start joking around..
haha..
i ask who am i to him..
wat kind of gal am i to him..
he keep on saying im good gal..
even his bro oso said tat im good n nice gal..
he even ask me is he tat good or worth for me to love him..
i cant imagine i told him tat..
for me u are great enuff for me to fall in..
in this world tats no prefect person..
but hw imperfect he is..
to me he is worth to stay beside..
wow~~ i said tat out from myself..
haha..sound lik im so brave le..
after telling him this all..
i do ask him whether we stil good fren..
he told me tat we r forever ever..
he felt so soli n guitly...
ask him not to as i nvr regret to noe him..
as he bring to another of life..who change me to a better person..
i jz wish i couold see the same old him with full of spirit, energy n dreams..
^^ kind of feel flying aorund..
abit of release..

moving

2008-10-27T14:26:00.002+08:00

ppl alwis tell me not to think so muc..
or they will said i think a lot..
ask me to relax..
but i dont think this should be delay anymore..
moving..
i start to hv this mind since i came to sg..
but after 8months i stil staying at the same place..
once i get a nice place wit cheap rent..
but i doesnt wan to blame my fren..
so better don mention..
i was so aggressive looking look after i back from leave..
but the rent is just to high for me now..
n one day..
i received a msg..
is from my aunt..
she asking me when i intend to find a place for myself..
as her son nd his own space study..
so my grandma nd to move back to the room where by im staying in..
so ppl oledi said it out..
n is not tat i din realise the thing earlier..
but i jz cant get it..
i don hv tat asset..
this things bothering me so muc..
my head is turning n turning now..
my fren advise me to delay to dec..
but i don wish to anymore..
even i told my aunt tat around nov or dec i wil be moving..
but tats no more feel staying there anymore..
no mean anymore..

man

2008-10-27T14:18:00.002+08:00

should i believe in man anymore..
last nite i got a fren who work in the kitchen..
i stil remmeber the 1st time we noe each no longer..
he ask me alot of questions..
he ask me to be his gf..
he ask my hp num..
but i din gv him..
n last nite he came to tell me tat he is leaving..
no longer wil b in conrad..
tats he's last nite working..
i was a bit susprised..
but then i realise he might lie to me as i cheat him b4 about tat..
actually i was just jk..
then i confirm another staff in kitchen..
he told actually he jz go for leave..
going back to get marry..
the whole kitchen n noe about tat..
i felt lik im so idiot stupid believe him..
he treat so well,so protective..
but who noe he is a man who getting marry soon..
n still come close to me..
tell me this n tat..
what the hell it is..
i stil react cool..
i ask him hw long it wil b..
he told is wil b 2 weeks..
but going back doing sumthing not important..
hw could he said tat..
marridge is once of teh most important in life..
hw will the gal tat marry him??
i feel so dissapointed..
im not sure who should i believe on..
man couldnt b trust in love side..
could be fren but be careful if to the nxt step of it..

sick

2008-10-27T14:09:00.002+08:00

i feel lik im kind of sick recently..
is not a normal sick..
i don feel lik working..
im tired..
currently i work afternoon..
i find hard for me to fall asleep during nite time..
mayb tats the reason i hv headache as well..
last week i cant even eat muc..
hwever if i work afternoon is better then i work morning..
i stil hv more time to sleep the nxt day..
no nd to wake so early..
but if work morning i got to wake up atleast 5am..
imagine i jz sleep 4 to 6 hours onli..
tats may enuff for other but not me..
==
i wanted to get some medical help..
but i delay n delay..
at last on thur i get to see doctor le..
she gave me some sleeping pill which will relax myself..
some pain killer n gastric pill as the pian killer wil make me gastric..
i din take the sleeping pill..
i keep on cant sleep,
alot of things i think of..
i call my sis..
i sms my fren til i fall as sleep..
is been for a few nite..
i stil go to work as usual..
no1 seem noe tat i sick..
expect geo..

do i noe where am i going to?

2008-10-17T20:31:00.003+08:00

im donnoe wat im doing whether is rite or wrong..
im not sure i reli wan..
cant concentrate on wat im doing..
start to hate myself..
im not sure wat im doing n i wan is reli truth
feel tat im so false sumtime..
i totally confuse..
i can be a nice gal in this moment
but the nxt second might not..
might do sumthing tat dissappointed ppl..
it seem so confusion wat im telling now..
in my work place..
i keep on doing sumthing wrong..
things doesnt goes well..
i donnoe why..
is not lik wat im doing..is not usual me..
i keep on forgeting everything..
is not me..
im the most good memory among my family..
but not now..wat happened to me..
im dropping..
im making everyone dissapointed..
im doing well..
ppl use to trust on wat i did..
confident on wat i did..
but i did now is totally the other of it..
in my personal life..
everything is so mess..
joe appear back to my life..
i tot is oledi over..
but i keep on asking myself whether i love eddie or joe..
y do i feel sad when i saw his pic wt a gal..
y i stil miss him so muc..
y i start cry after the nite i met him back..
then met eddie at work
the way we look n react is so depress inside..
then i keep on done something tat wrong
spoiltly my imagine..
tired of being good n nice gal anymore
cz of joe n eddie, i keep on thinking
even at work..
i donnoe wat im doing..
seem so stupid n idiot in my whole life..

tears

2008-10-10T02:09:00.002+08:00

after so long, i stop crying
try to control everytime sad
but not this time..
heart beat so fast after drank a bottle of apple vodka..
cant think muc but sad..
i don lik myself lik tat..

teng

2008-10-10T01:33:00.002+08:00

once again i think of him..
hard to get out of my brain again..
i inform him this morning tat i change my msia num..
received his num make my heart soft..
lik last time when reach his msg but not as tat exticed..
still keeping his msg lik last time..
don feel wana delete his num, delete his msg, delete him from my memories..
i got his email le..
added in my mail box..
suddenly at nite, when on9, think of him, wish to see him..
he change his fs..i view in thr's onli 3 frenz..
look at his pics..
seem lik he is hapi wt his life now..
look at him seem miss him..
after long time staring at the pic..
realise tat actually he is not as tat handsome as i think of last time..
but he reli slim down..
mz b veli hard the life now..
in the msg he sent, he said
if not bz wt assignment, he wil back this week so might could meet up..
do we reli could meet up?
wil i act lik last time?
wil i b better?
the last time we met was he went to sg for a short vacation..
anyhow, why am i lik this??
r my heart to eddie?
or i stil gving myself an excuse..
i should b strong,tough,
i couldnt gv up, i mz keep on my life..
tek seng, all the best..
i hope this is the last drop bcz of u..

back home

2008-10-07T21:45:00.002+08:00

hemm..
this time going back home feel different the usual..
last time back jz feel wana meet up wt frenz..
but this time i feel wana stay at home wt family..
even come back 4days onli..
but i do feel hapi coming back..
nth muc i hv done..
the 1st day i hv oledi took my favourite chee cheong fun..
but abit dissappointed, is not as delicious as i remember it is..
then lunch went to "9 wong yeah"
at nite went to the new food count..
hemm..seems lik back is bcz foods onli..
back eat alot..wanton mee, pan mee, bak kut teh,kenny roger,....
mum cook oso..
dad came on wed nite jz to see me..
then on thur early morning he went back to work..
i noe he veli tired..
he jz went back n hv a dinner wt me..
suppose he wana back on tues which my chinese bday..
but he cant manage to do so cz too bz to settle all of things..
so he postpone to the nxt day..
mum was jz fech me wherever i wana go..
hemm.feel lik im back so troubling..
even my sis, she is on exam, she chat wt me then read her books..
when i request sumthing it wil b done..
yea one more thing..
my msia hp num has been change cz too long din use le..
more then 3months so they cut my line n cant b use anymore..
i changed another num le..
long time din contact fren oso suddenly call or sms back..
tek seng chat wt me awhile..
chat wt chee kin oso after lost contact..
went out met ivan on fri morning before he go back taiping..
met wei kee on wed in the middle of her rest ..
went out wt mei mei after her school at parade..
before take my bus back spore..
went to take my spec which spent RM450..
went to visit my aunt, cousins n nephew..
the last but not least my grandma..
feel wana cry when think of her..
everytime i come back and saw her..
she is more n more skinny then before..
i know her health is not improve..
i wish i could do sumthing for her..
but i donnoe what i could do..
grandma i reli love alot..

tiring

2008-09-28T19:55:00.002+08:00

due to the F1 tat hv at singapore..
n our hotel is one of those hotels included in this event..
cz of this event, the whole hotel is so bz..
many of the star star level ppl to our hotel..
out timing of working oso been prolong..
my stiff is so different everyday..=.=
the most horrible, i was arranged work morning where i most scare of..
scare of cant wake up in the morning..
=.=" coming this week oso nd to work morning for 3days..
back to the F1 event..
many change been done..
there's two plasma tv at our restaurant,..
the timing of dining oso change abit..
which make us so rush to turn over..
during nite time, at terrace so noise of the racing sound..
then the bus i take to work oso been affected..
going to work is ok..but going back got to find another way of it..
sometime after arrange the schedule, but u may stay for a couple of hours..
summore lik tat day i work nite, wait for transport oso nd wait so long,
cz got alot of ppl take transport..
hemm..the 1st time take transport nd 1 n a half hour to reach home..

him

2008-09-22T20:42:00.002+08:00

the topic still on him..
when will this end??
is this mean i still love him??
n how could this be??
after all the unreasonable attitude he make..
hemm..tat day saw him, when i came out from the ladies at hotel..
the 1st time he grin to me after this long time..
could see is so false..being force to.. not sincere..
hemm..even thought this is better then before this..
better then cant each even is thr...lik invisible..
wonder why?
im i tat stupid or wat?
tats so many ppl interested into me..
but i hv alwis choosen sum1 tat cant treat back as how i did..
i wonder is him the one..
hw's the future wil b..
wil it b better or worst..
hemm~~~~~~~

last mon-15/9

2008-09-22T16:01:00.002+08:00

on 15th of sept..
the 1st time i went to banquet to help up..
i got to dress up lobby loungh clothes..
which is top in white n skirt in black..
so unlike me..but nvm la..i jz work casual labour onli..
not everyday got to wear lik tat then ok lo..
actually is banquet they hv a chinese function.
so they nd summore ppl to help n they oso got wedding dinner the same day..
desmond went to iz see who could do the casual labour..
as i din work on mon n tue as well..
y not earn sum le..(recently not enuff $$,hahaha)
i start work from 5pm to 9pm..
but i went out early to lil indian to buy sumthing n on9..
cz if i on9 at home she wil nag alot..
working thr actually is quite nice..
all i nd to do is serving onli..
william from oscar's oso thr tat nite to help..
alex n the chinese main chef oso thr..
we all reli hving fun tat nite..^^
no wonli i realise tat on the same orietation wt the desmond actually is the banquet's director..lol
yea tats another guy from banquet tat i don lik..
cz he alwis taught he is so ying..=.=
he said this"how come oscar's ppl is here??"
i was lik" how come oscar's ppl cant b here??"
anyway..everything was jz great the whole nite..
miss chinese restaurant..miss the smell..keke..

hateness

2008-09-14T14:30:00.003+08:00

hemm..is veli obvious tat he is avoiding me..
doesnt welcome me in his life..
but rite now it reli doenst matter me anymore..
if he wan to cont lik tat..
i cant fixed it if he wanted to cont it..
anyhow i start to lik the stiff without him..
i wont feel stress or i don hv to pretend..
the heart feel sumthing tat i cant descride it..
is not pain or anger..sumthing else..
when im on the way to work today..
i came across a few bus stop..
this feeling came back..
the scare n heart jump fast..
the last time i experinced this is when i saw him early in the morning same bus wit me..
but now he wasnt thr..
but i scare if who's noe mayb we reli in the same bus again..
wat should i do..
after pass the bus stop tat possiblity to meet him..
n he wasnt in..
i feel muc better..
hemm..this idiot..i stil don und wat i hv did tat make him lik tat..